Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > girl2019 > My Blog |
|
Reality sets in I want to thank the people (on this site and others) who have shown me how naive I have been. I see now that it is a site for fantasies not reality. That people aren't literally wanting to find someone and share a lifetime exploring together. They just want a fix to a kink need that surfaces within them from time to time. It makes sense and I'm glad there is a place and people to share that need with for all of you. I also see there are exceptions that have made it happen, people who would succeed in any aspiration they set out to achieve. You would think that it would not have taken me 10+ years and many experiences to have this realization, but all I can say is, I'm a hopeless romantic with a deep dirty amount of kink within me, so I believed. I deep down believed that there was a Ying for my Yang and noone was actually meant to be alone. Crazy naive and almost childlike beliefs at best. That these needs and wants were healthy and worth experiencing once the right person came along. I don't think people normally try to maliciously hurt anyone. The internet and the kinks themselves detach people and they dont see the harm they cause to another human beings psyche or confidence. The idea of session play and the slow moving manipulations also make people feel less accountable to each other. Plus with the kinks on here the unattractive become attractive, so people aren't looking at themselves as they truly are. The obvious flaws that will inevitably make them rejected in the end linger there always. The parts of themselves that aren't wanted remain there, they believe they found somewhere they are accepted, but it is a game after all. It isn't real. The things you don't accept about yourself don't go away because someone else tells you they are okay. They stay in your mind and are what you go to as the blame when something goes wrong for you. Until you come to terms yourself or change them no amount of kink embracing them will make that scare heal. Some, I think do participate to humiliate and enjoy the fall of others once they tire of toying with them. Enjoying that they have fooled someone into believing that those things really don't matter. But most don't see the harm and just use it as release, believing that everyone knows it is all meaningless and a game. I thought if I was always upfront and honest I could somehow avoid being hurt. Silly, but I have always believed people are good at heart and consciously hurting others wouldn't be fun for them. Maybe too a belief in karma to a degree, I don't know. The idea that saying, if you are fake or a game player pass me by will actually have you be spared is ludicrous. If someone wants to hurt you they can and they will, sometimes multiple times until you get a clue. Ofcourse then there is the silly idea of being smart enough to not get hurt too. People are Master manipulators and so many offer themselves up to be vulnerable to these mind games. It isn't what someone says that should show you their true self, it is what they do. People who are important to another person have value. If they aren't, they don't. How do we show value? Sharing ourselves and our time with people we care about. If someone doesn't have time to drop a text to show they have been in your thoughts, they probably don't rank you as something of value. If they don't consider your feelings or lost time as important, again, no words can fix that, you are not important. Making excuses for others can be a big part of being a submissive but we all need to value ourselves enough to not let it ruin us in the end. There has to be a better way to weed out the users and abusers. I'm not sure sites like this are equipped for it. Submissives have to step up and know their worth I suppose but it isn't easy especially as they fall Prey to repeated users and abusers who are smart enough to conceive their intentions at the start. So, it is hard, most don't want reality and those that do just want a short term individual to manipulate not to help grow. But at least my eyes have been opened and my trusting nature hardened some so I might avoid falling Prey to these types in the future. But, who am I kidding, I have always loved my trusting nature and need to please. I adore making others happy and making someone else's day brighter no matter the cost. I think it will definitely take more time to withhold these parts of myself from others. |
|||
|
Very eloquently said
| ||
|
I still believe that most are not out there to hurt others intentionally (and I'm not talking about consensual SM here but simply the fact of abusing someone's trust or naivety) . But most are far from even aware what they are really doing and why they are doing something and simply just act out of urges. As to weeding out the users and abusers, that it actually not so hard, but it can amount to quite some work. If you start talking with someone the playfield is quite open of course and I wouldn't take an initial denigrating opening remark really seriously but if you start to try to talk real and honest and only either get blank stares with consistent attempts to turn the talk back towards kink or simple expensive sounding platitudes that could have been taken out of any psychological text book, you are pretty sure to talk with a player or predator. Good luck on your further search for the right one and don't shy away to shorten the talks with people who do not sound genuine by finding a nice excuse to leave and never accept their attempts to contact you again afterwards.
| ||
|
Thanks for the post girl... As I have just been ghosted for the umpteenth time... At least no personal contact info was shared... But yeah... trying to find a needle in a haystack can even be a understatement on Alt... It does harden you and brings out cynical nature so you can protect yourself... I wish you the best of luck... And keep yourself safe... ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~
| ||
|
I love your writing. SO true. i too have that naief childlike believe in the good in people, but not on here! anymore. Most of the time, when someone writes to me, i start with being bored... Soo... what will this person have to tell mé? Or is it all about HIM? boring! i dont even react anymore. It does not matter if they hurt you on purpose or out of boredom. iit is just not human, sane, adult behaviour. There are a lot of twisted, sick, psychopatic folks on here, and other like minded sites. it comes with the territory, or so it seem..... There are also some real good guys, maybe they are not what you are looking for, but you can have some decent adult conversation with them. Thank you, for this great post!
| ||
|
Very thoughtful and well stated post. I have been burned too. But I still leave myself open to the possibilities of a good relationship blossoming. I don't expect one could come form this site. But I am not closed off from the idea. There are good folks around who are not just users, abusers or locked in a fantasy role play mode. Best to you for the future. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
| ||
|
I encourage you to have a peek at my profile and perhaps come have a chat. Same name on skype, sweetie.
| ||
1/30/2022 11:54 am |
Seeking matters of the heart online, is its own ineptness . . Your value is not lessened because of others inability to see it.
| ||
|
Well stated and expressed, my friend. And put in terms *we* all can relate to. Our problem is that we set our goals so high and then lower them too much when the frustrations, lies, games, and BS overwhelm us. We let the fools, players, and "ghosts" control and overwhelm us simply because we believe ALL should be treated with respect AND compassion. The alternative is obvious -- but don't go there! The result is that you become a bitter, cold, self-centered bitch like a few here have become. Instead, stay the course. Yes, your ship has been rocked --and will probably be rocked more with time. But your strength is hanging in there, taking these "lessons" and applying them to life. There are NO guarantees -except one: be good to yourself and good things will follow. Yes, be more guarded, Trust a bit slower. Allow things to evolve rather than rush. Kink can always be cared for. This is about more than kink. This is about your heart and soul. Protect them and you protect yourself. Give them to A/another only after they have earned that gift. Stay strong, girl. Reach out if you ever need a shoulder! Val xo
| ||
1/30/2022 12:34 pm |
This site is just a microcosm of life. If you aren’t careful or on guard, the world can jump up and bite you. Sometimes it takes a piece out of you. That happens enough times and it changes how you look at this site/the world. This place is so full of scammers that’s it’s just ridiculous some days. One starts to wonder if it’s worth the trouble. The amount of time spent weeding through BS adds up and before you realize just how much, it feels like you are playing the role of captcha versus just enjoying your search. All that said, it can work. I’ve been on and off here for 20+ years. About 13 years ago I moved across country and found a sub, We bonded like I had with no other. To the point we ended up getting married a few years later. Started a family. I was living the dream and couldn’t have been happier with how my life was working out. Then, things changed. For a number of reasons I won’t discuss here, it all crashed and burned. And I was left wondering what happened. Where did it all go wrong? My soul was damaged and is still healing. I do not come back here with my tail between my legs. I come back because I know that if I found it once, I can find it again. As difficult as the whole process of starting over can be, I refuse to tell myself that “maybe I can’t find what I’m looking for”. Life is what we make of it and as trying as some days are, I move forward in hopes that the joy and excitement that I once experienced can and will happen again. We are not given X amount of attempts. They are limitless and knowing what is possible, makes me want to try even harder. I know that for a sub it can be so much more difficult than it is for a Dom. The amount of “you” that is invested in the potential increases tenfold. your hearts and minds are given to someone as a sign of trust and then a so called Dom walks all over it. When it happens again and again, it can break you. I’ve seen it happen and it is the most infuriating and saddening thing to witness. A sub will let their gift be consumed. While others around them see the bad situation develop, the sub can’t see it for themselves as they are so in the moment and naturally giving that their desire to please ends up blinding them from what is happening. All they are left with is emotional pain questioning why they keep doing this to themselves. It. Is. Not. you. It’s the ugliness of the world that starts to suck the life out of you. Don’t lose your focus. Never forget that the gift you give is priceless to the RIGHT Dom. you may have to wade through neck deep shit for what seems like an eternity to find your Dom, but it is worth it. Not only from your perspective, but also from the perspective of a Dom that is worthy of your gift. I think any good Dom these days knows the struggle and how deep you have to dig to find your all. As Doms we know that we have to dig down deeper as well to support you when we find you because of all the damage the world has done. And it breaks our hearts as well. Don’t let the world and the ugliness within it determine your fate. There is a Dom out there that needs you. And is likely searching for you just as hard as you search for Him.
| ||
1 post 1/30/2022 1:07 pm |
Your post saddens me. I am embarrassed for all of the Dom Wannabees that are out there that you must have confronted. My only advice is to use your head before using your heart. Good luck...
| ||
1/30/2022 5:13 pm |
well I'm still optimistic and hopeful. Sometimes you discover shit, but if you look for it in people you'll probably find it. I give people the benefit of the doubt first. To the pretenders, users and players. I say fuck'em. they aren't going to stop me from finding and having what I want. When you tell yourself you cant do something, then it's over. I'm looking for long term and that's all I will settle for. The only way I know to weed out people is by talking to them and getting to know them. If their head isn't on strait it won't take long for them to be discovered, They are acting and they won't be able to stay in character long. Someone true is consistent. I have a long memory and If I'm lied to it will be discovered. It may take awhile, but I fill find out the truth. The thing is, theres not any reason to lie. I'm not here to judge people. Just be yourself and who you are. No one can see what's around corners, so don't quit before you get there. Everything you want might be within reach, but if you give up and quit. You'll never know. I can understand being beaten, but I cant accept someone quitting and giving up. Don't be that person.
| ||
|
I actually just shared this with a woman who removed herself from this and one other site because of how she was treated. I wanted her to know she was not alone. Uly
|
 |
 |
 |
| Become a member to comment on this blog | ||
 |
×
×