Blog : Collars and collaring

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7306 posts
12/31/2022 9:10 am

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Collars and collaring

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Spent a week nursing Courtney through COVID, never got it. Take my mother to the doctor for a repertory problem,. I get laid out in bed like a bus hit me... Go figure.

rondiri 65M

11185 posts
12/31/2022 9:10 am

Special request from a member of a group.

Collars have always been a sign of slavery, since the slave trade was begun centuries ago.
It’s no surprise that the BDSM Community adopted the collar as a symbol of submission.
Decades ago, BDSM collars were traditionally made of leather and/or metal. Either buckled on the neck or welded on. Later, locking leather collars were developed.
It is important to remember that the collar, whatever you use, is symbolic. Without the trust, honesty, consent and any emotional ties there might be, a collar means nothing, it’s just decoration and a style choice. Twenty or so years ago it became popular with the Goth crowd, along with wrist cuffs. It had no interpretation to them as a submission symbol. It more symbolized toughness
Over the decades, the BDSM Community has changed as we all know. The Collar can now be anything that symbolizes the submission of one person to another. A traditional Collar, a choke, a pendant, a necklace, even rings and bracelets have been chose to represent the symbol of submission of one partner to the other.
The big thing is that the Dominant must feel the submissive has earned the collar, as the Dominant has earned the submission of the submissive. Some Dominants may require tasks for this, but ordinarily, it’s earned just by spending time together, earning trust, being honest and showing how much the relationship means to you.
The submissive must feel that the Dominant has earned the right to have their collar on the submissive. The submissive must feel that they can obey, follow and be guided by the Dominant, that they can trust them with their life and future.
Both are not that much different than getting married and getting engaged. It shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Many couples have multiple collars. Play collar (more traditional leather and metal) day collars (to blend in with the vanilla world in public), Dress collars (for wearing to events and parties. Protection Collar, Online Collar, whatever someone can think up.
Traditionally, collaring was never a simple, “now that we are playing, you need to wear this collar.”
That type of use loses all the symbolism of what a collar means. In a meaningful BDSM dynamic, the Collar is the most meaningful piece of jewelry a submissive will wear. That is what makes the commitment the partners made in offering and accepting the collar, so meaningful.
Many compare the collar to either an engagement or wedding ring in the vanilla world. It takes the relationship beyond, casual to very serious in the minds of the partners.
Because of the importance of the symbolism, Collars are rarely removed, and even more rarely without the Dominant being present. (Excluding online dynamics)
Removing a collar can mean the end of a relationship if the giver takes it the wrong way. The symbolism wanes just as if a vanilla person stopped wearing their wedding ring.
Many partners hold some type of ceremony to commemorate and celebrate the collaring. There is no standard way to do this that I know of. Like anything in BDSM dynamics, however you do it, should be meaningful to YOU, not what anyone else says or does. Whether you have a great gathering of friends, or just keep it private between the two of you. YOU have to be happy with the result, no one else.
© 12/29/22 Ronald Dirienzo

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