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do you remember the first time? i was prompted to write about my first time attending a Dungeon Play Party after seeing a status update asking people about their own first times. blog to follow in first comment. thanks for reading! |
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i saw a status update asking people about their first time attending a Play Party...such a great topic and it inspired me to write a bit about my first time! i had taken a lot of "baby steps" and done a lot of research before attending my first play party. i wasn't going to events because i naturally wanted to---after a year of playing privately with "doms" i met on the internet, it had come down to three choices: either leave BDSM behind, keep doing what i was doing and end up in the hospital or worse, or....start attending events. So yeah. It was basically my only choice, if i wanted to continue to explore and play, without risk of grievous injury and/or complete mental breakdown. After much consideration, i chose to attend a night at a pretty famous Dungeon here in Los Angeles...The Lair De Sade. i had chosen a night that they called "Insight". The evening started with a program of classes (a BDSM101/Dungeon Etiquette Class, then a Flogging Class), then there would be a play party for the rest of the night. "Sir, will i enjoy this?" i remember asking my then-Dom and Mentor. "you will enjoy the class, the play party...maybe not so much..." i remember him telling me. He had been encouraging me to start attending things for months, urging that i would meet "a better class of Gentlemen Pervert there". He knew, more clearer than i, what danger i was putting myself in with each "Coffee Meet and Play In Private" i was doing. Although he knew diving into "the scene" of BDSM Dungeons was my best option, he also made it clear that not everyone there was to be trusted. Attending a BDSM Dungeon wasn't a guarantee of safety, but it WAS another tool that i could utilize to be safer. So knowing all this, i went with an open mind, yet set my boundaries firmly in advance: i'd go and attend the classes, then stay at the play party a little while---not a second longer than i wanted to. And i would not play at all...just observe and take it all in. Even with all the encouragement, all the "baby steps", all the research...my anxiety was at 100 out of 10 as i got ready that evening. my mind racing as i dressed, did my hair and make up, packed my flogger and purse. my thoughts vacillating between being really excited, to really nervous. A constant tug of war between knowing that i need to go, to wanting so very badly to bail out. It was the same on the drive there. From Pomona to North Hollywood, each mile was again that tug of war looping in my brain. Each freeway exit a chance at escape. Each mile gained the dawning realization that this was really happening. Surreal is an understatement!! To the front desk staff, i'm sure that i looked like just another newbie with that "deer in the headlights" look. i remember walking up to the desk and asking if i was too late to attend the classes (i had arrived a few minutes late). They were reassuring and warm, as i signed the waiver and entered the facility. Sitting in on the classes was amazing. During the 101 Class, i began to learn things that most of those "internet doms" will never tell you: common dangers and pitfalls of being new in the scene. The importance of vetting, taking your time, negotiation and standing up for yourself and your own boundaries. Exactly the type of things that predators DO NOT WANT "newbies" to know. It was a great presentation, made even better when i realized that the person leading the class was someone i had worked with in the past, and always held a respect and admiration for. i know that a lot of people have anxiety about "What if i see someone i know..." but let me tell you, it can be a very positive experience, too. There was a brief intermission between the 101 Class and the Flogging Class. i remember sitting in the hard wooden chair waiting for the second class to begin when he approached me. It's laughable, really, and thank goodness i had done my research and was already familiar with the concept of this type of scenario: i got "pinned" by a predatory regular. He took the chance to switch seats during the intermission and sit beside me, introducing himself and talking my ear off. The fact that he never once took his eyes off of my cleavage and breasts did not escape me. For me, that is one of THE MOST disrespectful things that a man can do to me. But, me being me ("nice"), in the moment i just let it ride and decided to just see how everything unfolded. The Flogging class was a great experience. The regular who had "pinned" me did not leave my side, and actually gave me a few strikes with the flogger (over my dress) during the class (my apologies to the instructors...i had no idea that wasn't proper etiquette and was just following the lead of said "regular"!). After the class, people dispersed to the kitchen, play rooms, or the large patio to socialize, while a few of the staff and volunteers put away the chairs and reset the main room for the play party. As you can guess, the regular never left my side. And his eyes never left my chest. Although he had been a regular there for some time, he told me that he had never played there before. This seemed odd to me but i brushed it off, knowing that newbie men probably have it way harder than a woman to find someone willing to play. He took me under his wing and gave me a tour of the large, rambling facility. i enjoyed the unique and eccentric layout very much, in turn intrigued and confused by all of the gleaming leather, wood and metal furniture apparatuses all around me. Soon the play party officially began. There were a lot of people and it was very eye opening to walk around to the different rooms and areas and observe some of the things taking place. One thing that my research didn't prepare me for was the smell of the Dungeon. The scent of arousal, very real and very close. In one room, the scent of a woman, tied down to a spanking horse. In another, where a Domme labored over a nude man strapped to a table, the scent was distinctly male. In between my wanderings, i'd find a seat in the patio. The regular never left my side, which sadly inhibited my ability to talk with others. He did ask me if i was interested to play, but i stuck to my boundaries and told him no. i was there to observe and take it all in. i didn't want to jump into anything i wasn't prepared for, and definitely not with someone i wasn't completely comfortable around...i mean, this was the whole reason i started to attend events, after all. i stayed at the play party for less than an hour, but since i had sat in on the classes as well, it was already late, maybe close to 11pm. It had been a full evening, a total success in my book and overall very pleasant and enlightening. i had done what i had set out to do and it was time for me to go. The regular was sad to see me leave but we kept in touch and our paths would cross again, soon. We never ended up playing together---his blatant disrespect towards me in the way that he looked at my body and never looked at my face while we conversed had sealed his fate. Eventually i ended up blocking him, but that would come much later in my journey. i believe it was on my third visit to Lair De Sade before i met someone that i felt comfortable enough to play with. i'm glad that i waited and i am so glad that i always returned on the nights with the class programs followed by the play parties. i learned so much during the 101 Classes (as well as the other classes). Sitting in on those classes gave me not only information about safety, skill and technique with playing...but also such vitally important information about advocating for myself, setting...and sticking to my own boundaries, the difference between D/s and Top/bottom... Knowing how to negotiate and knowing that sometimes the two people are too far apart in what they want. Having the confidence to know that i was in control and could go after the experience that i wanted. The importance of keeping ones reputation good and practical tips on how to do that. All the things that the predatory "internet doms" will NEVER tell you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPGepgWupTw
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1969 at the Esalen Institute, Big Sur, Ca. It's a retreat for higher enlightenment, back then the groups were trying to find the mental origin of various kinks. it was my first BDSM orgy in a group of more than a 100 people. I think most of what we did is now illegal.
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