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| Blogs > pac369 > Pulling your own strings... |
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Jealousy.... These pics sum it up perfectly...   ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~ |
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I seldom experience it when I am alone, but will admit to some envy of others... Which I suspect is pretty common? But let me get involved in any kind of D/s relationship or start having feelings... Then... that green eyed monster shows up.. Not every minute or day, but it's there just waiting to rear it's ugly head.. I have had to process jealousy with a Dom who wasn't happy unless he was with a sub with the biggest possible tits available. A pic of him with a porn star, who had huge tits, was the only time I truly saw him in bliss! Of course the Dom's who are addicted to porn, and the jealousy of watching perfect bodies, and the comparisons of what nasty sluts they were compared to me.. Now comes the blast from the past. Who I have a special connection with, who doesn't believe in monogamy. A jealousy nightmare in itself! I know jealousy is a emotion...And I can try to redirect it, explore my insecurity, or acknowledge I am enough... Blah, blah, and fucking blah.... If it was that simple anyone could do it... It's not. The more I care, the more potential to be jealous... Now... add in getting older, with Dom's who continually want younger. It's a recipe for disaster! My buddy, the sadist from IM, assured me I will end up bitter and alone because I choose not to talk to him... And while I make light of the situation, the possibility is there... Then there's this hidden gem.. If someone is accusing you of fucking around, such as at work, the majority of the time they are.. So I still have jealousy issues from this happening to me twice! I so want to believe that, in the right D/s relationship, I won't feel so jealous. That I will have the reassurance from my Dom that nothing will come between us... The longer I am alone though the more I question everything... If it's not distance, attraction, principles, marital status, kinks, FWB & NSA, it's the whole sharing or polyamory experience.. And I just wonder if I can overcome it all? Or if I am destined to be alone now because I just can't fucking settle for average... ~ Physical strength is measured by what we carry. Inner strength is measured by what we can bear. ~
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"I know jealousy is a emotion...And I can try to redirect it, explore my insecurity, or acknowledge I am enough... Blah, blah, and fucking blah....", this says so much. We try to push that emotion deep inside so as to not infect our relationships but human nature creeps in and we end up completely raw and exposed. Those that claim to not have a jealous bone in their body are fooling themselves.
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It's a very strange emotion, which can be caused by a myriad of things/conditions/feelings, any one of which might creep up and bite you on the ass... The only way to get out in front of it is to be honest and forthright about this emotion.
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pac I agree! Jealousy is unavoidable and the possibility rises with the level of emotion we have for the other... A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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