Blog : Safe Calls

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8/5/2022 9:15 pm

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8/9/2022 1:14 pm

Safe Calls

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11184 posts
8/5/2022 9:16 pm

Safe Calls
First meetings and first scene play dates are the most dangerous times in BDSM. You do not know who you are actually going to meet for the first time, or what will happen during the scene for the first time.
What Is a Safe call?
A safe call is a person you trust to know and trust, who will call you during a meeting with someone new. And knows who, you are meeting, where and what you will be doing. And is not afraid to call 911 if you don’t answer their call to check on your safety.
Who Needs a Safe call?
Anyone meeting someone for the first time or meeting for a first time scene play.
What information should you give your Safe call person?
When meeting someone over the internet, you already have their screen name.
Get the full name of the person you are going to meet, their phone number, their address,
their driver's license number and place of employment.
Some people may or may not want to give out all of this information.
Remember: If something goes really wrong, someone needs to know how to find you. People who are not willing to give most of this information, probably have something to hide.
What Do I Do With All This Information?
Give the Safe call person all the information. Also, set up a code phrase, in case things get out of hand and there's no way for you to tell that to your Safe call person without increasing the danger you are in. Something simple, like "Yes, my mother knows." It's obscure and doesn't sound to the abuser like a call for help.
As soon as you meet with the person, call your Safe call. Tell them you've arrived, and make sure they have the information.
Call again two hours later to let them know you are still safe.
If you met at a restaurant and leave to go to their house, or somewhere else, call again with the new location. It also provides a timeline.
Call again in two hours. Either you are about to play or have finished a two-hour session. Either way, two hours is a good limit for a first encounter. Any worthwhile Dom or sub should respect that.
If you are staying, call every two hours. If you plan on sleeping there, let your Safe call know and be sure to call before going to bed and upon waking up. If you're going to a motel, call once you get there, and give Safe call the name of the hotel and room number, be sure to call your Safe call every 2 hours until you go to bed and again when you wake up.
Just because a person is sweet and polite at the restaurant or their house, doesn't mean they're not opportunists. Bundy and Dahmer were charming!
Most first time encounters go fine. However, the ones that do end up bad, end up very bad. "Err on the side of caution." It's always better to be safe than sorry...or dead.
Make it obvious to the person you are meeting that you will be doing safe calls. If the person is insulted by the practice, or objects, WALK AWAY. This is a safety measure. No reputable Dominant will object. Your safety should be their priority, also.
Don’t think you “can handle yourself”. You don’t know if the person you are meeting will have accomplices in place to help overpower you. You don’t know that the picture you’ve seen is really the person you are going to meet, either.

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