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Losing Control vs Offering It My mind is a very busy place. It runs a permanent loop of everything I need to remember—what’s on my plate at work, whether the needs new shoes or lunch money, making sure the has her medicine, checking on the friend who’s going through the thing… It’s a lot. And my brain runs that list over and over and over. Nonstop. For eternity. No matter how much I write out lists or set reminders, my brain still loops. It stays vigilant so that nothing falls through the cracks and nothing comes along to derail me. Before D/s, I never realized how exhausting this was. The first time I reached subspace, the loop stopped. My brain went quiet. There was only now and him and us. And for the first time, I could set down all of it, just for a little while, and know it would be okay. I felt more rested from that moment than from a week of vacation. I’ve never found anything that quiet my brain the way D/s does. That’s not to say that it’s easy. My mind clings to the loop. Rather than stop the loop, it tries to run it more quietly in the background. That helps, but then I’m in the middle of sex and suddenly remember that email I never responded to. And that’s how I know the list is still there. There are two ways to get me to truly set it down: the hard and the soft. The hard is easier. Spankings, pain, choking, being slapped in the face. I want to be stripped of control. I want to be overwhelmed with sensation until it’s impossible for my brain to keep running the list. Sometimes, this is the only way. Sometimes it has to be taken from me. I have always looked for the hard because, in many ways, it requires less of me. I can allow someone else to fight with my overactive brain, rather than doing the hard work myself. With the soft, there’s no overwhelming sensation to strip me of control; there’s only a choice to set down the loop and offer it to my Dominant. There is only my Dominant waiting for the quiet and openness. The thing about the soft—at least for me—is that it stays with me longer. My brain doesn’t scurry as quickly to pick the loop back up. Wearing the hood, chained to the bed, feeling his quiet presence nearby. Or sitting in the tub while he washed and shaved me. I curled up in his lap with his thumb hooked in my mouth. In these soft moments, I could have held onto the loop. But I chose to trust my Dominant, to let go and know that they would take care of me. I chose to offer control, not just of my actions but of my thoughts and hopes and fears. But before I can offer control like that, I need to trust. I need to know that my Dominant understands me, and I need to understand them. Sometimes I can fight the soft because it feels like some inconvenient detour from what they’d rather be doing. But when we’ve built that trust and connection, I know there’s nothing they’d rather be doing. And I know that letting go of my busy mind is the best possible way to serve at that moment. Only then can I quiet my mind and offer control willingly and with an open heart. ~cherishedproperty  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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The trick is to focus on helping her fix her, not helping her fix her problems. When she understands that is the objective, that she is the focus, the trust will follow.
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But before I can offer control like that, I need to trust. I need to know that my Dominant understands me, and I need to understand them. Yes, absolutely! Trust is essential. Losing control can be too easy sometimes, but only if i trust the one i'm with. Where i have to catch myself is when i sometimes begin to trust too much too quickly. i believe that most people are trustworthy, and i tend to trust until given a reason not to, but when it comes to the lifestyle and privacy, i try to be extra careful.
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So amazing. i feel like you read my mind, except that when i'm in submission a new loop forms, all about my Domme and being sure that i am pleasing Her. i suppose that gradually fades as time passes, as i begin to 'do' rather than think. But yes, it can be so calming, blocking out the 'noise' when going deep into submission. So wonderful.
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10/4/2019 4:17 am |
We need to hunt but also be successful in the hunt bkneel;
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I can definitely relate to this. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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