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Nonnegotiable article in comments |
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Most everyone in the BDSM Lifestyle has nonnegotiable things they want or don’t want in their relationship or dynamic. Whether it is a common or rare activity doesn’t really matter. It is what the person thinks of the activity and why they feel it is nonnegotiable. Why they must or mustn’t have that activity in the dynamic or relationship Nonnegotiables may be the biggest problem in matching up with a potential partner. Especially if it is something that is commonly sought by partners. The key with nonnegotiables is sticking to your beliefs and not caving in to pressure from prospective partners to accept what you deem nonnegotiable. There was a reason you made the activity nonnegotiable. Whether it was you loved it, hated it, were unable to do it, were scared out of your mind about it or any other reason, you made the decision and you should stand by it when pressured. No one has the right to pressure you into doing what you don’t want or not doing what you want. That’s is why negotiations are do important and why being firm during them matters so much. If someone tries to manipulate or coerce you into folding on your nonnegotiable choices, simple walk away. Manipulation and coercion are giant red flags. If allowed to succeed once, the odds of it happening over and over are extremely high. A manipulated or coerced Dominant is no dominant at all. A manipulated or coerced submissive is being treated as a doormat. Some will say trying things you deem nonnegotiable is a thrilling experience, a learning experience. But many nonnegotiables were decided on AFTER trying an activity and finding it lacking, difficult, even repulsive. While on the other end of the spectrum the activity was found to be exhilarating and needed in one’s life. Either way forcing it on someone or taking it away from someone can lead to disillusionment, which has no place in a dynamic or relationship. Concessions in negotiations can be a good thing in negotiations. Just don’t cave in and accept something that will make you unhappy or miserable when partaking of the activity you feel nonnegotiable. © 3/27/24 Ronald Dirienzo
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