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My Dom says I’m not submissive enough... What does this mean? I have the cravings 24/7 and I want to please him but I need to feel cherished first. I need to feel he cares about me; not coldness, not sadism, not aloofness. Otherwise I don’t exist. |
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What this means is that you have the wring dom. I identify as a "daddy dom" as opposed to being a sadist or just a dominant... for me, being a "daddy" shows care and compassion to go along with the general pervery!
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1/30/2020 1:53 pm |
Don't feel bad, I've been told that I'm not Dom enough because I love to kiss and cuddle after play.
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Please forgive me.....but. Fuck him.....you DO NOT have the right Dom for you. Find a Dom that will love and care for you and all attributes of you. Smiles L
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1/30/2020 2:01 pm |
He isn't right for you
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It is you "submission" to give. He earns it.A dom does not demand submission. It takes time to give your submission. If he is expecting instant adjerance to any demand, he first off does not understnad what :submission" is and means. A submissive, submits within a set of parameters, usually spelled out and negotiated. Ofrmal or otherwise. If he is expecting some blind aherance to his dictates, then he is expecting a maser/slave situation where the one party agrees to do anything they are told to do. Just be you and do what you are comfortable with. As others have said, you may have the wrong dominat. If so, look for someone more compatible with your needs. All submissive, submit to a degree or another. There is no universal requirement that your acquiesce to any so called dominat demands. If it is not mutually agree, it is not a dom/sub relationship. It is a Domineering one. Don't fall for that "you are not submissive enough " which is just BS. A submissive should do the questioning of potential partners, let them tell you what they are about. Look for consistency over time. Do not tell them your stuff, or the players will parrot back to you what you want to hear. Be well and be safe. Learn all you can about all aspects of the kink life and BDSM in particular. It will serve your needs well. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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1/30/2020 2:23 pm |
Without crucifying him, this is someone who I care about deeply. This was a relationship in the making... this was our first meeting after knowing him for quite a while. Every single Dom I’ve met has had issues with emotionally intimacy. Being a natural Dom is a way of life for him and he’s a sadist. I am not a maso. All of your comments do not help me love him any less. People are multifaceted and his unusual life circumstances took him on a unique path after we met. Nonetheless I am alone without this lifestyle to engage in with no Dominant to engage with.
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you are plenty sub enough for the right Dom. Dom's that say this are usually trying to goad you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing or break a limit... you don't have to do it, you are fine the way you are. find a better Dom.
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1/30/2020 2:30 pm |
I think what is missing here is a little thing called "communication." He should tell you what he wants (exactly) and you should tell him what you want (exactly). The fact he has not already done that is a little worrisome. Anyway, hopefully you both can find common ground and come up with a solution that pleases both of you. If not, do not try to force it. Part ways amicably. You are in a Dom/sub relationship and there are no hard and fast rules, except you both should enjoy it and it should be fulfilling. And stop with the melodrama. You are a sub, not an idiot, and you do exist regardless of whether this is the right Dom for you or not.
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1/30/2020 2:33 pm |
This is the answer "Please forgive me.....but. Fuck him.....you DO NOT have the right Dom for you. Find a Dom that will love and care for you and all attributes of you. Smiles L"
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it takes two to tango, take care of ur partner
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1/30/2020 2:41 pm |
He admits he is not a good communicator and he admits to his flaws. He also is out fighting terrorism so I think he has alot on his mind. Thanks for all of the supportive comments.
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1/30/2020 2:42 pm |
Melodrama??? Lol
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when I first read this My first thought was maybe he is not dominant enough but it could also be taken in the way of maybe you are can go deeper into your submissiveness. if that is what you are craving, there is more there then he sees so he could not be seeing it fully.
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He admits he is not a good communicator and he admits to his flaws. He also is out fighting terrorism so I think he has alot on his mind. Thanks for all of the supportive comments.
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Hi Hon, there are men like that. it's just that they don't know how to care for a women. they think only about themselves and there needs. then there are guy's who are very dominate who do take care of a women's needs too. in return you fill his needs and wants a lot more and better too. and some go half way. if your happy with him fine. if not that's up to you to find another one or not. I feel we give ourselfs to them as a gift. and be happy for that. and take care of that gift good luck hon.
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1/30/2020 3:05 pm |
I find that all naturally dominant men have a tough outer shell. I’ve also read that it all starts out kind of rough and a sub must earn his trust. All I’m saying during the initial stages of real time I need to feel cherished.
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Hell ive been told numerous times throught the years that" im not submissive enough".. Whatever... When god gives you lemons... It's time to get a new god. .er Dom..
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1/30/2020 4:04 pm |
I know all of this.. but things are not so simple as they seem
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1/30/2020 4:07 pm |
You're obviously attracted, but it seems like there's a mismatch, at least currently between your preferences. That's not to say you can't develop a relationship.
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My dear, stop making excuses... Rule #1 of life; the best way to get what you want, is to help someone else get what they want... your dom has failed to read his sub, and feed her what she needs and wants... if you got what you needed and wanted, you would be more inclined to give him what he needed and wanted... that said, you two are just not a good match... you said it yourself..."he’s a sadist. I am not a maso", in fact, you two are a bad match… start listening to the little voice in your head... it’s your higher-self talking… start listing your gut... it’s your body trying to get your attention… and stop listening to what you think is your heart, it's not your heart, it’s you fooling you… if you’re curious enough, and brave enough… we can find out why... All relationships are not meant to work out, in fact, the vast majority of relationship are not meant to work out, only very, very, few are, that's what makes them special... magic... you need to read the short story "The Gift of the Magi" by O'Henry... (it’s just a couple of pages)… your love of kinky sex aside, the quality described in the story is the quality your looking for in your man, find it... and your kinky sex goes through the roof... My turn to ask the questions... What are you afraid of... Why are you afraid to face realty... Why are you afraid to move on... even though you know that is exactly what you should be doing…
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1/30/2020 4:17 pm |
Any suggestions regarding how to feel connected to this lifestyle without necessarily connecting to a dominant on a daily basis for comfort?
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Girl there is a lot written already that is accurate and true, but there are some things written which are not. First up, there are a couple of things that are a MUST, and they are, RESPECT (for what the other wants to give), Honest and Open communication (to remove any ambiguity of the relationship), and Acceptance of limits (by both parties). If all of these are adhered to then there is no problem that can't be solved. The next thing is that you want to be cherished - initially. That is straight out CRAP. YOU should be cherished at ALL times, because it is YOU who gives this guy the gift of your submission. YOU are making excuses for him, and that tells me your judgement is clouded and flawed. In this life there are different types of dominants. There are the Rogues & Sharks who give absolutely NO credence to what the sub wants/needs or desires. They are only out for fresh meat to use and abuse at their whim, and when they get their fill, they drop the sub and move on to the next VICTIM (these same types in a vanilla context would fall into the categories of womaniser or wife basher) and we all know how those relationships turn out - yes FUCKED ! The next type is the pretender, who is normally a beginner or a switch that does not truly understand the mental aspects of this life, and so they stumble from one post to another trying to find themselves. Finally there is the true dominant, the one who knows his mind and wants, and who communicates these to the submissive. If those things align, then the sub will normally gift their submission to him, BUT honest and open Communication is a MUST all through the relationship. IF the Dom feels that the sub is needing something extra, or that a limit should be pushed beyond the accepted line, then all of this is discussed PRIOR to it being implemented. Mutual consent and acceptance. Oh yeah, I should also mention I am a bit of a sadistic type. So you may have know this guy for some time and feel you have a connection, BUT in my eyes you are kidding yourself and making excuses for him. I had 39 years in the military fighting all sorts of shit around the world, and yes we tend to put up the facade and harden the fuck up, BUT to live behind that facade in an ongoing fashion just makes me think he is hiding. I have been there and know this shit first hand, so please don't try and persuade me otherwise. Wake up to yourself and get rid of this guy and find someone who will cherish you ALWAYS. If he wakes up to himself then he may make changes and come looking for you later on, but don't hold your breath. I am a strict harsh and rough Dom, but I like to cuddle afterwards (NOT clingy though). For me, in order to get maximum satisfaction for both parties, I NEED to get inside the head of my partner, to learn about them, to work out what makes them tick, because this is what determines what type of play occurs, how far that play is pushed towards the limits, what new play may be incorporated, the reading of her moods and emotions. ALL this is so that I can ensure her gift of submission to me is not wasted. And that gift will ALWAYS be cherished, not just in the initial stages. If you fail to work out a solution to your dilemma, and stay where you are, then please remember, it is NOT HIS FAULT any longer, it is yours.
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1/30/2020 4:24 pm |
This is not about blame. It just is what it is.
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Then find a solution
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1/30/2020 4:26 pm |
Fault and blame are not the issues here
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