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Need... As a submissive, I try to be very careful with the word need. Do I need it, or do I just want it? The distinction is an important one. My wants are inconsequential. He still wants to hear them, of course. But he can choose to leave them unfulfilled. My needs, on the other hand, are on equal footing with his needs. And they come before his wants. So when I say I need something, that word should carry the weight I intend. I don’t use it lightly. But sometimes it is hard to know the difference. And sometimes my slave heart keeps me quiet for too long. I deny my needs, and then I become a tangled mess. Giving and giving until I have nothing left. And when I finally collapse in tears, he wonders why I didn’t say something. But here’s the thing: most of the things I need are things that start as wants. For example, I will never turn down a spanking. Spanks make me feel warm and loved and happy. But at some point, “spanks would be nice please” turns into “I’m being slowly buried alive, and only spanks can save me.” The same with orgasms. I’ve gotten better with denial, but I still can’t do it long-term. The trick, for me, is finding that point where the desire for a spanking or orgasm becomes the need for one. I’m just not good at knowing when a want crosses over to being a need. And if I go too long without, I will sink so low that I don’t even know what I need. Everything feels wrong, and I just want it to not be wrong anymore. I know I should speak up before it gets to that point. It’s just hard, especially when he is overwhelmed and has unmet needs of his own. My impulse is to put service above everything else, even when that hasn’t turned out so well. And truthfully, I’ve never been good at sharing my needs. Or letting people believe I have them. I choose to withdraw and turn inward. But the beauty and curse of D/s is that I can’t do that. I am not allowed to disconnect or disengage. I am owned property. But the words “I need” feel so decidedly unsubmissive to me. I try not to use them until they feel appropriate and unavoidable. Until I really, really mean it. Maybe this is as it should be. Or maybe I’ve just gotten too good at suppressing my needs. I set the bar so absurdly high that almost nothing qualifies as a need. I don’t want it to be like that. I want to serve, and part of that is submitting to his will. Completely. Trusting him to fulfill my needs without thinking I’m needy. Still, it would be easier if the line between want and need were a little clearer ~cherishedproperty  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Want is desire. Need is obsession. And when you cross the line from want to need... from desire to obsession... than nothing else will do, no substitute will suffice. Even if it burns us, we have to touch the fire. Love this.
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ali This is VERY insightful and hopefully inspirational to many.... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Communication isn't easy, but then that's true of a lot of worthwhile things. It still takes two to communicate.
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12/17/2019 9:26 am |
What we want isn't what we need . . . Many want money when what they need is to be carefree, or they want power when what they need is control. They want beauty and youth when what they need is love. Sometimes we understand what we want or what we need and sometimes we're just wishing . . . and wishing is just dreaming. You are a conjuror . . . so dreaming is needing.
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12/17/2019 8:56 am |
I love this. sexy body
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12/17/2019 8:07 am |
I appreciate this
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Lovely text and an insight for a man. Goes without saying I'd like to kneel beind the lady in the picture......and take my time
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aliljaded, that was one of the best blogs I have read in a long time. Thank you for sharing! You needs are just that. How you express them is a changing process. It is my opinion, that you will not be judged for expressing your needs, or wants for that matter. Your Master will know the difference if he is real and in touch with you. Wishing you the best!
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12/17/2019 4:38 am |
Looked and read your many posts. I now am beginning to understand; not you, but the depths and darkness of your soul and mind. How deep do you dare go; not a challenge, rather an a curiosity of your longevity before you implode. I once new one like you, too fragile to hold; too precious to own.
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This is a great piece. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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