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The Hazards Of Ignoring In A D/s Relationship I wanted to write about some of the health hazards that ignoring can cause. Ignoring your sub is NOT, I repeat NOT a form of punishment. It is a form of mental abuse. Submissives are needy by nature and if a Dom is not ready to accept that responsibility, then D/s is not for them. BDSM relationships are built on trust and communication. Doms need to keep that window open for their submissives to talk to them about anything they are worried about, and ignoring closes that. Ignoring does not discipline a submissive - it teaches them how to live without said, Dom. Some submissives will feel rejected, angry, and can have anxiety and panic attacks. I personally know if I were ever ignored, I’d be sitting in a corner trying to calm myself down while crying my eyes out, and I know I’m not the only one. My Dom and I have a rule in our relationship - the punishment should match the transgression within the rules of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Ignoring does not do this. It is not consensual, and it does not match the transgression. A Dom who ignores shows they are not creative or caring enough to give their sub a punishment that instructs them how to learn and move on from their mistake. "Oh, but ignoring is the only thing that works." No, no it isn’t. Stop. You’re uncreative and lazy. It doesn’t WORK, it’s just a way for you to avoid the situation. There are ways to discipline EVERY transgression or broken rule that are NOT abusive and do NOT include ignoring. If you honestly think ignoring is the only way, then you need to sit down with some other Doms and see what they do. That being said, I titled this the hazards of ignoring within a D/s relationship because ignoring can go both ways. Submissives, ignoring your Dom when you’re angry or upset is destructive. Doms need submissives just as much as you need them, and a D/s relationship is a relationship, and relationships require communication or they will fail. Ignoring problems does not answer them. If you and your Dom are in a rough spot, then you must talk it over. Doms are not telepathic. They do not know every thought or doubt, and just a little insight might help them calm your fears. However, if you are in a relationship with a Dom and he is mistreating you, as in non-consensual manipulation and abuse, then talking it over isn’t always best. Abusive relationships are toxic and unhealthy and ignoring the person and running away, possibly getting help if you’re comfortable, is a viable option. If you honestly feel like that’s the best choice and the only choice, then you should get yourself out of that situation. Just to recap, ignoring should not be used as a punishment. Ever. A Dom should not ever ignore a sub and a sub should be just as considerate unless they are in a toxic relationship and need a means of escape. Ignoring will lead to the destruction of a relationship. Before I end this post, I want to cover one more topic. If you just forget to talk to your submissive for a long period of time, it doesn’t matter if you weren’t ‘ignoring’ them, it still has the SAME effects of being ignored, the EXACT SAME. Make time for your submissive and ensure that they are not being ignored and forgotten. If you are going out to do something for a long period of time, give them objectives to do and set alarms if you have to so you remember to check up on them. It’s a simple thing that can easily go unnoticed. Even a submissive can do this, such as if they went out shopping with friends with minimum contact with their Dom. I myself am guilty of doing that once, and I can tell you that Southern was very emotionally distraught and upset. It was a mistake on my part, and I should have made more time to update and talk to him - but it’s not one I will make again. It is not too late to learn from mistakes and attempt to restore relationships. If you can, do so - but remember, ignoring is NOT a punishment or a way to make the other person want you more. It doesn’t work. They learn to live and love without you. Forgetting to talk to them can have the same consequences, although less deliberate. Be considerate of your lover, your Dom, or your sub. Be mindful of your actions and thoughtful of the consequences, and for the love of the Gods, please, please, please, listen to them when they are upset over something. Punishments and discipline, although not necessarily wanted by the sub, are CONSENSUAL. The submissive should trust a Dom enough to consent to be disciplined or punished for their actions so they can learn and grow. It is NOT a right, it is a privilege, and one that should be treasured and held as sacred.  ~ kitdreams "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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2/6/2022 9:38 am |
if you ignoor your slave for any reason you do not deserve her
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A submissive's mind should be stronger than their feelings. But ignoring a person is not a form of training . . It is a form of taking them for granted.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Very well said. Kudos to you my dear. When I ignore someone, it’s because I don’t like them. That in itself should explain how horribly wrong ignoring a sub can be. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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This was a good read. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I totally agree with you. Ignoring makes me so unhappy. But only for a short time. Then I get totally disconnected. If someone likes you, they want to spend time with you, Not play games. xx "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I'm anyhow not into the punishment game. That doesn't mean that I can not take some painful play, but not ever as punishment. If there is something of concern to discuss then I expect it to be talked out in a civilized matter. That does not only mean that I bring any concerns, or bad feelings in a respectful way to his attention but also in the opposite direction in the same way. Yelling or angry tantrums are never going to work, be it by a dom or a sub. They just make you look like a little child. And ignoring is just as aggressive as yelling and angry accusation, just in a passive form. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I'd rather have the dressing down than the ignoring!  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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A submissive's mind should be stronger than their feelings. But ignoring a person is not a form of training . . It is a form of taking them for granted. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Ignoring leads to feelings of abandonment and in the long run some resentment and anger. It means you will likely loose the submissive. Just not a good thing to do. Time outs with specific periods of reflection can be useful, as long as they are not really long. You can't just ignore you have to state why you are not going to engage first and then stick to the stated time. Just ignoring without the reasoning, is confusing to a submissive. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Ja! Yes, Great writing. My fiirst... , never mind!  amp;, once told me, if he wanted me to feel bad, (?) he would ignore me, i told him, if he did that, he could go to hell!What a match, we were!  NOT Not really a (mental) healthy approach of him, dont you think?  As i am not interested in a punishment dynamic - It Is a Relation! You talk with each other in Relations! It will be the end of the trust thing! Not compatible! I can tell you, there are a lot of socalled ds, in the Dutch scene, who practise this.... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Thank you. Very insightful, ignoring is used by.those with lack of insight and understanding. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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2/5/2022 4:49 pm |
Very well said. Kudos to you my dear. When I ignore someone, it’s because I don’t like them. That in itself should explain how horribly wrong ignoring a sub can be.
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2/4/2022 2:27 pm |
This was a good read.
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When someone ignores me, there is an unconscious disconnection. It only takes a few times and I completely disconnect from them completely.
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I'm anyhow not into the punishment game. That doesn't mean that I can not take some painful play, but not ever as punishment. If there is something of concern to discuss then I expect it to be talked out in a civilized matter. That does not only mean that I bring any concerns, or bad feelings in a respectful way to his attention but also in the opposite direction in the same way. Yelling or angry tantrums are never going to work, be it by a dom or a sub. They just make you look like a little child. And ignoring is just as aggressive as yelling and angry accusation, just in a passive form.
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I'd rather have the dressing down than the ignoring!
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2/4/2022 6:31 am |
A submissive's mind should be stronger than their feelings. But ignoring a person is not a form of training . . It is a form of taking them for granted.
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Ignoring leads to feelings of abandonment and in the long run some resentment and anger. It means you will likely loose the submissive. Just not a good thing to do. Time outs with specific periods of reflection can be useful, as long as they are not really long. You can't just ignore you have to state why you are not going to engage first and then stick to the stated time. Just ignoring without the reasoning, is confusing to a submissive. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Ja! Yes, Great writing. My fiirst... , never mind! amp;, once told me, if he wanted me to feel bad, (?) he would ignore me, i told him, if he did that, he could go to hell!What a match, we were! NOT Not really a (mental) healthy approach of him, dont you think? As i am not interested in a punishment dynamic - It Is a Relation! You talk with each other in Relations! It will be the end of the trust thing! Not compatible! I can tell you, there are a lot of socalled ds, in the Dutch scene, who practise this....
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Thank you. Very insightful, ignoring is used by.those with lack of insight and understanding.
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2/4/2022 4:30 am |
So...Stunnigly..Sensuous....I Treat My Subs, as, A Queen...Nurture, Respect, & Protect...Attentive to All..Their, Needs...
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