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The Slow Unfurling of Sadism I don’t consider myself a masochist per se, but pain is an important part of my submission. Sometimes that feels weird to say—that I like pain and need pain, but I’m not a masochist. For me, the difference is that pain is an expression of my submission, not an end in itself. I enjoy the opportunity to give myself to my Dominant in ways that are hard for me. I enjoy knowing that I am a girl who doesn’t get choices, even if my Dominant chooses for me to suffer. And I need these “proof of ownership” moments, even when I don’t always enjoy them. But as someone who needs pain, I have dated sadists. Actually, I kind of adore them. Sadists are deeply emotionally aware. When you are a person who feels aroused and emotionally connected through inflicting pain, you learn to read every quiver, every trembling lip, the inflection of every scream. You become hyperfocused on your partner’s emotional and physical state because that’s what feeds you— and because you know what can go wrong. Sadists know that they enjoy hurting people. For most, it takes time to come to terms with that. And even when you’ve accepted your desire to inflict pain, building trust with a new person is always hard. To show the person you care about that you love their agony… It takes time. No one in kink exercises more self-restraint than the sadist. So this means people with deep emotional awareness are required to take serious emotional risks with their partners. This leads to an endearing pattern that I call the slow unfurling of sadism (alternate title: How Sadists are Like Shy Baby Groundhogs). Sadists tend to start slower than other D-types. They don’t cause a lot of pain right away. They test something out, then they back off a little. A flicker of pain, then back to soft and sweet. Then they push a little further, and then back off a little. Gradually, they create a safe space for their submissive to suffer—to let the pain flow freely. They earn a submissive’s trust by showing they are in control and respect boundaries. At the same time, they are also creating opportunities for their submissive to earn their trust—trust that they won’t be rejected and trust that what they are doing is consensual. Sadists need reassurance. Did you endure pain out of submissive obligation, or did you want it? Did it mean something to you? They need to know if you felt a connection through the pain. They need to know if it turned you on. They need to know if you want more. As a submissive, I love these moments. I get to tell my partner that I love the glimmer in their eyes before they hurt me, or that I smile every time I run my fingers over the welts on my ass. I am honest about my limits, but I also show my sadist the joy I feel in serving through pain. The most rewarding moment is when a sadist looks deep into your eyes and tells you they want to lick the tears off your face while they make you scream. And then they do it. Because that’s when you know they’ve let you in. They’ve trusted you with a part of themselves that few people get to see, let alone love. That is a beautiful feeling, and well worth the time it takes to get there. cherished-property~  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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nice blog, get pics too, I will be reading more keep up the good work
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2/19/2020 12:39 pm |
Accepting the reality of who we are is quite freeing. The sane and intellectual reality of that realization cannot be put into words.
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 Kudos lovely"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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So spot on.... I love this, Hugs L "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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ali This is another beautiful insightful piece  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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2/19/2020 12:07 am |
Accepting the reality of who we are is quite freeing. The sane and intellectual reality of that realization cannot be put into words.
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Very interesting article and sadism has many forms
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ali This is another beautiful insightful piece A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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2/18/2020 8:31 am |
One of his greatest talents was empathy; no sadist can aspire to perfection without that diagnostic ability. — Vernor Vinge
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So spot on.... I love this, Hugs L
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Very interesting read, as always...
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Kudos lovely
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2/18/2020 4:51 am |
The body is not an entity, but a vessel for the mind. A sadist doesn't train the body, he uses it to train the mind. S&M is not what you see . . It's far deeper than that.
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The piece is absolutely right on the money. I love it. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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