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Hard and soft limits This post is only viewable by Alternative Lifestyle Singles members. Join Alternative Lifestyle Singles now! |
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comments?
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I think that a lot of the confusion surrounding this issue is a result of one of the main problems with BDSM in general, ie, that there are no real hard and fast rules. I was dabbling with kink back in my Uni days... 1983/4 onwards... When I started getting into the scene proper, some 20 years ago, I was told that hard limits are the tings you simply will NOT do, soft limits are negotiable. But right now after many years experience, I realize that I have NO real hard limits, save something excessive like extreme torture, and that the right person can blur all your limes and get you to try lots of things that you previously regarded as a no no! By the way, I identify as a switchy/slutty Dom... Again the issue of no hard and fast rules is approppriate here...
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I think that a lot of the confusion surrounding this issue is a result of one of the main problems with BDSM in general, ie, that there are no real hard and fast rules. I was dabbling with kink back in my Uni days... 1983/4 onwards... When I started getting into the scene proper, some 20 years ago, I was told that hard limits are the tings you simply will NOT do, soft limits are negotiable. But right now after many years experience, I realize that I have NO real hard limits, save something excessive like extreme torture, and that the right person can blur all your limes and get you to try lots of things that you previously regarded as a no no! By the way, I identify as a switchy/slutty Dom... Again the issue of no hard and fast rules is approppriate here...
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Hi Twisted  My experience is mostly with dominant alpha male type boyfriends- occational relationships with BDSM type men- plus one woman DOMME- so I've been around the block .... Perspectives are different for someone like myself who just PLAYS and somebody who seeks a 24/7 situation. I always negotiate limits ahead of time with a potential DOM I consider serving and I'm not a novice. When I PLAY I don't object- resist- or use safe words. Safe words are important so that the DOM may choose to ignore any whiney behavior on my part- unless I'm safe signaling. Push my limits or whatever.... BTW I always communicate plenty before hooking up with anyone- and I'm not looking for new strangers to hook up with each week. Only people who don't actually hook up think I operate like that. I have friends and aquantances and always open to making new friends... 
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Hi Twisted My experience is mostly with dominant alpha male type boyfriends- occational relationships with BDSM type men- plus one woman DOMME- so I've been around the block .... Perspectives are different for someone like myself who just PLAYS and somebody who seeks a 24/7 situation. I always negotiate limits ahead of time with a potential DOM I consider serving and I'm not a novice. When I PLAY I don't object- resist- or use safe words. Safe words are important so that the DOM may choose to ignore any whiney behavior on my part- unless I'm safe signaling. Push my limits or whatever.... BTW I always communicate plenty before hooking up with anyone- and I'm not looking for new strangers to hook up with each week. Only people who don't actually hook up think I operate like that. I have friends and aquantances and always open to making new friends...
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Sometimes (or not so sometimes) "doms" try to talk about limits, not so much because they want to establish limits but because they want to talk "taboo".
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Sometimes (or not so sometimes) "doms" try to talk about limits, not so much because they want to establish limits but because they want to talk "taboo".
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Oh I agree
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I suppose I'm lucky. The Dominas I've interacted with are always good about the soft limits in fact just last night one commented she was going to put it on her list. I'm sure that means it's something she will definitely explore.
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When the soft limits from the dominant, and the submissive are alike, there are no limits, for them. They can explore all kind of new territorium, Also, i think, that when you are in a deep trusted relation, it is possible that "your" hard limits disappear because the trust is soo overall, on all levels, "ÿou" can truly let go..... That would be something i would like to find in a dominant Also a lot of socalled dominants want to "break"the sub, and tell you, you are not alllowed to have limits, not as a sub and not as a slave. (have been watching way too much of the wrong kind of porn) That are the most dangerous fucked- up, psychos, narcistic monsters. Hard limits can become soft limits, too. When you, as a submissive, have no cleu, you dont know your soft or hard limits, so that makes it very dangerous for them, in the wrong hands...
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When the soft limits from the dominant, and the submissive are alike, there are no limits, for them. They can explore all kind of new territorium, Also, i think, that when you are in a deep trusted relation, it is possible that "your" hard limits disappear because the trust is soo overall, on all levels, "ÿou" can truly let go..... That would be something i would like to find in a dominant Also a lot of socalled dominants want to "break"the sub, and tell you, you are not alllowed to have limits, not as a sub and not as a slave. (have been watching way too much of the wrong kind of porn) That are the most dangerous fucked- up, psychos, narcistic monsters. Hard limits can become soft limits, too. When you, as a submissive, have no cleu, you dont know your soft or hard limits, so that makes it very dangerous for them, in the wrong hands...
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