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Poly BDSM vs sub collecting Article in comments  |
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What is polyamory? The practice of having more than one long-term, loving, committed relationship with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Keywords there are “full knowledge” and “consent”. If there is no full knowledge and consent to the multiple relationships, it’s generally called … CHEATING. There isn’t only one way to have a poly relationship. Some live in a poly “home” where all participants live together. Mostly that means one Dominant and multiple submissives. But it can also include multiple Dominants, with a hierarchy built into the home. It also doesn’t necessarily mean the submissives are bisexual. They may or may not sexually interact with each other, depending on agreements and consent. Others live their lives in separate homes, but still have full knowledge of all participants and may or may not all interact sexually. Still others use some variation of a single “Home” and multiple residences for the participants. But always the key is full knowledge and consent. Honesty, trust and respect to maintain the long-term, loving, committed relationships. The little spoken of practice of “sub collecting” is vastly different. The Dominant, the “sub collector”, has a need to continually add more submissives to his/her “stable”. Many times, the submissives have no clue about any of the others. The collector keeps them all in the dark, carefully managing when interactions are done. Other times, the submissives are aware of the others, but are assured that the collector values them all equally. The collector often times collars submissives quickly, with little or no vetting process. They may view the size of their group of submissives as a sign of their prowess and power. Often the collector has difficulties maintaining a balance with the group, as far as attention, true training and nurturing for each of the submissives. This can result in high turnover in the collector’s stable as submissives become disenchanted with not having the expectations met and seeing more submissives being added. The disenchanted leave the group and eventually replaced by more new submissives. Though the collector will do everything he/she can to persuade the submissive to stay or return. The collector is not necessarily a fake Dominant, often they are well versed in the lifestyle and may have one submissive in particular that is a long term relationship in the lifestyle, considering all others as “under protection” or “training”. Keep in mind, collectors can be real-time or online. They will have a wealth of knowledge, share it freely, but expect total loyalty and obedience to them alone, many times downplaying or denigrating other Dominants as lesser and not to be listened to or trusted. They use manipulation to collect and keep submissives. Stereotypically, they will be egotistical and narcissistic, leading their stable as more of a cult, than a true BDSM relationship. Collectors can be detrimental to a submissives mental and emotional development in the BDSM Lifestyle without ever laying a finger on the submissive. Proper vetting, patience and taking the time to learn about the lifestyle is the best way to avoid collectors and their misleading “truths” about BDSM relationships
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9/7/2022 9:17 pm |
Very informative. I can see a "collector" as being a very prominent scenario in this lifestyle. Mainly because that seems to be what I find mostly. They always keep you dangling, and wasting your time with promises . You may not think of them as fake Dom's, but I do. That's definitely not considered a BDSM relationship in my book. I guess because of my age, I want to have a Master who is free to spend time with me. I would keep my home and never re-marry, but would like a relationship where time is spent with the Dom a week or two at a time. Plus .... I like road trips or cruises at this point in time. If I was youger and still working, a "Collector" probanly wouldn't bother me at all.
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9/7/2022 9:23 pm |
no_unicorn 53F ..... He did say that it is best to Avoid Collectots and their misleading "truths" about BDSM relationships. I don't even think of them as "Real" Dominants!!
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Mmmmmm I've been involved in 3somes with married couples teaming up with the wife to please her hubby... So Ron you would consider that a poly relationship??? 😎
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Not a lifestyle for everyone but I have seen it more often of late. The way I see it, a Sub Collector is a polyamory variation. If the SC is gaining the control of the sub by telling him/her is the only one, but has several, then I think that is still cheating. But I can see how many subs will learn that the collector has others subs and will accept it as part of their submission, and so there is the consent. In my case, my cyber Dom is open about he having several subs and I'm OK with it. Nice article.
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9/8/2022 5:01 am |
no_unicorn 53F ..... He did say that it is best to Avoid Collectots and their misleading "truths" about BDSM relationships. I don't even think of them as "Real" Dominants!! 
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An arrangement that wouldn't work for me.
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good post Ron
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9/8/2022 6:45 am |
Very informative. I can see a "collector" as being a very prominent scenario in this lifestyle. Mainly because that seems to be what I find mostly. They always keep you dangling, and wasting your time with promises . You may not think of them as fake Dom's, but I do. That's definitely not considered a BDSM relationship in my book. I guess because of my age, I want to have a Master who is free to spend time with me. I would keep my home and never re-marry, but would like a relationship where time is spent with the Dom a week or two at a time. Plus .... I like road trips or cruises at this point in time. If I was youger and still working, a "Collector" probanly wouldn't bother me at all.
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9/8/2022 10:13 am |
Great illustration by the way, Very good choice.
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Hey Sir Ron I have a question for you please.... I'm flying with the idea of playing with a new DOM who is into CANES which I've always been afraid of thinking it must be worse than crops and paddles. I'm scared of guaranteed scars on my tush. I've been asswhipped with paddles crops and whippy type implements but no experience with CANES do I need to worry??? Or are canes no better or worse than other flagellation tools???? I remembered that you are the expert on CANES so could you please enlighten me or perhaps do another TOPIC on this subject??? Mmmmm I've even had a wooden spoon applied to my derriere but never a CANE🤪
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Ha🤩 You nail it Sexy Soul Sister and it's hilarious the way you explain it who ya gonna believe me or your lying eyes....🤪
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WOW Thank You My Wonderful Girlfriend I needed to know that info!!! I can negotiate my way out of getting canes it's a heavy object my tush can't take it will be my excuse😵 Michael wants to get with me real bad so I will get him to concede NO CANES😎. But of course my interest is picqued and I still want to hear from the expert Sir Ron .... Like there are all kinds of different canes I imagine....
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Thank You Ron I appreciate your response to my question. Michael asserts he has mucho experience as a DOM says he will cause pain but not lasting damage similar to what you describe. Of course before I hook up I negotiate these things out. Essentially I ask everything a DOM might potentially wish to do with me and if I object we fine time it or reject it. When I actually hook up I want to be very submissive not object to anything and allow the DOM to take charge as HE or in some cases SHE sees fit...😎
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