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Unowned The word itself implies a sort of default state—a way things should be. A state is described by the absence of something important. But the longer I am single, the more I wonder about this word. It’s been nearly 15 months since my last D/s relationship ended. At first, “unowned” described perfectly the aching void left in me without the structure of our dynamic. I had no one to ask for permission. No one to make sure I went to bed on time. No one who craved my ever-deepening submission. It was the absence of so many things—not just ownership or love, but truly a loss of identity. What is a submissive when they are unable to serve? I used to say that I’m a relationship person—that my happiness depends on my connection to another. And frankly, I never bought into the idea that you have to be happy as a single person before you can be in a healthy relationship. Some people just aren’t meant for a single life. As a submissive, part of me has always felt incomplete without ownership. When your sense of purpose and fulfillment relies on serving and obeying another, being single can feel empty. It’s right there in the word. Unowned. But over time, the aching void of "unownership" faded. I learned to live as a single person. And now I just feel…fine. No, really. At first, I knew I wasn’t ready to submit. Now I’m just not sure I need to. Submission feels like another me in another lifetime. That girl was so sure of her needs that she turned her life upside down for a chance at fulfilling them. Have my needs changed, or have I just been unfulfilled for so long that I’m numb to them? Am I walking around, unaware that the color has drained from my world? Am I actively looking away from the color, too terrified of what it might mean? Too afraid to get hurt, too afraid to make the wrong choice, too afraid to feel so deeply and give so much of myself. Either way, my submission feels so far away most days. It feels abstract. I have rebuilt my life and my heart so much in the last 18 months that I nearly feel like I new person. But maybe under all of this newness, there’s still a little girl waiting for the right moment to kneel. A friend once told me that these things are like balloons—you can hold them under the water, but they always fight their way to the surface again. I guess time will tell. But that word—unowned—no longer feels like part of me. I am not defined by the absence of something; I am the presence of many somethings. And I have to trust that those "somethings" will lead me down the right path, whether I am meant to kneel or not. ~cherishedproperty  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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complex emotions, unowned never means unlovable, or unworthy "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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This post strikes a chord really... just the other day I wrote a few pages in my diary, something about being single, being alone... I may try to put it in English and share it here in the coming days... the bottom line is that maybe some of us are not meant to be owned, to belong to someone, to have a soulmate... maybe some of us are meant to find their happiness - on their own... alone. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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So, this writing hits home, big time. I am a bit ambivulant in this, it is both, the real urge, inside for... The want, The need... and all that... and also, just living my life, to the best of my possibilities..../ opportunities... It feels as a void, no matter what. something deep inside, that is unfullfilled.... Love this writing, recognise things in it... Thank you. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Being comfortable within yourself makes you a different type of submissive. It makes you realize there are other dimensions within you. That your kink doesn't define you absolutely, although it is absolute. How you search, consider partners becomes different. You no longer need a Dominant, it is a goal now, instead of a requirement. Your soul will know when it's time to shine M, trust me. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Being alone makes one stronger, I believe. I've always been strong but it just reinforced that person in me. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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ali This is beautiful! it shows we can adjust to being alone , but , be open to being owned again for the right person, NOT just anyoine!  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Not a problem But not a desire as well... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think this happens for dominants too. I know I have felt something akin to this in the past. But like you I am OK with being alone. But, I would still like to share life and it does not mean it has to be a d/s situation; however, I know it would have that sort of underpinning. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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You own yourself.
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complex emotions, unowned never means unlovable, or unworthy
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This post strikes a chord really... just the other day I wrote a few pages in my diary, something about being single, being alone... I may try to put it in English and share it here in the coming days... the bottom line is that maybe some of us are not meant to be owned, to belong to someone, to have a soulmate... maybe some of us are meant to find their happiness - on their own... alone.
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So, this writing hits home, big time. I am a bit ambivulant in this, it is both, the real urge, inside for... The want, The need... and all that... and also, just living my life, to the best of my possibilities..../ opportunities... It feels as a void, no matter what. something deep inside, that is unfullfilled.... Love this writing, recognise things in it... Thank you.
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10/3/2023 10:56 am |
Lost in a strange city Nowhere to turn Far cry from the streets that I came from It can get lonely When you're travelling hard But you can even be lonely Standing in your own back yard Nobody knows the existential dread Of the things that go on inside Someone else's head Whether it be trivial Or something that Dante said But baby nobody knows the meaning of loneliness No matter how well you know someone You can only ever guess How can you ever really know somebody else? It takes more than a lifetime Just to get to know yourself Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness Instrumental break I have to say a word about solitude For the soul it sometimes they say can be good And I'm partial to it myself, well I must confess Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness Well there's Sartre and Camus, Nietzsche and Hesse If you dig deep enough You gonna end up in distress And no one escapes having to live life under duress And no one escapes the meaning of loneliness Well they say keep it simple when it gets to be a mess And fame and fortune Never brought anyone happiness I must be lucky Some of my friends think that I'm really blessed Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness Scatting and instrumental break No, no, no, no, nobody knows the meaning of loneliness No, no, no, nobody knows the meaning of loneliness Nobody knows the meaning of loneliness Bright lights, big city nowhere to turn Far cry from the streets where I was born I've been doing some travelling Sometimes the road gets hard But you can also be lonely Standing in your own backyard No, no, no, no, no, no, nobody knows The meaning of loneliness No, no, no, no, nobody knows The meaning of loneliness..." Van Morrison "Meaning of Loneliness" from the album "What's Wrong With This Picture?" October, 2003
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Have my needs changed, or have I just been unfulfilled for so long that I’m numb to them? After having a conversation with a boy this weekend, this is something I ask myself too. Both sides of the slash have their versions I guess. Interesting that you post this today. Thank you.  Ars longa, vita brevis - Art is long, life is short  
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Being comfortable within yourself makes you a different type of submissive. It makes you realize there are other dimensions within you. That your kink doesn't define you absolutely, although it is absolute. How you search, consider partners becomes different. You no longer need a Dominant, it is a goal now, instead of a requirement. Your soul will know when it's time to shine M, trust me.
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Being alone makes one stronger, I believe. I've always been strong but it just reinforced that person in me.
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ali This is beautiful! it shows we can adjust to being alone , but , be open to being owned again for the right person, NOT just anyoine! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Not a problem But not a desire as well...
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I think this happens for dominants too. I know I have felt something akin to this in the past. But like you I am OK with being alone. But, I would still like to share life and it does not mean it has to be a d/s situation; however, I know it would have that sort of underpinning. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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This is unquestionably another learning experience that I will undoubtedly benefit from. It will impart the knowledge and skills that I require. Being alone is not a problem for me. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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