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BDSM 101: Some Common Misconceptions about D/s Relationships that are made by D/s Practitioners  People who pursue power dynamics for dysfunctional reasons have evolved many toxic ideas surrounding the BDSM lifestyle, which are often repeated and imitated by new and less experienced kinksters. Here are many such misconceptions: 1. D/s dynamics are created by dominants, to serve dominants. Subs just do as they’re told. The healthiest D/s dynamics are created in collaboration between partners. While the dominant will ultimately lead the relationship, one partner’s needs within that relationship will not be more important than the other partner’s needs. D/s dynamics should serve the needs of all parties involved. 2. The dominant role is more important than the submissive role. Both roles within a D/s relationship are dependent on one another, and therefore equally as important. Try being a dominant without a submissive around, and see how it goes. 3. A safeword (or adaptation of the concept) is optional for the submissive within a D/s relationship. Safewords are the proven guardians of consent. Consent is never optional, and therefore safewords are never optional. 4. A submissive should live in fear of being punished by their dominant. Punishments should fall within a submissive’s limits, and be delivered without anger. If you are afraid of punishments, it’s a red flag for abuse within your dynamic. 5. A D/s dynamic is an adventure every day. A sub should never know what’s coming. Dynamics should be created by partners together, so subs should know what the expectations of their own relationship are. Successful D/s relationships are known for their transparency, which is one thing that makes them attractive to submissive trauma survivors. 6. While large age gaps between partners are taboo in vanilla society, there is nothing wrong with pursuing big age gap relationships in D/s dynamics. The same dynamics that make age gap relationships dangerous in the vanilla world, exist with the BDSM lifestyle. The wisdom of age, more often than not, is weaponized to manipulate and abuse younger and less experienced kinksters. Older men who specifically target and pursue teens and young women, while discounting all “more mature” adults, are predators. 7. If you’re a dominant man, it’s ok to take as many D/s submissive partners as you want, while demanding all of your submissive poly/poly curious partner(s) practice monogamy. This is something serial cheaters who need toxic levels of control within their relationships to convince their partners. To love someone who is/may be polyamorous is to want them to pursue other relationships when they find them. Don’t date poly people if you can’t allow them to do that, or if allowing them to pursue others proves damaging to you. ~a-dominants-thoughts "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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All good points - mind if I copy them?  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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There are ingredients in a healthy power exchange the same as any recipe. But Just knowing you don't have all the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn - A recipe, or a power exchange needs the soul of humility to make it real and fulfilling. There are at least four of us here that could write a chapter on each bullet point. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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I always like to know what a woman is excited by. It gives me something to shoot for. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Well stated. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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So funny! All those points mentioned, have been said to me, or told to me, as it was the truth and the only truth! On your knees, bitch! kind of talk! Take everything this morron thinks he can do, say etc. to you! Whahaha, such a sorry lot,..... They themselfs should at least take on 4 or 5 years of therapy... And, maybe, just maybe, they become nice, emotional stable people.... Just maybe.....? They are the ones who are as disfunctional as can be, a danger to any submissive, anywhere. We are first, just two people, who think, they maybe have some in common, on the whole bdsm scale, but before you get to that place, you have to deal with an other human being, first and allways..... Great writing, again, aliljaded  "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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Some interesting points! "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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All good points - mind if I copy them?
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There are ingredients in a healthy power exchange the same as any recipe. But Just knowing you don't have all the answers is a recipe for humility, openness, acceptance, forgiveness, and an eagerness to learn - A recipe, or a power exchange needs the soul of humility to make it real and fulfilling. There are at least four of us here that could write a chapter on each bullet point.
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All these points describe the BDSM scene here where I live and why it would be extremely difficult for me to fit in anyhow.
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I always like to know what a woman is excited by. It gives me something to shoot for.
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Well stated. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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I have had a conversation, with a Pro Domme, and she told me, she did not give a ** what the needs or wants, were of this submissive m, she did what ever she liked to do, to that submissive m. He? had nothing to tell or say, about it.. She is a PRo domme in holland...
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So funny! All those points mentioned, have been said to me, or told to me, as it was the truth and the only truth! On your knees, bitch! kind of talk! Take everything this morron thinks he can do, say etc. to you! Whahaha, such a sorry lot,..... They themselfs should at least take on 4 or 5 years of therapy... And, maybe, just maybe, they become nice, emotional stable people.... Just maybe.....? They are the ones who are as disfunctional as can be, a danger to any submissive, anywhere. We are first, just two people, who think, they maybe have some in common, on the whole bdsm scale, but before you get to that place, you have to deal with an other human being, first and allways..... Great writing, again, aliljaded
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Well done
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Some interesting points!
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A Dominant should treat his submissive girl with respect. Mind that you do not confuse respect with deference. When I say treat the submissive girl with respect, I am not saying treat her as if she were in charge. Respect the girl as what she is, a submissive. In other words, I do not hold the submissiveness of the girl in contempt. She is not lesser or weaker or bad for being a submissive. She is a human being and every bit the equal of the Dominant. Her submissiveness does not make her trash. Her submissiveness makes her a treasure. Remember the golden rule, Dominants. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. As you want to be treated, so treat others. The Dominant wants his submissive girl to respect him and his authority. The Dominant, therefore, should respect his girl and her submissiveness.
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Very common indeed. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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