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| Blogs > rondiri > My thought's, fun and fiction |
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Expectations vs Reality Article in comments If Alt doesn't mess up anymore. All searches have disappeared from my feed.  |
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Through the process of vetting and negotiation, when we enter into a BDSM relationship. Both partners have expectations of how things will proceed. You have agreed to rules and protocols. Set and accepted limits on what you will and won’t do, and how intense certain activities will be. Everything is acceptable, you’re both happy with the arrangement, and then… Reality sets in. One partner or the other, sometimes both, find that the expectations agreed to, just don’t work for them in one way or another. It can happen for many reasons. Inexperience, over estimating your, or your partner’s abilities, not having the mindset to truly accept all that goes into a BDSM relationship. So that’s it, right? End of the relationship. Well, depending on how large the discrepancy between expectation and reality is, that might be true. But before partners just say, “Nope, we aren’t a match!” time should be taken to see if discrepancies can be ironed out. Sometimes it may just be an acclimation period that is needed to accept and adhere to protocols. Or a limit needs to be adjusted so that both partners are more comfortable and feel safe. BDSM relationships require a give and take, an adjusting to a new partner’s ways of doing things, it requires accommodations to be made by both partners, within the limits and abilities and safety concerns of each. There are so many degrees of participation, degrees of intensity, degrees of abilities and limits, that it is virtually impossible to find the exact match in all areas of the BDSM relationship. We all have our “perfect dynamic scenario”. The image of the perfect partner, what they can do, allow done, and match perfectly with what we desire. But the reality is, we have to make adjustments to our expectations. We can experiment, adjust, add and subtract until we are satisfied as partners. Or you can scrap the months of vetting and negotiation, scrap the trust and feelings that have built up and start all over again from scratch. Sometimes that may be the best way, when the differences are insurmountable. But another reality is, that nothing is perfect. So she can’t swallow you into her throat nightly while humming Yankee Doodle. So he can’t bump your cervix while tap dancing like Fred Astaire. Not every failed expectation is cause for the end of a relationship. Sometimes you have to accept reality and find the best way to make it work for you and your partner. If you find affection, trust, safety and growing togetherness, it’s worth putting the work into adjusting.
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Yeah, a lot of things are broken tonight related to secondary data - 1 - My notifications list has been empty for a week or so and was often empty for months before that. 2 - The list of profiles that have hot listed me, flirted with me, or viewed my profile are all empty despite the counts for hot list and viewed being 1 and 8 respectively since this morning. 3 - The popup that shows some of a profile when hovering over a pic or similar never fills in, just stays empty with the busy icon/indicator. 4 - The Who's Online, New Matches, Members Near Me, and VIP tabs all say: We are sorry. The data you requested is currently unavailable. Please try again later. I reported all this just now and pointed out that clearing the cache and cookies have never helped but I'm sure that'll be in the reply I get.
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Oh, and my profile page is empty - all white. Didn't try that before reporting the other problems, so I'll report that now.
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Sorry to hear that Alt fucked up your profile page and account...😵
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Work together and it will give results, but patience is a must.
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Yes - patience is needed, probably in all relationships. As for the problems I listed last night, the only one still not fixed is the long term one of my notifications list being empty despite people looking at my profile and postings to blogs - the popups in the lower right have worked all along but not the explicit list on the notifications page. So the problem with my profile was not that it was deleted but that that page was simply not being rendered/displayed.
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Like any relationship, it requires communication, tolerance, respect and a genuine interest from each part for it to work.
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RON I'm sorry that Alt fucked up your profile page and account😵
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Well I noticed my profile page became invisible for awhile no access..... Happy your damage was minimal😎
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