Blog : Sick in My Stomach

Blogs > ExNameForUse > Thoughts of an Introvert

4244 posts
8/12/2022 11:54 am

Sick in My Stomach

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5764 posts
8/12/2022 11:55 am

I guess there is my fault there as well. Not having boundaries, being always available, never saying no to anything… we teach people how to treat us with what we allow them to do and tolerate. I should have known better. Many times.

DancingDom 74M

22591 posts
8/12/2022 12:03 pm

Limits are good in all aspect of life.

"One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"

ExNameForUse replies on 8/12/2022 12:41 pm:
They are, DD. In every aspect, at any cost.

alwaysassertive 64M

8/12/2022 12:41 pm

If you have a problem saying no to something you feel is inappropriate or unpleasant I would be happy to be your no person. Just send that person to me and I'll use an appropriate level of no starting with, thank you, but no. I don't feel comfortable with that, all the way up to fuck you, you stupid bitch or bastard. Whichever might be the correct vernacular. Trust me, I'm good with conflict and have no problem dealing with people.

ExNameForUse replies on 8/12/2022 12:52 pm:
I must admit, AA, the way this situation makes me feel, I pretty much like your approach

rondiri 65M

11182 posts
8/12/2022 1:24 pm

Ex, I don't know what it is you feel you HAVE to do for this person, but if you are not completely comfortable with it. REFUSE. It sounds to me, she is no better than a predator luring you into something you wouldn't normally do by doing you a favor. The fact that a tiny favor became a big favor that unsettles you, and that she already asked for another tiny favor, is all I have to hear.
If you haven't already, talk to scribe about this. I hope you won't regret your choice. Sometimes your word, SHOULD be broken, especially when you are being manipulated. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk about it.

ExNameForUse replies on 8/12/2022 1:37 pm:
Thank you, Rondiri.
I have spoken with my Scribe, he is my first one to talk to about anything, including this uncomfortable situation. It is with his support and encouragement that I refused another request for another "tiny" favour.
Being a very loyal friend and grateful person, I will do what I promised, but it will be the last time. And this will surely have a huge impact on this "friendship".
But I am still sad that someone I know for decades could have treated me like this...

ExNameForUse replies on 8/12/2022 1:46 pm:
And, as both my Scribe and I got to realize, and so did you, Rondiri.. it so looks like she actually accepted to do me a favour bearing in mind the return favours... it seems that she had planned it from the beginning.
So be it, but she has lost a friend. If it is of any importance for her at all.

bdsmDOMdaddy 61M

4172 posts
8/12/2022 4:54 pm

you can’t help who you are if you feel bad means you have a guilty conscience but then again you shoulda said no to begin w & not gotten taken advantage of after you fulfilled your obligation back to her for helping you!
helping others is supposed to be charity w nothing expected in return those that expect expect to much outta life & are miserable!

ExNameForUse replies on 8/12/2022 11:59 pm:
I should have not asked for this particular help, I think that is something I should have not started with, and consequently, that would save me from this experience.
But then again, maybe it is good to know what lies behind what I considered to be a trustworthy friend.
And as you said, helping others should be done with no expectations, you do that because you want to, feel that is the way to go. This way as it happened, it turned into a trade.

Plzrmeister 67M

10461 posts
8/13/2022 5:24 am

she has lost a friend.

Given the effect this has had on you and your feelings, you might consider being very up front with your 'friend' and telling them how you feel about the entire situation. Be direct with them - people need to know the consequences of their actions on others.

At a minimum, you'll get this off your chest and can move on without looking back. Go for it!

Make Women Female Again

ExNameForUse replies on 8/14/2022 2:04 am:
She has lost a friend, a loyal friend, Plz.
I think she knows that already based on our communication in the last 2 days. And she is not a stupid girl.
When we meet next time, in a polite diplomatic way, she will be told.
Thank you for the support and kind words. Plz.

drmgirl622 68F

26117 posts
8/13/2022 8:01 am

You can't blame this on yourself in any way! There will always be people that given an inch will take a mile. I know I'm a giver but I've had people mistake that kindness for weakness. I've learned my lesson and never look back.

ExNameForUse replies on 8/14/2022 2:09 am:
Mistaking kindness for weakness, dear Girl, and taking advantage of my current weakness and something that was important to me.
She will never know how generous my gratitude for the favour she did to me, would actually be.
I think it is in the end her loss.
Thank you for the kind and supportive words, Girl.

jenny14 75T

90348 posts
8/13/2022 9:06 pm

Ex

I agree with drm! Some people will always take advantage and we must set a boundary....

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

Jenny

ExNameForUse replies on 8/14/2022 2:10 am:
Obviously, Jenny, even with the closest friends, someone I would never think I need to have any kind of boundaries

softrayne 56F

3088 posts
8/14/2022 1:31 pm

A true friend would help you and not expect anything in return.

ExNameForUse replies on 8/15/2022 9:20 am:
It is what my understanding of friendship is, Rayne... thank you


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