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Another relationship done I have sat on this post for a while, trying to take into consideration how it would feel to read this from the other side, and perhaps how it reflects on me as a sub. I do not know why I take things so personally. My last relationship lasted far longer than the others I have had on here and yet we were better suited as friends than lovers in my perspective. I was fortunate enough this time to have some good friends to confide in and really took to heart what they thought. In a way this allowed me to make more rational decisions, and yet I still feel as though I have failed yet again. Circumstances since have really made me question our truths and how much we share them with each other. I have become jaded and gunshy at the idea of starting a new relationship on here. Perhaps I am tired of putting myself out there and it not being enough, at what point do we come to terms with the fact that for some it is just not written in the cards? Perhaps it is ridiculous to think that we can find anything of substance on a site such as this. So there you have it. Ramblings of a mixed up sub. |
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8/17/2022 3:41 pm |
You really are not alone here, frustrating as it may be, perhaps it is a fantasy and not a reality to be here at all. Sounds like you have actually had a relationship or two so you are way ahead of most on here, be thankful you have had the opportunity. Sorry it has not worked out for you but I know you are sincere and real, you deserve to find what you are looking for, there is a saying, it is better to have loved and lost than not to find any love at all. Kisses and hugs 
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Well mixed up sub, it just might be that you are a sub to heart. We have been in the lifestyle for decades and there are many facets to enjoying a meaningful "kink" and vanilla relationship. You have to have both, so the first thing is long distance relationships very rarely work. You are rooted here with a job, kids and there school and also family and friends. They are rooted wherever they are from and unlikely to move here, especially if they are from another country. I have found that sometimes a sub tries to hard to make a relationship work because they are trying to please their new "Sir" from a distance. Alas, it works for the Dom, but the sub is not fulfilled mentally and physically. This is merely a suggestion, but try finding a local connection where you can get together periodically, or even frequently. That way you learn about one another much faster. Also, try going out to local munches. Meeting other kink people in a safe yet friendly way, always opens new doors. Hope this may help in your search and finding your "one", or possibly "two". Do not be disheartened, subbie pick up me (her Dom) on this site a decade ago and we have not looked back. It took us a while to cross paths and meet, but it has been well worth the wait.
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Sorry about your loss. From my inexperienced view, the intensity/connection is the reward, and the loss of the same the risk. Thanks for posting and sharing your insight.
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8/17/2022 5:04 pm |
If you keep doing the same thing you'll keep getting the same thing. Am I the only one that sees a pattern here? Have you ever considered you failed because you set the conditions for failure? Maybe subconsciously you don't want to succeed. Perhaps success frightens you. Only you can answer that. You have everything you need to succeed don't blame it on the cards. You don't need anything extra you have everything that's required. Don't stand in your own way. Find a dom that isnt just about kink. Find a decisive leader that's grounded and in control of his life. If he's not in control of his life he can't offer you much. I never say if something meant to be it will be. That's bullshit. If you want something make it happen. Everyday provides an opportunity. So are you actually going to take a break and work on you or just lick your wounds until you heal and repeat everything over again?..Don't tell me, Tell you. I'd like to see you succeed. I know I can be harsh sometimes, but sometimes that's whats needed. It doesn't mean im unfeeling or uncaring. You have a lot of potential and I don't want to see it waisted. Stop questioning what you want and need and start questioning the path you're taking to get it. You can do this. Don't just let life happen. Make it happen. That's all I have to say unless you want more.
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Hm...well it takes time to find the right bdsm fit for you yes it is possible for you to find love fwb hookups etc. on these sites yes you gotta be careful as it takes longer shifting thru all the trash before you find somebody real & then it may not work out! you can’t live in a self isolated protected bubble either but rather look at each failure as one step closer to finding gold!
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Little sub, I see your point but would argue that it all depends on how you define failure. Did you BOTH fail to find the sweet spot in your relationship, yes, you did. But there is no failure in further defining your needs and the kind of connection you wish to share. This site is full of fakes, scammers, etc but also people who are looking for genuine kinky companionship. The things you have learned in the last few relationships will carry over if you choose to let them  thus the chances of failure will decrease because you have refined your needs, wants, and desire but most importantly, the costs you are NOT willing to pay to have them. In my view, despite circumstances, this is positive. Hold tight little sub we are all rooting for you xx Emma
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there's always ME xxx
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Nothing wrong with something new
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But that is the problem..women idealize relationships/ love.. And if the dude is..just good? Then he is friendzoned. Imagine if guys also played that game...well your fun to be with..but your not my ideal... But hey..let's stay friends.. Huh??? Women really need to stop sizing men up and comparing them to some ideal chart.. There is no Mr right or prince charming.. Enjoy a man for himself.. Or else you'll end up by yourself watching reruns of sex in the city drinking wine
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Stick to your guns, keep your standards. Learn from you choices. Be well young lady. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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Hmm, i have a totall different view on this. Dont get scared! I think..... since most men, on here, are FIRST AND FORMOST interested in the physical games, act, getting laid, get their loads off... The chance to reallly first build a relation based on friendship, instead of on kinky fuckery, is very, very slim. Everyone carry scars, of living, on the out or inside. I dó understand you, about being gunshy, and jaded... Oh, absolutely! Being vulnerable and open up, for someone new, again, can be very scary... Follow your gut feelings, maybe a sabbatical? from sites like this? Or, a change of mind set, being on here? I wish you strenght in what ever you decide to do.
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I am not trying to analyze, however at the onset, you stated; In your post, you were trying to take into consideration how it would feel to read your post, from the other side, and how it would reflect upon you, and more important you stated that you didn't know why you take it so personally. Two thing you added which was to me; was important. One was you have friends you confided into which you took to heart. The other thing was it allowed you to make more rational decisions. And you made and interesting remark; that you feel as though you have failed again. My take is; I saw your brief profile and the pic of you on all fours makes a statement; that you are a true sub in many of the traditional aspects. That you are a giving person. So Lisa; I think you should encourage your ability to share and confide your feelings and experiences to your friends and if they give you the feedback that makes you take it to heart you will probably make More rational decision, as you have in the past, and less feeling like you failed. That's my take. You are very warm and approachable. Let the doubts (about yourself) diminish in the air, from whence it came. Warm Hugs.
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HI LISA... You did not fail !! Perhaps it is the doms lost because you are a very nice person . We tried to meet you last summer and go out for dinner ! but we wish you would stop beating yourself up . this site is filled with people that will tell you any thing they think you want to hear . So just hang in there the right person may come along for you . We sure hope so sweetie .
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Experimenting and experiencing is learning irrespective of the nature of the outcome...Best wishes sub Lisa.
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