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The Perfect Sub My early beliefs about D/s were shaped by a series of pretty emotionally abusive relationships. And by shit, I read in the weird crevices of the internet. For a long time, I didn’t know any better. Pair that with the fact that I’m a perfectionist and you got some pretty dicey situations. And I’m not talking oh, I like to do well - I’m talking a nearly pathological need to be perfect. I used to think the perfect sub would take whatever they were given and beg for more. I used to think the perfect sub would never have to use their safeword. I used to think the perfect sub was always willing, ready, and available. I used to think the perfect sub didn’t have limits. Or that if they did then they’d happily push and test and abandon those limits to please their Dom(me). I used to think the perfect sub didn’t make waves, didn’t ask for too much, and didn’t need more than what they were given. I used to think the perfect sub was focused entirely on the relationship and on pleasing their Dom(me) and that nothing was ever - EVER - more important than that. I used to think the perfect sub was pleasing, quiet, agreeable, soft, and pliant. Always. Without exception. But now I know better. The perfect sub has limits and safewords when it gets to be too much. The perfect sub is not afraid to safeword whenever and whyever they need to. The perfect sub has needs and speaks up about those needs because they know that their Dom(me) is not a mind reader. The perfect sub has expectations, requirements, and beliefs that they bring to the relationship. The perfect sub has deal breakers and things that will not be negotiated. The perfect sub is not always ready, not always willing, and not always available - and that’s okay. The perfect sub has a life and focus outside of the relationship. The perfect sub has interests, hobbies, friends, and a life. And sometimes that life requires attention. The perfect sub doesn’t necessarily like everything that’s depicted in porn. The perfect sub can’t necessarily deepthroat or take a spanking or be tied up in elaborate positions. The perfect sub knows that communication is key. And knows that it’s okay to stand up for themselves. And knows that their Dom(me) is not a god but a human. And the perfect sub is human too, which means that they’re not really perfect at all. And that’s okay. I’m learning.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Well done, again. Thank you for the enjoyable read, and I couldn't agree more on all points. I have, on occasion, had submissives who didn't communicate. In their own way, they felt it was being somehow less than. Maybe similar to how you felt? They felt it was their duty to endure stoically. As you mentioned, in all but one of those relationships, the difficulty in communication manifested along the entire relationship lifecycle, and I believe was a big part of our relationships not being successful. When MrsFleeting and I first got together, I was still relatively raw from the end of my first marriage. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why she stayed with me. I like to say I didn't have "issues", I had "subscriptions!" Of course, she had some of her own difficulties from previous as well. Anyway, point being, I'm not sure how it happened but I know a big part of was we had once-a-week meetings out of band from our dynamic to discuss anything either of us wanted. It was a way for her to bring up things she was feeling or needs that I wasn't seeing without fear of any kind of repercussion. Of course, the communication requires both sides. A submissive can't feel comfortable sharing their needs if the Dominant reacts poorly or doesn't take appropriate action. At any rate... Enough of my unnecessarily narcissistic mansplaining.  Thanks again for a killer read. Top shelf. Thank you.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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An illusion, indeed! It’s fair to strive for perfect intent, should will and the limits of our perception favor, but even then ever with a smile and tempered well by an understanding that the very fact of being (imperfect) on a right path and clear-of-mind is itself a treasure. Those who claim any form of perfection are at best fools but most likely far worse. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Okay, so you're not perfect... but you're close.  Apologies to Robert Redford for stealing the last line spoken in The Sting "nah... it ain't enough... but it's close". "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Live and learn and learn and learn and learn and learn and learn. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think you have a perfect blog "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I think perfection is overrated. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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The perfect sub is human too, which means that they’re not really perfect at all. That's true on both sides of the equation ... The submissive as well as the Dom(me). As long as they're perfect for each other, all is well. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Thank you. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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The perfect partner is only perfect, in how they deal with their imperfections. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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11/4/2023 8:37 pm |
Well done, again. Thank you for the enjoyable read, and I couldn't agree more on all points. I have, on occasion, had submissives who didn't communicate. In their own way, they felt it was being somehow less than. Maybe similar to how you felt? They felt it was their duty to endure stoically. As you mentioned, in all but one of those relationships, the difficulty in communication manifested along the entire relationship lifecycle, and I believe was a big part of our relationships not being successful. When MrsFleeting and I first got together, I was still relatively raw from the end of my first marriage. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why she stayed with me. I like to say I didn't have "issues", I had "subscriptions!" Of course, she had some of her own difficulties from previous as well. Anyway, point being, I'm not sure how it happened but I know a big part of was we had once-a-week meetings out of band from our dynamic to discuss anything either of us wanted. It was a way for her to bring up things she was feeling or needs that I wasn't seeing without fear of any kind of repercussion. Of course, the communication requires both sides. A submissive can't feel comfortable sharing their needs if the Dominant reacts poorly or doesn't take appropriate action. At any rate... Enough of my unnecessarily narcissistic mansplaining. Thanks again for a killer read. Top shelf.
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An illusion, indeed! It’s fair to strive for perfect intent, should will and the limits of our perception favor, but even then ever with a smile and tempered well by an understanding that the very fact of being (imperfect) on a right path and clear-of-mind is itself a treasure. Those who claim any form of perfection are at best fools but most likely far worse.
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Okay, so you're not perfect... but you're close. Apologies to Robert Redford for stealing the last line spoken in The Sting "nah... it ain't enough... but it's close".
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There can be a perfectly fine match. Both parties accept the others imperfections. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Live and learn and learn and learn and learn and learn and learn. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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I think you have a perfect blog
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I think perfection is overrated.
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11/3/2023 5:59 am |
Lovely sentiments indeed
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Not only is perfection an illusion so is having a partner... an illusion caused by desire, both...
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The perfect sub is human too, which means that they’re not really perfect at all. That's true on both sides of the equation ... The submissive as well as the Dom(me). As long as they're perfect for each other, all is well. Make Women Female Again
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The perfect partner is only perfect, in how they deal with their imperfections.
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Perfection is an illusion. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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