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Actually Size Does Matter I was standing up at a friend’s wedding and a few minutes before the ceremony was to begin the bridesmaids, groomsmen, father of the bride, and the bride was huddled in the back of the church. My friends soon to be wife was so nervous that she was shaking and while her Dad was there, he seemed to be at a loss of how to calm her. The best man, a close friend of both the bride and groom, stepped in to try and break the tension. He calmly put his arm around the bride and very soothingly said: “There is nothing to be nervous about, this is a piece of cake. All you have to do is walk down the aisle with your Dad, then stand at the altar and we will sing a hymn.” The bride nervously nodded her understanding and the best man continued: “Just repeat after me until you have it down. Aisle, altar, hymn.” As she started repeating this out loud, with the rest of us biting our tongues and after her third repetition, she burst out laughing which calmed her nerves. This humorous story as nothing to do with the lifestyle but it made me think about how people are “teaching” and others are learning about BDSM. One of the biggest complaints I hear from many who are newer to the lifestyle (mostly new d-types) is that books and educational blog posts are too lengthy and people do not have that kind of time to invest. This caused me to think, how do you learn about the lifestyle if you are not going to read? I am sure some people step out and become active in their in-person community, attend events, and have sought out experienced mentors but I do not see this happening because all of those routes also involve the investment of time (more time than reading actually). As I look around the kinky interwebs, it seems that “knowledge” seems to be disseminated in quick little 5, 10, or 20 step mantras and guides offering advice such as repeat these five things to become a good submissive or here are ten steps to be the most amazing dominant in the Western World. Plus it always seems to me that these ditties are paired with a sensual picture or gif. The lifestyle is very complex and deep. I believe it cannot be picked up in just a few hours of perving Tumblr, Reddit, or FetLife, and what exactly is that erotic picture attached to the Daily Daddy Ditty teaching people? While I feel there is nothing wrong with the writing, reading, or investing in these ‘quickies’ as many do contain nuggets of wisdom but this lifestyle requires a person to do a deep dive, especially if someone is inexperienced. One of the things I love about D/S is how vast it is and the more I learn, I know there is so much more I need to study. Something else I find many of those who are new and are looking for the quick, condensed learning curve is they often miss the most amazing part of the journey into the lifestyle. In my experience, the best part of the trip to BDSMville is the self-discovery that happens along the way and this is never-ending. I believe there are no shortcuts on this voyage of enlightenment, no Google Maps to figure out where you are and where you will end up. A person’s path to their lifestyle destination is the one they create by pushing forward, learning, and growing with every step they take. Size does matter because the amount of a person’s investment in learning and personal growth will impact what they get back from the lifestyle. There is no shortcut on the road to being a better person and blossoming in the lifestyle role that fits an individual’s soul. ©TLK2020  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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8/6/2020 11:55 pm |
Not only in the BDSM Lifestyle, but with all more complex things there are people who want to have it easy. Event when it is not easy .......
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8/6/2020 10:44 am |
ali This is so true ! and important! We only get out of something , what we put in....
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knowledge is an illusion, wisdom is power. Beauty comes in all sizes!
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Each Domme I talk with has her own idea of what they want/need......without this interaction I would truly be lost
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Who can argue with this I ask???
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ali This is so true ! and important! We only get out of something , what we put in.... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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A good point well made as usual, Alli!!!
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Knowledge is power.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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