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Aftercare, A Must What is aftercare? Aftercare is what happens after BDSM play (or even after vanilla play). It allows all participants to process what just happened and help them recover if needed. Why is aftercare important? When involved with BDSM play, whether sexual in nature or not, there is a significant mental component that involves all parties shifting into some sort of role. There may be highs and lows that are both mental, but also physical ones created by endorphins, adrenaline, etc. It's also a chance to assess the physical state of all parties. Were there any injuries? Aftercare grounds us back in the real world. What does aftercare look like for you? Aftercare for me is usually quiet, cuddling, and sometimes a short nap. If there is touching it should be firm touches. They help ground me. Light or quick touches send my brain into a panic. Usually, after a short nap, He will give me a nice firm back rub while I eat a snack to get my blood sugar back up. Is aftercare only for the s? What about the D type or top? Nope! Everyone needs aftercare. The touching and cuddling and back rubs are for Him too. He's making sure I'm ok. It reassures him that I'm ok. He's getting loving comfort from it too. If stuff went differently than expected, this is where we talk about it so we can avoid it in the future. Is aftercare something that needs to be negotiated? To some extent, yes. A person should be able to state their aftercare needs to make sure the top can meet those needs. If any changes to aftercare are required, that needs to be discussed as soon as possible. Needs can change over time.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Always check and determine. Always play it safe. Learn what it is before you play.
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Alijaded, I gave first my comment and read then your contribution without changing 1 yota : Just cuddling slowly and looking at your lovely curved buttocks without too much of talking is more than enough for aftercare....I don't like too much talking after a long and intense session but take it easy and enjoy the moment of silence and slightly touching each other...and giving feedback after at least an hour of activity and a shower. Even waiting a bit longer to discuss the past session suits me better. Great profile picture, even if -in case - its not you on it! Greetz, Dom J.Julius
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Hmm, i dont like after care, aftercare. I like his care, period! Not just after some scene, as a kind of obligation, "to do"..... To make him and her or any other combination of sexe, feel good. There was a while ago, a very big talk about "the blanket" as a way of after care.. "give the submissive a blanket and she will be alight"- after care.. Every submissiive needed a blanket, after a scene!  It is not one size fits all! Some dominants dont want to give aftercare, that does not make them a bad dominant, those two people are just not compatible, if the submissive needs aftercare... As a dominant, you care for your submissive! No matter what! Thát is one part of you, being dominant, in my eyes, that is..... Within the bounderies you both discussed. Most sex players, on here, dont have the mental capacity to understand the necessaty for submissives, to need their care, anyway...... Nice writing! 
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aftercare is a very important sensual bonding tool thou also dependent on the amount of pain the sub endured as to what is required to correctly tend to their physical mental & emotional needs...it also differs from each sub as to what they need as well but still vital be it time & space alone a gentle caress or soft gentle love making it all varies!
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ali You are right! Good aftercare is essential! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Each relationship has different needs and must be understood.
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It really is different for each person and therefore should be talked through to avoid misunderstandings. Some might need just some time on thier own before rejoining the partner. It is so very individual.
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Very useful advise, I'd like to add the following: Massage, relaxing music to soothe the body. Stretching, especially after maintaining a position for a time - yoga is good. With impact play - using a lotion containing Arnica to reduce the bruising (for those that are keen on showing any marks), heat / cold packs to assist with recovery on the areas that had impact play. Antinseptic cream - apply for any grazes, cuts, burns and reduce the cnace of infection. Debriefs - a chance to go over the activity - look at where to improve, what went well, lessons learnt and a chance to unpack mentally what can be a very full on experience.
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This is something that I believe doesn't get enough attention. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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