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Remembering Dangerfield  Blog in the comment below |
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I was thinking today of all the great comedians who are no longer with us. The great ones to mention a few like Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Sam Kinison, Richard Pryor ,Redd Foxx, Don Rickles, RobinWilliams, and my absolute favorite Rodney Dangerfield. I want to focus in on Rodney for this post. I love to laugh and Dangerfield with his custom routine would have me laughing non stop. Now you can go to youtube and see him in taped performances but I find it hard to remember his lines. I can easily bring up the memory of him pacing the stage, constantly adjusting his tie, expressing to us how “he doesn't get any respect”, emphasizing this with his big bug eyes. So, for those who enjoy his comedy as much as me I thought I'd present to you some of his best lines, written down by category. IMHO. I hope you are also able to bring his image up in your minds eye while reading the script and perhaps add a little laughter to your holiday season. Childhood "I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window, I hurt somebody's fingers." "I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot." "When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, 'I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.'" "When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me." "I'm so ugly - my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet." Doctors "My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood - he ran a tab!" "I went to see my doctor. 'Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?' He said, 'I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.'" "Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me from now on I have to pay in advance." Sex "I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to." "My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh." "A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home." "My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg." "I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going." "I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude; I didn't see the mouse trap." "I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, 'No, one drag is enough.'" "I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me." Self "One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control." "I was such an ugly kid… when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up." "I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician, I would be honest." "I had a good time last week. I did a show; the whole audience was midgets. I got a standing ovation - I didn't even know it!" His Wife "My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion." "One day as I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'" "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her." "With my wife, I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me." "I asked him, 'Who said you could fool around with my wife?' He said, 'Everybody.'" "I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed. Yeah, I leave." "I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender." "My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for Alka-Seltzer." "…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. 'Surprise me,' I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife." "My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat." "I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat." "My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend." "My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." "Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves."
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Gawd .... You had me laughing all the way through that - What great lines. I was able to visualize him saying each and every one of them and then adjusting his tie afterwards. He was GREAT and probably my all time favorite. I watch Caddyshack periodically just to see him. Thanks for the laughs!!! Make Women Female Again
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Yes Rodney was terrific and I always picture him along with others like Dom DeLuise and Johnathan Winters...lost generation of great comics!!! 🤡
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great lines! He was one of the best
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4/21/2022 1:32 pm |
Love the dog.
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I got to see one of his live shows in New Haven back in the 1980's. Honestly, I never laughed so hard in my life. He was incredible. I really miss him. 
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I got to see one of his live shows in New Haven back in the 1980's. Honestly, I never laughed so hard in my life. He was incredible. I really miss him.
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