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The Double-Edged Sword of Brattiness “But I’m warning you, I’m kind of a brat.” “No, you’re not. You’re just a girl who hasn’t had firm boundaries and desperately needs them.” This was a few years ago, in my baby sub days. I had been kind of bratty in past relationships, but this Dom was not one to tolerate it. I worried he wouldn’t like me. But it turns out that he was right about me. I had always been bratty because I had a deep need for structure that had never been met. I was bratty because I was clawing for boundaries that weren’t there. I teased because it felt like the only way to be thrown down and ravaged. I intentionally broke rules because it felt like the only way I’d feel that tight control closing in on me. I wasn’t a brat; I was a submissive who craved deep and unrelenting dominance. Ownership. Now that I understand what I need, I can mostly quell those bratty impulses. When I need to feel my Dominant’s control, I say so in a metatalk. I ask how I can serve. I ask permission for things (and sometimes hope for a “no”). I give my Dominant opportunities to lead. I find ways to feel those firm boundaries within my role, rather than stepping out of it. But part of me thinks there is still value in brattiness—not in outright disobedience, but maybe in close calls. You approach the electrified fence. You hear the hum. You use something to test it. Maybe you get a quick zap, just to know it’s there and working. But you don’t barrel through the fence. Gently testing the boundaries can be a comforting reminder that they are there and strong. You are submitting to something, not just making it up in your head. A little brattiness can also signal confidence in the dynamic. It’s only when you know the leash is there that you can tug on it a little. That’s the key—a little. There’s a rush of connection from being put back in your place, but it wears off. And then you’re left in a worse place than when you started. It can be tempting to push the boundaries, especially when you desperately need to feel them. But brattiness is not giving your Dominant opportunities to lead. You cannot disobey your way to firm boundaries and deep ownership. Playfulness is one thing, but intentional disobedience is toxic to the dynamic. Instead, you lean in. You ask permission. You have open, honest conversations about what you need and what is missing. Brattiness may make a spark, but it’s rarely enough to build a fire. It has taken me some time to figure it out. But no, I’m not a brat. I like to say that I’m a good girl…96.2% of the time. @cherished-property *Archive  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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I shudder to contemplate my brattiness percentage lately, *LOL* All for the reasons *ahem* mentioned in this delightful article though.
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If it were me, I'd prefer a sub with character. Call it playful brattiness pushing back a little, or exploring limits...
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6/19/2021 10:06 am |
Bratty sub at times can be entertaining. But if your bratty too often. Then it can be annoying. And result in uncomfortable exchange
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I never quite accepted the concept of "Brattiness" in regards to an adult woman. Love the picture though.
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A little spurt of bratty is normal but I always try to be obedient.
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6/19/2021 5:45 am |
I agree with DD but I suspect if a Dom becomes complacent about pushing limits she will act out. Thats why we all have our fav punishment just waiting to be used for brattiness.
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Testing boundaries leads to new experiences and sensations, challenges make the hunt much for exhilarating and more in tune with emotions that follow
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I have no patience for a continuously bratty sub. To me they are kind of topping from the bottom. Testing the limit, I feel is another thing and should be employed on occasion by all submissives. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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I do feel it's safe to "test limits" sometimes. It's how we get beyond them. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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