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Safe Words and Limits Article in comments |
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Yesterday’s article got a few responses I didn't expect. Some submissives noted how they just won't use their safe word, no matter what. Long ago, when I was taught by mentors, I didn't think much of limits and safe words. I felt they were either unnecessary, or a lack of trust, in me as a Dominant. Why? Because that was what I was told, what I was taught. And I believed my mentors. Like a few other things, I broke with my mentors thinking on limits and safe words. (You don’t HAVE to believe or commit to everything you are taught and told.) I realized limits and safe words are not a trust issue, they are a safety issue. And they are certainly necessary. Even the most experienced and attentive Dominant is not perfect. Submissives can have an off day with their tolerance or feel the need, for whatever reason, to stop what is happening. A flashback, a serious pain, unexpected medical issue. Or sometimes, shit just happens. Whatever the reason, a safe word and limits can prevent injury, stop something serious from becoming disastrous, and protect the submissive from a Dominant's imperfection. A submissive should never be reluctant to demand limits or a safe word. And a submissive should never be reluctant to use their safe word or enforce their limits. It protects not only the submissive, but also the Dominant. It has nothing to do with trust. It has everything to do with safety. © 3/8/23 Ronald Dirienzo
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As a submissive, i couldn't agree more. it is a safety issue for the sub
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The imagination of No Limits can be tantalizing, for both sides. But the reality is always different from what we imagine.
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Without safe words Everytime I get whiney or noisy the DOM would have to stop the activity....😵
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3/9/2023 4:39 am |
i have always felt that "safe words" are for roll players. Mine are "no" and "stop." (Or even "slow down.") Having to yell out "pizzeria" or "Baltimore" when something is too much seems stilted and staged to me. A frank and open discussion before the "scene" begins (setting firm limits) seems like a much better option. And if the sub cannot or does not trust the Dom to not exceed preestablished limits, how can he/she/it trust the Dom to pay attention when "vittles" is called out? i had one Man explain that sometimes a sub will accidently say "no" or "stop" in the midst of a particularly intense scene. When what they really mean is "yes!" My response was, "Not me. With me yes means yes and no means no." If a scene is particularly intense i am much more likely to forget "voyage" than "stop." my motto, "Just say no to safe words!"  My "gurl name" is Kate Coxuker. It is who i am and what i do. 
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A previous Mistress of mine made sure I knew my safe word and assured me she would not be upset if I used it.
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well said
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