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Age Gaps And Lifestyle Relationships At times it can feel that the older you are, the harder it becomes to find a partner, especially in D/S. A case in point was a recent post from a submissive who has leveled up in life a few times and is seeking a daddy dominant. In their writing, they expressed disappointment because they felt that those who identify as daddy dominants want younger partners thus leaving them out in the cold. The struggles with lifestyle dating plus the D/S Dear Abbey’s who preach against age differences bring about the need for a frank discussion of age gaps in lifestyle partnerships. One thing to consider is that a daddy d-type does not mean an age gap in the relationship. This style of dominance is about the methods and manners the D-type employees embrace. There is a common misconception that someone who identifies as a DD wants or needs a partner that is younger, often significantly younger as a submissive. The same is true about age regression play, an s-type who is a little, being a mandatory component of a lifestyle relationship with a daddy dominant. While many who seek a daddy Dom, do enjoy age play, there are many submissives as well as DDs who find age regression play to not be their jam but simply enjoy the style of leadership that daddies are known for. Additionally, while there are individuals who seek a younger partner, it does not link to a specific role or gender. As an example, we all need to clear our throats so we can “rawr!” because many cougar submissives are prowling about in our kinky forests. Some assume the role of daddy dominant because they are an ODB, old dirty bastard, that uses the title of “daddy” to target young, naive, and/or vulnerable submissives thus allowing ODB to get thrills. This is the reason the majority of those who take titles online such as lifestyle trainer, teacher, instructor, and professor are ODBs and the use of the before-mentioned monikers must be seen as a red flag. These sleazy schoolmasters often claim they just want to teach the lifestyle which translates into getting their grubby little paws on fresh lifestyle meat. A quick note of clarification, not all who are kinky Professor Proton types are ODBs, some do just teach and share their experiences. These good apples are just like amazing educators in the vanilla world, they want to empower others, but the lessons shared are never done by engaging in hands-on learning. Also, just like in the real world, make sure those who teach their theories, walk a walk in life that reflects their teaching, for example, they do not preach trust as well as honesty while having a wife at home that they cheat on with their students. On the flip side of that, this is a good flip slide, because the lifestyle brings people together with open minds some connections happen between people who do have a gap in their ages. Open minds make themselves available to being loved and loving someone that perhaps Dr. Phil and vanilla society might disagree with. Speaking of the vanilla world, is it, not a craptastic double standard that men are often lauded for having a much younger partner but women are not? Manthers are acceptable but cougars are not, facepalming. So with the lifestyle being a place where open minds gather, you do encounter more partnerships that occur between people of all ages, and the majority of these come from the heart. Additionally, it is not just dominants with younger submissives in the lifestyle but it is just as likely to see a submissive older, perhaps significantly older, than their d-type. When it comes to age differences in relationships, more people have contrasts in their “levels” in the lifestyle versus the vanilla bean world but that is not because it is an expectation in D/S nor is it something that daddy dominants want/need but it is due to the prevalence of open minds and hearts that are found here in the lifestyle. While some bad actors try to take advantage of this openness, most people involved in age-gap lifestyle relationships do so from places of goodness rather than from selfishness. With open minds come open hearts and in a lifestyle of very open minds, like D/S, relationships blossom and grow between consenting adults of all ages, even those with gaps between them. How do you feel about age-gap relationships and why? ©TLK2023  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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We met (on this site) when I was 54 and she was 23 and went on to have ~5 years of almost utter bliss. The subject of age difference did come up a few times, but mostly we just got on being us and it didn't matter. I am so glad I knew her. She knows who she is. ❤️
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We love your blogs. Being an older FLR couple we can really relate to this one. It is really hard to find open minded people. Especially ones that can accept female doms that are mature. These days we find it hard if not almost impossible to meet and greet any people if only just to share ideas and experiences. Being new to this (outside the house) it seems as though we just can't find venues to explore or fantasies, taboos and fetishes. Thanks for posting on such a broad range of topics!
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I'm not really down with like the 70 yr Dom and 22 yr Old sub.. But I think sometimes it is practical for a Dominant to have a younger/ slightly younger partner..like in the case of Dommes. As they age they are in their sexual/ lifestyle prime.. While men their age have peaked. So it makes sense to have a man that matches what she needs...which tend to be younger
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Many years ago, in my vanilla days, I was very attracted to a younger girl. The problem was, when I first saw her, she was about 16, and I was 28. Even though I saw her on a regular basis for about 6 years, at which time the age difference would have been less of consequence, I simply could not engage with her. This may have been because when I first saw her, the thought of getting into a relationship with her made me feel like a paedophile. In hindsight, it was the greatest mistake of my life, as she is the only person I have come across in my life that I felt that I could truely worship. Not in a bdsm way, more of a life partner. When I turned 39, I came across a girl aged 20, who had really lost her way in life. Party drugs, prostitution, college drop out with all the wrong friends. Her parents were good people, but very poor parents. While I helped her during a very low moment in her life, I didn't think anything further would eventuate. But, she moved into my life, not the other way round, and introduced me to the concept of being a DD. Our relationship developed without any thoughts of age play, paedophilia, or , I developed into her sexually involved dominant father figure. It was a beautiful relationship which lasted 6 years, with my getting her back on track and putting her through college. The relationship ended on good terms, with me being the one to finalise it, as she really neede to be with someone of a suitable age to spend a life with. I'd give anything to be in this situation again, but I realise that the likelihood is neigh on impossible. For me, it has to be younger. Any age 10 years or more would work. Preferably at the older end of the spectrum, as the next I would like to be until death do us part. Mending a broken person and watching them as they repair is greatly fulfilling. A previously abused sub would be good, getting her back to where she wanted to be in the first place. Your post should be noted by all, as even someone in a relationship they feel is going good, may still be being manipulated and used, something that may not be apparent until things don't go the Dom's way. It isn't just age different relationships, it's all of them. Question everything in your own mind, as well as your doms, it may prevent you from suffering damage or danger.
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lol!...despite what my moniker is l am not a sleazy school master or a DOB nor am l after or into young girls I don’t even converse w anybody under 35 I do not claim to educate train mentor etc. I am not a predator pediphile or a dangerous presence I am me being me a DOMinate who’s into TPE role play dirty talk various spankings bondage looking for like a minded partner that is stable fit & mature I understand what you’re saying here but l also take offense w it making me look bad as I’m a very open honest trustworthy good Catholic boy dirty minded kinky old man lifestyle DOMinate not a DOB damaging using women it’s hard finding anyone online as the majority of women are damaged & broken w insecurity & trust issues
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This pushing-76-year-old male sub is heartened by your last comment, alj. LOL. Hope springs eternal, I guess... The domme/mistress I seek is out there, somewhere...I keep reminding myself. How I wish I were 21 again, though.
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There are a lot of frustrations with finding someone online. Women (I am straight) my age tend to be married and want something on the side. No thanks. I am allergic to angry husbands with shotguns. So younger women see my profile and a dialogue begins. I am not against a relationship with a younger woman, but I am not in a place to father babies. I have enjoyed the company of younger women and put two of them through college. The last one in my life ran off with a younger man. There was a lesson to be learned there. Thanks for the post. Hang in there.
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A great blog. I tend to keep a nonjudgmental attitude toward age gaps. Unless I know the people involved who is to say what the needs are between the two people involved? As for Old Dirty Bastards, a trick that often works very well in weeding them out or identifying them is to take your time getting to know an old Dominant Daddy. Always ask a lot of questions. ODBs or any type of predator will quite often abandon a younger submissive if it's going to require an extended amount of time. A Daddy Dominant that has your best interests in mind will be very open to taking all the time you need in order to make the D/s relationship work.
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First off, I like the outfit the lady in the photo is wearing. I can't stand the word "trainer" so often used or as your post indicated people who claim to be so called trainers. That also applies to so called self proclaimed "mentors". When I became active in the public community oh so many years ago, there were not so many around that made such claims. Many who had been around, were happy to give back to the "community" by helping to instruct new folks. They were not out to add new folks to their stable. They just plain helped, answering questions, giving demos, participating in discussion groups. If, and I do mean if a submissive sought out a person to guide them in kink world, they selected that person, in part form other submissive who found an on ramp to this freeway of exploration. Bottom line, those claiming to be trainers and mentors, who approach newer, usually younger submissive are only after involvement of such new folks to satisfy their own needs. If the new submissive put on blinders to what is going on, they may wind up very disappointed. I do like the element of developing a submissive, it is sort of a fatherly things, guiding and encouraging and helping them screen out the predators. But these days not many will seek out and select a anyone to help them. I suggest new submissive communicate with experience submissive to get perspective. I encourage new folks to get thoughts, opinions, details and such about various activities and about relationship form more than one source. Avoid anyone who claims to be the one true source of information. For myself, I like em older and I like em younger. It is the person not the age. Common values and a large amount of common interests make for better relationships. Kink/sex is not the only element that should be considered. Sadly, many get information from sites like this, which are focused on sex more than anything else. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Hi my dear friend, yes, I believe that many of us have encountered things such as this. But you forgot one. The Dom who claims to be to a Dom but is actually a sub but is too ashamed to say as such. So, they trick a sub into a Domme role with trickery and smoke and mirrors. I prefer younger men myself. I have found that I just prefer the ascetics of a younger looking man. I am not into the "dad body type". That is just my preference. "There is a lid for every pot." I miss you!! xox L
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I am definitely drawn to older Alpha men. I have never dated anyone younger than myself. That goes for "Lifestyle" choices as well. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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