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a few thoughts & a small anecdote about "Informed Consent" vs "Consent" in regards to BDSM/Kink Life Blog follows in first comment below. Thanks for reading! |
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When i was a newbie, "informed consent" (or it's variant, the "enthusiastic, ongoing, informed consent") was something that the elders of the scene spoke of in reverent tones and a wistful look in their eyes. It took a while for me to understand the difference between "Consent" and "Informed Consent"---which makes sense as i was totally new to this world of BDSM and Kink, so had little-to-none of the "Informed" part to go on. You've got to gain experience (or at least, knowledge) to really know what you are saying yes to. It's a corundum that can have a lot of negative lasting effects on a newbie (my experience is as a sub/bottom, but i imagine that these types of "learning curve" problems can really affect all roles). One thing that happened kind of recently that reminded me of this issue was not during a play session, but at a munch. i was talking with a small group of people (myself, a Sadist, and a D/s/DDLG couple). The "D" of the D/s couple said that they'd gotten a new toy lately, and did i want to see a picture of it? Of course, my mind (and i think the Sadists' mind, too) immediately went to something more like an S/M type toy. Maybe a new whip or flogger. Maybe even a piece of furniture or some exotic piece of bondage gear. So imagine my surprise when he hands me the phone and it's a picture of a vibrator, in between the "s" part of the couples' legs! i am only grateful that the "s" was shown clothed (the picture showed from the waist down and i think she had on panties, a leotard or maybe leggings). So it wasn't technically a "pornographic" or "explicit" image...but still...it wasn't what i was expecting to see, and honestly didn't have an interest to see. All in all, it was a good reminder to not assume things, and to ask qualifying questions before saying "yes". If i had taken a moment to remember "Informed Consent", i would have asked, "What type of toy?" He would have said, "Vibrator". And i would have said, "Oh cool! That's awesome but i don't need to see a picture of it." (Then later, i probably would have privately asked the "s" type if she likes it, and if so, to send me the make/model. i mean, when it comes to vibrators it's all about word of mouth recommendations!) Just a little anecdote and reminder about "Informed Consent" vs "Consent" not only during a play scene, but with all types of interactions with Kinksters.
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