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Why Do I Attract Narcissists? This post is only viewable by Alternative Lifestyle Singles members. Join Alternative Lifestyle Singles now! |
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This is kind of an addendum to my last post… to understand better what they seek in you, and what you possess of those wonderful qualities that attract them… to understand better how can it happen at all to be attracted to them… as Grywolf2 asked the other day… how can it happen to get into that quicksand and be stuck into it… You can be attracted to narcissistic partners because of their charisma and confidence, they appear charming, loving, and kind, they know how to be highly attractive and by their nature, they are highly manipulative and persuasive creatures… they are extremely skilled in mirroring… they will mirror all of your qualities and present themselves as a perfect match offering all they noticed you need and look for in your prospective partner and life in general… the thing to keep in mind is that they want to give you a reason to tolerate manipulative and inappropriate behavior in the future. Me? I was a perfect prey. Dysfunctional abusive family and marriage background, caring, understanding, tolerant, forgiving, boundaries – what are boundaries… those who read my blog last 2 or 3 years know a few things about me already… some I think knew better than myself what was happening back then… they know who they are, I shall only say I am sorry I didn’t believe you, but I guess I had to learn it myself.
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I don't think I am a narcissist or a gaslighter. hope your not being gaslighted or have a manipulative self aggrandizing narcissist bothering you. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Ex don’t beat yourself up you know now & that’s all that matters you broke the cycle you are healing yourself & are gonna be a strong flying butterfly on the other side...some learn easy others the hard way (like me) few never at all! I’m a DOMinate so l am narcissistic in nature as all DOMinates are but hopefully not in any kinda monsterous or destructive harmful evil way?!
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We all have lessons to learn and I'm so sorry yours was so painful 
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Your description definitely shines a spotlight on this unfortunate dynamic and the compelling reasons why one might fall prey to a narcissist. If a victim has one or more of these 7 vulnerabilities it would be hard for them to even see the quicksand, let alone get out once in. Hopefully, you've turned on a flashing warning sign.
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Great, scaringly accurate writing. Especially, that part of mirroring.. that opened my eyes, even more.... They are great in sucking you into their little games.
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Do you think Sadists are narcissists? Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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I agree, predators seek out those who are not confident or timid. This happens on many levels.
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Is a relationship with a narcissist 100% sure to fail no matter what? A relationship with a narcissist is always doomed from the start. We can look at it from different perspectives, it is different when you are in such a relationship and it is different when you look at such a relationship from the side. Any relationship with a narcissist will end hopelessly, it's only a matter of time. It's not a question of "if" but a question of “when” and “how”. The clock is ticking and every narcissist's relationship is coming to an end. It's kind of a countdown to the explosion. Regardless of whether you think about your relationship when you are in such a relationship or you think about the next conquests of the narcissist, new sources of supply that are unaware, is doomed to fail, going through what you are going through. The narcissist conquers, breaks new boundaries, lowers your self-esteem, you become his/her puppet who plays as the narcissist wants.The narcissist, once he/she achieves his/her goal, stops trying, and then each of his/her victims tries more and the narcissist just takes and takes, uses more and more. For the narcissist, the relationship and partner is like an object, a device that can be used whenever the need arises. The narcissist is not in a relationship to build something permanent, the narcissist in every relationship builds only himself/herself and uses you or another victim, sows destruction and on this destruction builds only himself/herself. The narcissist implants an illusion in you, you live the illusion, hope and expectation. Every relationship with a narcissist has an expiration date and then expires. Victims of a narcissist believe that something could have been changed, to regain what was in the beginning. For the narcissist you are just a pushover, the narcissist pushes you more and more to the edge of your own limits and to the edge of the abyss. The narcissist not only knows that you will fall, but also hopes that you will fall as long as possible and the fall will be fatal. You thought you had found your other half, that your dreams had finally come true. Narcissist knows perfectly well that no one would ever love him/her as he/she really is, so he/she lies to people , and they usually do not suspect anything at all. The narcissist knows that you are excited that it will be so great and that you believed it. It was so real and only the narcissist knew what it was like, he/she played his/her part perfectly, he/she can play it many times and he/she does it better every time. You gave the narcissist the best of everything, if you knew who you were dealing with, you would never agree to do it, that's why the narcissist works the way he/she does, he/she operates on illusion, on a lie, because he/she knows that being who you want him/her to be, will give him/her everything for free. For the narcissist, all our ideals and values are weaknesses. Narcissist despises love for him/her only control, power, manipulation, money or status matters. Any relationship with a narcissist is doomed to fail, this is exaggerated from the moment you meet a narcissist. You need someone normal who will understand you, who will take care of you, who will have time for you, someone for whom you will not be just an object that can be used and thrown away.The expiration date changes all the time, it could be today, it could be in a year or ten years, it's a roulette wheel that keeps spinning. You never know if the narcissist will say it's over today or won't even say it and will just disappear and block you. A relationship with a narcissist is a trap that you get out of sooner or later and you can look at it from the side. Only when you look at it from the side you do realize that it was a trap. With a narcissist, nothing good will happen and the good moments are forgotten because they are obscured by many bad ones and the good ones lose their value. A relationship with a narcissist always ends, you don't need to know why it ended. It ends because it is doomed to fail, to fail from the start. It ends because it never began. It ends because you're dealing with a narcissist who played his magic trick and made it all believable. Narcissist will play the same trick many more times, better each time.
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5/18/2023 3:04 am |
I too was a victim of a Narc. and it surely takes a while to recover. I did just as much research as you did here. Read and read and read..... We are not alone by far. Excellent posts in a place called Quora.
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Mmmmmmm BDSM seems like a natural home for Narcissists 😏
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Do you think Sadists are narcissists?  Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Mmmmmmm BDSM seems like a natural home for Narcissists 😏 
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Mmmmmmm BDSM seems like a natural home for Narcissists 😏
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Yes most Narcissists are into some sort of BDSM. It is very common. They say they are Dom's but not all Dom's are Narc's. And there is a spectrum of Narcisicim. There are many sub-catagories under Narcissim. L
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