Blog : My Daddy Rex or: How i Learned to Stop Worrying and Love D/s

280 posts
12/11/2023 12:10 pm

My Daddy Rex or: How i Learned to Stop Worrying and Love D/s

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165 posts
12/11/2023 12:11 pm

Having the opportunity to assist my Sir in organizing and running a Kinky Holiday Bazaar held at Sanctuary Studios was...amazing!!! Amazingly difficult, demanding, tricky, stressful, and...most of all...super fulfilling and a wonderful learning experience.

In my vanilla life, i have experience organizing different types of events but very little on this scale and nothing that is so BDSM-focused (let alone, held at one of Los Angeles' best known Dungeon Clubs).

Throw that in with my role as assistant, co-organizer and vendor coordinator to my Sir...

Taking on this project not only as assistant and co-organizer but as my Sir's submissive was a whole other angle. It's one thing to be a Boss Lady (i prefer the term, "Natural Leader") in my vanilla life: to have a vision, to work with my friends and team, to make all the decisions and be in charge of all the details (and to delegate the rest).

But doing this in a D/s framework was a huge learning experience in a whole other way. The challenge of being used to taking charge and doing things my way, yet needing to defer to him and run things by him before making decisions. Knowing that i was representing not only myself and the venue, but him. Wanting to please him as his submissive while balancing the responsibilities of my work and daily life. Learning A LOT about him in a very short time (we pulled all of this off in less than two weeks). Heck, learning a lot about myself in the same short time span.

Everything i learned was so positive. Not perfect or like a fairy tale. But better because it is real, day-to-day life. Some of you know that although i have really dove deep into exploring BDSM over the past 7 years, i haven't had much experience having "real" D/s relationships. So much of Sir's and my relationship has been new experiences: officially having the conversation with him about it and our intentions for it...receiving a play collar from him...not only having sessions with him but being involved in each others' social lives...having our relationship "Fetlife Official". These are all things i haven't experienced with a Dominant before.

So organizing and running the Holiday Bazaar: another new experience, this one with high stakes. Not gonna lie, there were more than a few times where i thought about pulling the plug. Telling Sir that i couldn't do it, it was too much. The relationship AND the event. All the stress and pressure. PLUS i haven't even mentioned the fact that this would be my first time meeting his long-term submissive as well as several of his other partners and girl friends. It all added up to a lot of unknown factors. Could i handle it? How could i manage my emotions, my jealousy and insecurity, alongside all my responsibilities and duties as event co-organizer?

i wasn't sure how or if i even could.

There was one moment in particular as the event started coming together and more and more details were being added (each detail meaning more responsibilities and more potential chaos) where i was starting to really freak out. i was on the phone with Sir voicing my...mounting concerns. "you have to trust me." He said, calmly.

His words snapped me back. It's so hard for me to trust. But he was right. i DO have to trust him. If i don't, i can't work under him as his assistant and certainly can't work out a D/s relationship with him. After our phone call i reflected on the last 4 months of knowing him (8 or 9 months if you count all the time we spent talking on the phone before meeting).

Has he ever given me a reason to NOT trust him? Has he ever pushed me to do things that i wasn't comfortable doing? Has he ever made me feel like if i didn't, or couldn't do something...if i made a mistake...if i felt emotional or unsure...that he would somehow "punish" me by leaving me?

He hasn't...not once. Although i am still working out rectifying certain aspects of his lifestyle, he has never made me feel bad, or unwanted, or less than. When we are together, i feel special. When we are not together, i hear from him often. To the best of his ability, he comes through on the things he says that he will do. Whenever possible, he goes above and beyond for his friends and loved ones---and that includes me.

So, i needed to trust him. Not just in an erotic kinky way. This is different than a hot bedroom scene. This is real life, day to day D/s. This is putting my money where my mouth is: can i trust him, can i follow his lead? Do i want to? Can i put aside my ego, my fears and my agenda in order to help fulfill his?

Not gonna lie, the internal struggle is real. But with him, at every step, the payoff has been worth the struggle and sacrifice.

It's not always been easy but has always been worth it.

So yeah. i learned so much these past 2--3 weeks. i learned a lot about running events, i learned a lot about him, i learned a lot about myself.

i learned that it's safe to trust him.

i learned that everything is do-able when you have your homegirls with you.

i learned that although i talk a lot about wanting to give back, wanting to serve, wanting to achieve things, to actually go through with it is another story. It takes a lot of stamina, fortitude, clarity, wisdom, honesty, courage and strength.

i learned that i have those things, maybe more than i had thought.

RobertBishop 66M