Blog : Aspiring Dom's

Blogs > PaganDawn > Diary of a Pagan Sub

24 posts
1/9/2021 2:44 pm

Aspiring Dom's

So, this is no more than information, a gathering of thoughts for all you Doms there who are just starting , or maybe becoming frustrated that you cannot find the sub you desire.
However, you came to this wonderful world of kink is unimportant. What you do in it is.
Firstly, this is not vanilla, but it is also not just about play, scenes, and submission.
We hear from many Dom’s who want to know how our lifestyle works, what happens when we play and how lucky our Sir is. Very few ask what goes into it. And I say this, because there is a shit load that goes into it. The outcome that so many see on here, the pictures, the writings, the fun we have are the product of having an incredible Dom. And by that I don’t just mean he has a good imagination, or good at discipline or a good sadist. He is good at everything else. If you just want the end product, the scene, the quick fix and walk away, that’s fine. But, if you truly want to be a good Dom, then its time to go to .

Like everything in life, you will need to learn, a lot, about a lot of shit. You may hear about the way to claim a good sub is to claim their mind. Well, it may be a cliché but it is true. Sexual arousal starts in the brain. The physical result you get is dependent on what they are thinking and feeling. Have you pressed all the right buttons, have you stimulated them enough, and more to the point, how do they feel about you. Yes a sub is there to serve your wants and needs. But they are not just a toy you can put back in the box. If you crave the kind of connection that has them messaging you in the with random sexy photos, rather than it just being another task, or thinking up weird and wonderful ways to arouse you and make you smile while you are at work, then you need to gain their undying affection for you. To do this, you need to really listen, observe and put a lot of thought into what they want and need and how you can deliver this, not just in the moment, but daily.

Build the connections.
Are they happy? No, why and what can you do to help. Are they stressed at work? Listen to them, give them an outlet to let the worries of the world out. attention, experiment, take your time to really observe them during play. What works well, what elicits the responses that you and they enjoy. What combinations of pleasure, pain, degradation, care gain the greatest results. It is possible to keep a sub on the edge of arousal for days on end. Little texts, tasks, how you talk to them, what you say, how you say it. Through words alone you can arouse, excite, tantalise, and put fear into your sub.

Think….
long and hard about what you really want out of the dynamic. I say this because what people think they want and what they actually want are usually two different things. First there is the fantasy, then the reality, and often the second deflates the first. This is because you don’t break down your desires into their core components. You say, “I’m a sadist, I like to give my sub pain.” Fine, but why? What’s your trigger? Is it just as simple as wanting to hurt? Rarely. Often there is a deep underlying need that you are not prepared to …Again vanilla raises its ugly head, and you push it aside. Be open and honest with yourself. Knowing why you desire, and truly accepting it as normal in this world of unique individuality, will help you understand your core desires. This gives you power over your needs and wants, confidence to explore them free from vanilla constraints. With this comes knowledge, and the urge to learn more. Understanding yourself will help you get to the bottom of exactly what you want from a sub, and this will help you set your rules, protocols, wants, and needs.

Be patient.
It wont all happen instantly. Take your time. Build the anticipation. Get to know your sub, attention to their likes, hobbies, interests, here are a myriad of clues to what type of person your sub is. Learning what makes them tick, will eventually help you get into their head. But more importantly, you have to want to care for them. Having their well being as one of your primal needs has to be genuine. They are a prized position. One of the most important things in your life, because in their hands is the ability to give you your every heart’s desire. You can’t give it to yourself, you need them. You need food, you could, eat any old crap, but you will eat what you desire, and for it, sometimes handsomely. Other times you pick it, painstakingly prepare it, cook it and serve it, before devouring it. In a similar way, you desire a sub, you want to enjoy it, time and time again. You want it to worship you, adore you, submit to your desires and thank you for everything you do to it. So, take care in your choice, way your options, prepare it with care and thought, keep it in its best environment, and then when it is time to devour it, the feast will be exquisite and a menu you can repeat over and over again.

Tribal_Seed 57M

101 posts
1/5/2022 8:32 pm

One thing I found out many years ago, listen to words of a submissive and don't be too blinkered to learn from them . Let's hope they go heeded

Happy New Year

Dominatrixsophie 32F