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Care To Play 20 Questions? Most people have played the fun game of twenty questions before but sometimes it seems to me that people in the D/S lifestyle can jump into a relationship without really understanding what that amazing potential partner wants or expects. I believe we all know what that then leads to, discomfort, and possible dissolution of a new relationship. So, I thought of twenty questions that I feel should be asked rather than just assumed. 1. Are you single? This is a no-brainer right but it is amazing how many people just make this assumption only to find out that Mr. or Ms. Wonderful is otherwise in a relationship. 2. What style of relationship are you seeking, monogamous, poly, or open? Once again, many people make assumptions only to be blindsided down the yellow-brick relationship road when their new partner discusses poly or adding someone to the mix or is against doing this. Rather than be caught off guard, this is a must-ask. 3. Definitions are important, so make sure to ask what being dominant or submissive means to you. Within the lifestyle, so many people have different ideas of what these basic terms mean, this is also a must-ask. People are quick to color a potential partner with their definitions and it is vital to understand how the other person defines lifestyle roles. 4. How long ago was your last lifestyle relationship? This is important because there could be red flags if the person is just out of a partnership. If they are, then it means determining if you feel they are relationship-ready or if you might be just the ‘rebound’ date(s). 5. Have they had a lifestyle partnership before? The person you are interested in may well claim to have been around the lifestyle for a good amount of time but it is also important to know if in that time they have experienced a relationship with the lifestyle being a part of it. 6. What do you enjoy about the lifestyle? I feel that this is important because if a person is looking for more than just play, they talk about some of the non-play parts of the lifestyle. For example, a d-type may discuss how special it is to see a submissive grow or an s-type could share, they love not having to make every decision. Play might well be part of this but it can be a great way to see through someone who wants to play rather than engage in something deeper than a playship. 7. When it comes to lifestyle play, what are your must-haves? This is important, using myself as an example, I do not enjoy rope bondage at all. It is beautiful to look at when others do it but if that was something that was a must or something a potential partner enjoys, odds are, things are not going to mesh when it comes time to ‘enjoy’. 8. Safewords are critical, so please ask what are your safewords, and have you ever had used them/had them used? Yes, I believe a d-type should have them so they could immediately stop play. If it needed to stop now rather than have time lost because the submissive thought, they were just ‘playing’. Submissives, if a dominant is dismissive towards safewords in any way, shape, or form, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, and never go on a date with them. 9. Ask how open are you about the lifestyle? Imagine meeting someone amazing but discovering they are completely open about the lifestyle, meaning everyone in their life knows they love them some BDSM but perhaps you are more careful with who knows your lifestyle choices. Understanding another’s openness or lack of it is very important because it can cause riffs or worse later. 10. Everyone has made horrific mistakes in past relationships, so I suggest asking, what was the worst mistake you have made as a dominant or submissive? Unless the person is new to the lifestyle, they will have a mistake to share or if they are newer, craft the question to just vanilla dating. I am now going to suggest some very vanilla questions but I want to suggest these because it can be very easy to get caught up in lifestyle questions and forget your potential relationship will have to function in the vanilla world as well. 11. Are you looking for a forever relationship or something shorter? Very often people are surprised when they discover a person, they are dating is not looking for the same end goal as they are. Ask about this upfront because if they are looking for happily ever after and you are seeking happiness but not long term, there will be issues. 12. Would you be willing to move or would you want me to relocate? Many people here find themselves in long-distance relationships but have never really put thought into the ‘end game’ of actually living together. Discover this up front and know if you are in a place to relocate or if you would require your suitor to rent the moving van. Sadly, you may find someone completely amazing but find that relocating is not an option on both ends which would leave the relationship stranded in video dating hell forever. So, make sure you discover this before your dominant or submissive is just an image on your electronic device. 13. What are your goals in life? It is important that dreams and desires mesh. 14. What about those meddling ? No, I am not suggesting a Scooby Do marathon for date night but if you have , want them/more of them, or you are not someone who wants them, talk about it. In today’s world with co-parenting, single parenting, wanting to be a parent, or determined to not be a parent discussing and how they fit into a potential future is an important discussion. 15. How much alone time do they need? Some people need time alone to recharge and others recharge by being with their partner. Discover a prospect's alone time needs before there is a brouhaha because one side feels smothered and the other cannot understand why they do not want to always be with them. The last five are indeed what I would call no-brainers but I am including them here because so often in the lifestyle people get lost in the world of spanking, floggers, and kinky fuckery while forgetting relationships happen in real life. There is a ton more than just these five questions but I am adding them here to be a reminder of this. 16. What do you do for a living? 17. What are your hobbies? 18. Share three activities you look forward to sharing with a future partner? 19. Tell me about your family. 20. What is your go-to type of music or artist? I know this list is not a definitive guide to questions to ask in the amazing world of lifestyle dating but, in my time, involved in the lifestyle rodeo, sometimes it seems that people’s<b> brains </font></b>short-circuit when they meet someone truly amazing. While it is awesome to have had the honor to get to know someone like that, it is more than amazing to make a real-world relationship work. So, I hope these questions will help be a circuit breaker next time Ms. or Mr. Wonderful appears on a person’s dating radar. ©TLK2020  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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… an excellent balance! I can’t see making the list any shorter. Thank you for sharing. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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yeah that’s pretty much all the ?s l ask though some l present in a different manner along w sharing info of myself...when l get no response l know then they’re scammers & fakes which is also helpful in weeding out undesirables quickly! lol "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Question "20. What is your go-to type of music or artist?" is a must.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Excellent content and questions. This lifestyle is not a game. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Great list. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Great list  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Good list. I do often ask about vanilla things a potential partner enjoys and rarely get much of an answer ... sigh. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Fantastic post! Sometimes people get so fascinated with a prospective partner, they forget to inquire about real-world things. I like your question #15 - I'm one of those people who needs a fair amount of alone time. Thanks for posting! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I'm glad you enjoyed them. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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sounds cliché, but in relationships honesty is the best policy "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Great and thoughtful list. Thanks for sharing "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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… an excellent balance! I can’t see making the list any shorter. Thank you for sharing.
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yeah that’s pretty much all the ?s l ask though some l present in a different manner along w sharing info of myself...when l get no response l know then they’re scammers & fakes which is also helpful in weeding out undesirables quickly! lol
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Question "20. What is your go-to type of music or artist?" is a must.
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Excellent content and questions. This lifestyle is not a game. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Great list.
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Great list
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Good list. I do often ask about vanilla things a potential partner enjoys and rarely get much of an answer ... sigh.
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Fantastic post! Sometimes people get so fascinated with a prospective partner, they forget to inquire about real-world things. I like your question #15 - I'm one of those people who needs a fair amount of alone time. Thanks for posting!
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Thats a good list of questions. One that struck me particularly is definitions the D/s labels have different meanings for each person - dom/sub/master/slave etc
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11/7/2022 7:17 am |
One question; Would you still want to be Dominant or submissive even if it meant there would be no sex involved . . If you honestly can't separate being Dominant or submissive from the sexual aspects of the lifestyle then perhaps your reason for wanting to be Dominant or submissive or coming on an alternative website are a tad superficial.
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sounds cliché, but in relationships honesty is the best policy
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11/7/2022 6:40 am |
Great and thoughtful list. Thanks for sharing
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Re-posting for Content. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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