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Negativity, breeds negative results. Article in comments  |
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In any relationship, let alone a BDSM relationship, pessimism will lead to a failing relationship. Even the most positive partner in the world, will at some point be unable to handle continued negativity from their partner. Listening constantly to: “My relationships always end badly.” “No one ever listens to me about my problems.” “You wouldn’t understand how I’m feeling.” “I can’t do that, it just brings back bad memories.” Will sooner or later drive away the most ardent of loving partners. Now I know what many of you are thinking. You can’t know how bad something is until you have lived it. You don’t know how hard it is to get over something terrible, until you have had to try. And you would be right. But I HAVE had bad things happen to me. I HAVE lived through terrible occurrences. I’m not sitting here and writing that everyone should put on rose colored glasses and think everything will be right with the world if they think positively. I am not an optimist. But I am a realists. We all have to live in reality. We know bad things can happen, especially if bad things have happened to us in the past. And let’s face it, not many people live such a charmed life that nothing bad ever happened to them. But just because something bad happened before, doesn’t mean it will happen again, unless there is a physical manifestation that causes it. For the most part, WE have control of what happens in the present and future. How we think and how we act, is just as much a part of outcomes as external influences. If you go into a relationship thinking it will end badly, chances are it will. If you won’t open yourself up to talk about problems when someone offers to listen, people will stop offering. If you believe no one will understand your problems, no one ever will because you refuse to share them. The hardest part is getting over traumatic memories. Many people just build walls around whatever happened and avoid it. But any credible therapist will tell you, that is not a healthy way to deal with it. Avoidance is the ultimate negative action. It takes strength and will power to overcome tragedies. Often it cannot be done alone. Whether it is professional help, or the help of someone that earns your trust. Living life with negative thoughts and emotions, isn’t living life fully. We all need to strive for the best outcome, while being prepared for the bad things that may come. That’s reality. Bad things happen. How we deal with them going forward, defines our life and how we want to live it, or not live it. It’s never easy to free yourself of the past. But the past is history, it happened, and it can’t be changed. The present and future can be made by you, anyway you want it to be, if you can put the past behind you, and work towards your goals realistically. Remember, the harder something is to do, the greater the challenge. The greater the reward. Living your life free of the past, can be the greatest reward of all. It opens doors for even more happiness.
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Well said Rondiri!! I agree it’s not easy. Forgive the person or people that have hurt you and most of all forgive yourself. Don’t let your past have any power over your future. Be good to yourself!
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There is really only the here and now... and the future...😎
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well stated! When you wake up and tell yourself, it is going to be a great day... first thing, You start out the day in a really good mood, try it it works!
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Then after reading this and posting, I came across this : Every morning, when you see yourself in the mirror, give your reflection a high five. Now, it may sound wacky, but high-fiving yourself provides an instant hit of the ‘happy hormone’ dopamine. This idea comes from life coach and bestselling author Mel Robbins. She found the high five was particularly great at lifting your spirits because our brains are programmed to receive this gesture as a positive message. A high five sends the message, “You’ve got this. I believe in you.” (Even when you don’t feel this way, the action tricks your brain into believing it!) And most importantly, pairing a high five with the sight of your own reflection helps you think of yourself as someone who should be celebrated
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A lovely post and thank you 
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Very true.
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The past can have shaped you, have an ever lasting imprint on a part of you.BUT, every day "You" can make the decision to be happy and content with yourself. Be thankfull for living and were you are in your life, at that stage.. Half full i would say. And some real great therapy!
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