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The Power Of No  It is just two letters long and yet one of the most powerful words in the world and both empowering as well as inspiring. The little word I am talking about is the word, no. I will admit there are times I struggle to say this tiny little word. My fearful leader at work (aka the boss) knows that where there is something to be done to push the assignment to my desk and friends/family know when there is a challenging task ahead to give me a call and I will lend a hand. I take pride in being that ‘go-to’ person, being counted on but even though it has been a hard lesson to learn, I have also learned the value of saying no and sticking to it. My growth and comfort in saying no has also shown me that saying nay is not only powerful in our daily vanilla life but is just if not more important in the lifestyle. As a dominant, naturally, I want to have a happy submissive partner, and just like every relationship, a good and creative partner will know the ways to ask for things to get what they want. It is very much human nature to do that and to want to give approval but saying no is simply needed at times. One of the most memorable moments in a D/S relationship can be the first time the d-type tells their partner no. I believe that when a dominant is saying no, they also need to explain why they are expressing disapproval and it is never acceptable to sound like a disgruntled parent with the “because I said so” reason. I also feel that not only is it important to share the why behind the negative decision but to always listen and hear your submissive partner if they disagree with your decision. Just because the dominant is the leader in the relationship, it does not mean error-free, and sometimes the no might not be the best choice. So value your partner when they disagree and be open when you discuss the why behind the no. Many submissives often struggle with saying no because they love to please. There are submissives that this does not apply to as they do not have a problem drawing the line in the sand in the career world or with family/friends but more often than not a submissive’s desire to please causes them to overextend and have their plate full of commitments big and small. This overextending can lead to higher than needed stress levels plus they struggle with making time for themselves. It is one of the most valuable things a dominant can assist their submissive with is finding that balance allows them to still be the valued go-to person at work and the MVP for family and friends while also letting them have the “me time” they need to keep their batteries fully charged. A Dominant does not need to micromanage or schedule their s-type’s life but works with them to let them know it is okay to decline an event or to set aside time for themselves. By working to help balance time crunches, a dominant can help guide their partner to find a better balance on the beam that is life. One of the most important nos that a submissive should always remember is that being submissive never means the right or ability to say no is taken away from them by anyone for, any reason. A submissive always must give their consent. If a person, place, or thing makes them uncomfortable they can and should say no. Just because someone is submissive it is NEVER acceptable to bully, force, or take advantage of them. All dominants must respect and adhere to the word no when a submissive says it. Being told no is never something anyone wants to hear, it is often one of the most important words we can learn to say effectively. No matter what your role in life or kink not being apprehensive in expressing no can help achieve a better life balance. Additionally, submissives never lose the right to say no nor does being submissive lessen the meaning of no. As the saying goes, no means no and this must be accepted and respected, a power exchange dynamic, never take away this right, so mind your Ps and Qs by respecting the nos of others. *Archive "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.” |
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And as they say better to learn to say no later, than never... I have learned it very late I think, and with learning it have said a few never expected good buys, but still it was one of the best things I could have learned so far.
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very true
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Great reading......
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This is an awesome piece. "Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”
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