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Hope. Hope is an incredibly small thing when you are in a very broken place in your life. I don’t think it is something that looks bubbly and enormously bright and fills up the room – not when you are in total darkness. At the beginning of this journey through grief, for me, there was not even any room for hope. I was in total despair almost entirely for the first six months. But there were, in those early months, small glimpses. It did not come rumbling in with bold splendor but instead appeared in small, subtle ways. Like the first time, I was able to take my camera out and photograph the sunset and ENJOY it, about a month after he died. Or the first moments that real, honest, laughter happened. Or in the sharing of painful stories with another wounded soul and helping each other feel less alone. Or going to art galleries and filling up my soul with inspiring and beautiful artwork that somehow made my incredibly broken soul sing for a few moments. Hope isn’t always easy to see or find amidst the debris of a broken world. It can be easily overlooked when you are so tightly focused on the pain and on keeping things together. I have learned in my grieving that to find it, I must try to always keep a part of myself reserved – assigned to the job of looking only for hope wherever it can be found. The rest of me can wallow and cry and scream – all 98%… but that other 2% of me must always be looking for hope. No matter how small, no matter where. Find it. Hope is the most powerful thing you can have in your hands when you are going through a deep loss. When you have fallen into the depths of grief and there feels like no way out will ever come… even the smallest proof of light can entirely reframe your world. Even if you cannot see the sun – even if you don’t want to open your eyes and try – to have some small piece of evidence that it indeed still exists somewhere creates a visual in your heart of a place you want to be. And that visual, if you hold it with you as often as possible, eventually, will get you to the sun. Sarah Treanor  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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beautifully written "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Hope one of the theological virtues The Scholastics say that it is a movement of the appetite towards a future good, which though hard to attain is possible of attainment. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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There is always a light in the depth of your darkness, let it shine.  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Very sorry for your loss, yet inspired that you are seeing glimmers of hope. While it’s just a small percentage today, over time that percentage with grow. The sadness will never completely go away but perhaps the balance will one day shift so that the sadness only occupies the 2%. Perhaps even that 2% can be filled with the happy memories you have of him. You will still have a tinge of sadness even though those memories will bring sadness, you will however see sadness itself in a different light and realize the time you had was in itself a blessing. May your journey back to happiness bring you joy and laughter in new adventures. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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like the first glimpse of light, first not sure what it is, almost like being bumped into in an empty space...starts as wonder? wtf... then another beam chases away a bit of the darkness, enough one is almost beginning to realize maybe I can... "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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11/20/2023 10:29 am |
Don Quixote, as he stands vigil over his armor, contemplating Dulcinea's interrogative of what he means by "following the quest"...
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beautifully written
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11/20/2023 4:56 am |
Hope one of the theological virtues The Scholastics say that it is a movement of the appetite towards a future good, which though hard to attain is possible of attainment.
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There is always a light in the depth of your darkness, let it shine.
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1 post 11/20/2023 4:36 am |
Very sorry for your loss, yet inspired that you are seeing glimmers of hope. While it’s just a small percentage today, over time that percentage with grow. The sadness will never completely go away but perhaps the balance will one day shift so that the sadness only occupies the 2%. Perhaps even that 2% can be filled with the happy memories you have of him. You will still have a tinge of sadness even though those memories will bring sadness, you will however see sadness itself in a different light and realize the time you had was in itself a blessing. May your journey back to happiness bring you joy and laughter in new adventures.
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like the first glimpse of light, first not sure what it is, almost like being bumped into in an empty space...starts as wonder? wtf... then another beam chases away a bit of the darkness, enough one is almost beginning to realize maybe I can...
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I want to express that this particular piece had a profound impact on me. Initially, I was unsure whether to keep it to myself or share it with others. However, I eventually decided to share it, hoping that it might benefit someone else. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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