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Forgiveness This post is only viewable by Alternative Lifestyle Singles members. Join Alternative Lifestyle Singles now! |
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But, let's go back to forgiveness... This is what I found today about it, and it has made me smile since it is what I was thinking and doing and often writing about when I tried to answer the question about my endless understanding and being forgiving... unconsciously, not knowing much of a theory, this was my way when I was hurt. " Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you. But working on forgiveness can lessen that act's grip on you. It can help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Sometimes, forgiveness might even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy, and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you. It also doesn't necessarily mean making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that allows you to focus on yourself and helps you go on with life."
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To me forgiveness is simply letting go of resentment or vengeance. However, for those things to get attached to you, you have to allow those feelings into you. I believe that being deceived is mostly my mistake.
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Ex This is BRILLIANT! We alone can decide whether and how to forgive and we must not let the ills wear us down forever! A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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Learn from any injustices. Forgive, not needed. Move non, we can't live in he past, good or the bad times. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Especially in contact with that person, others call mother, i learned to forgive her. ALso, staying upset, or angry, or sad, is only keeping you stuck in that moment. for how ever long.... The person giving you the hard times, does not notice or learn anything, about you staying upset or angry. So, factually, you are keeping your self stuck in that bad moment, even when that was for years and years.... ago.... I hope this makes sense? I pitty with her, i recognise she had a real hard time too... (allthough we, the children were the victim, of her "hard times") It is as it is. She was not capable, to do the things she did, differently. Nor could she accept help. Had no self-understanding.
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Moving on is a form of forgiveness, is it not?
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I can usually forgive pretty easy but when I'm very hurt or feel betrayed I just plain ignore the offender. Right or wrong it's my way of dealing with it.
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I agree w all you say Ex grief is personal everybody copes w iT in their own way & time frame you forgive for you to move on not for their consciences enjoy your nite hope all is well big hug for you!
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I love reading these "working through emotions" posts and all the replies. always gets me thinking. so thank you for posting!
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many decades ago, I was hurt and betrayed by someone - forgiveness for me meant - yes you hurt me, I'll always be wary and never in a position with you to let it happen again and I won't let you control me through my anger. When I released my hurt and bitter anger after carrying it for years, I actually felt my heart soften - a physical manifestation of such an emotional thing. Kicking them out of their rent free place in my head was one of the best things I ever did !
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Forgiveness is a big part of letting go of resentments which Can Eat You Alive. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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Every situation and set of experiences is unique. Forgiveness is an abstract concept.
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To err is human and to forgive is divine....😌
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I have to agree with you, Ex, on this topic. I see it as a purely personal decision we choose (or don't choose) to make when considering whether to forgive someone for some wrongdoing or misdeed or grievous insult he/she may have committed against us, Each of us will experience (and react to) differently a perceived offense against us. Noone can decide FOR us to forgive or not, whether that forgiveness be verbally expressed to the malefactor, or one that , albeit heartfelt and genuine, we keep to ourselves and never make known to the offender. I think your instincts to be understanding and forgiving in order to rid yourself of an internally cloying or "crippling/hobbling" resentment and anger are well-intentioned and commendable, and, in some way, liberating, in this very jettisoning process. Whether we choose to forgive or not. I would further agree with you that our doing so does not necessarily mean we must forget or excuse the harm done to us, especially if the malefractor, himself, shows not one iota of contrition or remorse --of regret or compunction-- for having done to us what he did. In a worst case scenario, for example, I cannot imagine the parents of a murdered offspring to ever be forgiving to the perpetrator of the vile act, regardless of whether he/she expresses his/her seemingly heartfelt sorrow to them in court, before being remanded to prison. Some acts, by the very level or degree of harm they have brought to bear (i.e., by their very heinous nature), or by the harmful intent that motivated such acts, seem truly unforgivable.& unpardonable. Even a priest , I would think, might have his doubts about the expressed penitence (or value therefrom) of a wrongdoer, but I do not presume to have the answer as to the effectiveness of penance undergone by a sinner or of the forgiveness bestowed upon the sinner by others, including a clergyman. That kind of forgiveness, I suppose, can only come from a higher power.
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When i talk with my sister about our "mother", i sometimes can get really very angry, about all the shit that happened... It is about injustice... it is about doing what is right.. But that is just short lived. I dont stay angry. I was murderously angry, when i heard she died "peacefully"... WHAT!! How in hell is that possible?? And that was it. I see, forgiveness, as something only for the person self. not for the one who did the harm. time and time again... It is a sign of selflove to forgive and move on,. My sister understands those emotions.... She also knows i dont stay angry, or am not angry anymore... She was a mentally sick person.
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I was thinking about this in terms of forgiving one's self. We learn from mistakes. Sometimes we say things in anger. Those words can never be taken back. Such words can be more hurtful to ourselves. We don't want the other person to forgive us. We want to forgive ourselves. We feel guilt. If it is that important, can we ever forgive ourselves? Or do we just bury it and move on? We know full well that we cannot bury it forever. It always comes to the surface from time to time. It's just a thought I wanted to share.
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