Blog : A land of insuferables !

Blogs > virtualcuzi > A Dirigible lost on the wind!

1671 posts
2/13/2024 1:26 pm

A land of insuferables !

I was becoming more profuse with the language and that became a problem.
Shutting it off I mean.
Like my mind singing in my ear.
I'd dabbled with my mind as a , playing a game where I'd imagine objects and putting them out of my mind then it got faster and soon I'd have a projection like an early type of film and then cartoons playing in my mind.
But waking up in the morning was terrible, I was damaged and so I stopped doing it.
I'd applied for a job and the girl asked me about what interested me.
"Oddballs, watches and ..." I couldn't remember the third.
I should tell her about the darkness, about how my mind worked and that after having Schizophrenia I had trouble remembering things.
It was like odd stuff would appear from the nearby darkness and I would see it and then it returned to the darkness and was deleted from my memory.
It was like the mind game I'd started a long time ago.
In some way I'd got a look inside the savants mind.
The way thing could be distorted, the way the mind found pleasure.
My idea was that the high functioning savant had manipulated pleasure, even love to suit themselves.
The Rainman talked about the heart. He touched his chest over his heart and we felt that emotions were his key.
Love and emotion had distorted to embrace other things.
It is what compelled him to lose himself in knowledge.
I would get a smile, mute a I was ,I was also high functioning in a way but saw no point in communicating with the brain dead compatriots that shared the other beds.
I felt like a trapped Hemingway, alive and full of zest but unable to perform the role anymore.
Just a vision of my old age though.
Ageing is about fight or flight, that's what the latest idea is, that if you avoided that then you'd have a free ride through time as a more spiritual being not concerned so much with the trifles that beset the average human.
I had the ability to wake up with a clear head and always a little taken aback that I'd woken up without a personality.
I kind of got the gist of what personality is so I'd chose one just for that day.
That explains why when I've read something I'd written before it was like someone else had done it.
I had no connection with it.
But maybe like a wheel I'd stumbled onto the personality that wrote that again and then I would get it !
It was awkward !
50 first dates .
Oh I remember my point now, and that is that love could mutate into a lifelong string of enjoyment that you could tap into and didn't involve anything to do with its intended purpose.
It was messing with the book of creation.
Not something you'd be taught to do in school at a young age.
I remember it was dreadful dealing with the concept of time and I wondered how I'd escape it.
I guess I had a sixth sense of how mental illness would claim me.
It was what I needed to escape !
I got lost in it and it was like sharing the warmth of a flame trying not to get burnt.
Dopamine was my addiction and sexy obsessions were more than a thought away.
Music was my high too and I'd relax in a favorite spot baking naked in the Sun whilst a rapture from my music filled my heart.
So Schizophrenia was my loyal buzz buddy.
Now I'd go to those same places and listen to the same music and long for my sic companion that I'd lost.
You could imagine that lost one as legitimate and warrant being put on a cereal box as missing!!!! Seriously !!

(Love mutated into a life long companion, not the short lived throw away thing !)

Imagine my surprise when I found out that my opinion actually mattered!

virtualcuzi 52T

1280 posts
2/13/2024 1:29 pm

The connection between the Rainman and the quantum computer is obvious. A genius but lacking that's in some ways. If the machine could be built that could satisfy the souls requirements then might the soul not just slip in there?