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Let’s Talk Submissive Safety... Walking the journey of a submissive can be one that is both difficult, and fraught with personal danger, but there are many ways to make that journey safer. Let’s talk about some of how YOU as a submissive, can minimize your risk while pursuing your kink journey… DON’T GO IT ALONE!! In isolation, you have no one to turn to for help. One of the single most disturbing types of asks I have gotten over the years has been from submissive people who find themselves in an unhealthy relationship with a partner they are living with, but have nowhere to go, and no one to support their leaving. Once you cease trusting someone’s intentions toward you, you need to have a place to bail out, and people who will support a healthy decision to get out, and start over. Without a backup plan, an abusive relationship can evolve unchecked, with the abuser able to feel like they have the run on their destructive behavior without accountability. THERE IS SAFETY IN NUMBERS… Once an abuser understands that you have support and that their behavior may lead them to trouble with the law, obliterate their reputation within a community of kink, or in any way become answerable for their actions, it becomes more complicated for an abuser to run the table on your limits and consent. LEARN How can learning keep you safe? You’re reading this post, aren’t you? If you take to heart some of what is laid out herein, will you not be safer? The more you know about the rules and etiquette surrounding kink, the less likely you are to be taken in by those who aren’t interested in pesky “safewords”, or other obvious signs you’re not speaking to someone who should be considered for your submission. FIRST “IN REAL LIFE” MEETINGS If you’re meeting a prospective dominant in real life for the first time, do it in a public place. A dominant who would be a good candidate for your submission will not try to steer you from meeting in a public place or push you towards doing things that would take you away from that public place. TELL SOMEONE WHAT YOU’RE DOING When meeting a prospective Dominant for the first time, tell someone you know and trust what you’re doing, and arrange to check in with them several times during your date so they know it is going well, and you are safe. If a prospective Dominant has a problem with this safe practice, do not meet them, or exit the date promptly when that is made known. SCREENING CANDIDATES One of the most important skills a submissive can hone is their ability to screen prospective Dominants. During this time you can ask a million questions about their views on life, philosophies in kink, experience, personal lives, or what kind of dynamic they would build with you, and their plan for carrying it out. This is a time to get to know and trust the person who you may ask to control multiple aspects of your life. You want to really KNOW this person. Nothing is more dangerous than an excited submissive who throws caution to the wind in this realm. Being a good screener is part of being a good, safe submissive. SAFEWORDS Never let a Dominant forbid you from keeping or using a safeword as a way of stopping anything that may prove beyond your limits within your dynamic. While some D/s couples choose to put them aside and respect a basic, “no”, or “stop” from their partners, the safeword is meant to be one of the few universally understood last vestiges of power a submissive holds within any power dynamic. Any dominant who limits or forbids you to keep one, and use one, is to be avoided. If you are being pushed past your limits without a way to make it stop, you are being abused. Be A Smart and Safe Submissive ~JD@OneLittleKingdom  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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Meeting for the first time in a public place is a great idea. Safety works both ways. I usually send myself a note just in case.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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This is good. I have been amazed at the number of submissives who, sometimes traveling great distances to see me, had no safety plan in place when meeting me IRL for the first time. No safe call. Nobody checking on them. If I were a different kind of bad man, those meetings might not have ended as well as they did. Incredibly unsafe. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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It's a scary world out there! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Great advice for all who love to play! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Don't forget about 'Safe Calls'. You need to have someone call you periodically the first time you 'Go Live' with a new Dominant. Calling you when you're having coffee is one thing, calling you when you're at someone's disposal is quite another. So true. The first call is from you to them with your EXACT location in case they need to call police. You also need a nebulous statement to say which actually means "Call the police, I'm in real danger!!" Something along the lines of "Did you remember to walk my dog?" The person who has you in harm's way has no clue you've just sounded the alarm on them. Especially, referring to the phone call. Great idea to ask if the dog needed to be walked. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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As always another excellent blog!!!! Thanks "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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is it poor form to ask for proof of health ? "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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for safety I recommend a S&W 5.7x28. If you have a master that loves you. Then he would die to protect you. That negates everything. There's a lot of people here that talk about life, but there's only a few that live it. There's only so much time to experience life. That opportunity is brief and once it's gone it's gone forever. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Meeting for the first time in a public place is a great idea. Safety works both ways. I usually send myself a note just in case. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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11/10/2023 10:03 am |
This is good. I have been amazed at the number of submissives who, sometimes traveling great distances to see me, had no safety plan in place when meeting me IRL for the first time. No safe call. Nobody checking on them. If I were a different kind of bad man, those meetings might not have ended as well as they did. Incredibly unsafe.
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It's a scary world out there!
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Great advice for all who love to play!
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Don't forget about 'Safe Calls'. You need to have someone call you periodically the first time you 'Go Live' with a new Dominant. Calling you when you're having coffee is one thing, calling you when you're at someone's disposal is quite another. So true. The first call is from you to them with your EXACT location in case they need to call police. You also need a nebulous statement to say which actually means "Call the police, I'm in real danger!!" Something along the lines of "Did you remember to walk my dog?" The person who has you in harm's way has no clue you've just sounded the alarm on them. Make Women Female Again
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As always another excellent blog!!!! Thanks
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is it poor form to ask for proof of health ?
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11/9/2023 8:10 pm |
for safety I recommend a S&W 5.7x28. If you have a master that loves you. Then he would die to protect you. That negates everything. There's a lot of people here that talk about life, but there's only a few that live it. There's only so much time to experience life. That opportunity is brief and once it's gone it's gone forever.
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This is a great piece for submissives and Dom/mes alike. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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