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Need your opinions please... My bf and I were having issues. A lot of his issues were my dress (which I will admit is very provocative at times), and my flirting with waiters and such (as I have always done). To give you better perspective let me give you some back story. Hubby always liked me to be an exhibitionist and a flirt. It turned him on to see me get another guy aroused and see the effects I had on strangers when I 'accidentally' flashed them. He himself was never an exhibitionist but loved to take pictures of me nude or partially nude out in public and at home. There came a point in our marriage where he was not able to perform well in bed (he was a bit older than I was), so he asked if I would be interested in bringing another man into our relationship. I said yes, as long as he was okay with it, and he said that as long as he was always there when I saw him that he was fine with it. (Any pictures that I may share playing with a man's cock, it is always this man). Hubby took the photos of us. When hubby passed away this man became my bf. Over the weekend we had another blow up and he stormed out saying 'I am going to have to think long and hard about whether or not I want to continue this relationship!' I was devastated. There is another gentleman who is VERY interested in me and is constantly hitting on me. On Wednesday evening when I still hadn't heard back from my bf and this fellow asked again, I agreed to go to lunch with him Thursday. We had a few cocktails with lunch, and then afterwards went back to his place where he proceeded to 'Fuck my brains out', as they say. Of course when I got home there was a message from my bf apologizing about what happened and that he was just being stupid and that he did not want to lose me... EVER! We made plans for him to come over on the weekend to talk things over. I do not want to lose him either. I love him. So my question is this. Should I tell him what happened with the other guy? I don't want to cause another blow up, but I also don't want to hide it from him... Opinions??? TY Kat Thought of another question... Would anybody be interested in hearing more about the flirting at the restaurant and the activities that followed? |
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sounds like this guy is not open to sharing you at any price so wouldnt tell him unless you want trouble. Looks like you picked another vanilla guy to replace your hubby. If you really want more as you say in blogs there will be lots lining up to give you all you can take. The other option is to tell the b/f what you want and need and see where it takes you. Good luck pity you not in Uk, you wouldve had all and more than you could take 
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Unless you intend to see the new guy again (regularly), I would say nothing, Despite the history, your BF doesn't sound like one to take the news well and be happy sharing you. You were a bit quick off the mark with this other guy... are you sure of your feelings for the BF? Unless you are in an open relationship (and why not?) it sounds as if something other than the argument is wrong.
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1/28/2022 6:55 am |
Tell B/F no... more info on the flirting yes!
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1/28/2022 7:52 am |
Sounds like you prefer a poly relationship. Maybe feel him out if he is on board for a poly relationship. Also yes do tell love hearing the flirting and exhibition storyline
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To me I get the impression he has formed his own attachment to you and is too jealous when you flirt with others which as you mentioned you have always done. You may love him but may want to re-evaluate your relationship goals with him and how much you are willing to change being yourself. As for telling him I doubt it will help the relationship to tell him but if he finds out later it could mean a later blow up as you become more attached. I am married. Hubby is vanilla and unaware I fuck others or find others for the piss play I crave he has no interest in. I am sure if he ever finds out my relationship won’t survive it but for me it is worth it should it happen as could not live without what I crave any longer. You need to weigh in how you feel versus what you know will and won’t work for you in the long term. I do love and have feelings for my hubby but I have decided the risk is worth it. Also on telling him or not telling him is there any chance either of you could bump into this other guy again and it might come up and be an issue? Part of me says tell him and let him know that you had begun to believe he wasn’t coming back and this is what happened and see if he accepts it and accepts you as who you are but also that maybe you shouldn’t as may rock the relationship further than you want which goes back to any chance he could find out later question. The part of me that enjoys fucking others without my hubby’s knowledge says not to tell him and keep a little secret for yourself. Something else that crossed my mind since he conveniently left the message the same time this happened is there any chance he knows this guy and he could have wanted to test your loyalty or honesty with him? I have come accustomed to trying to think what my hubby might do if he ever became suspicious which is where this thought comes from.
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To me I get the impression he has formed his own attachment to you and is too jealous when you flirt with others which as you mentioned you have always done. You may love him but may want to re-evaluate your relationship goals with him and how much you are willing to change being yourself. As for telling him I doubt it will help the relationship to tell him but if he finds out later it could mean a later blow up as you become more attached. I am married. Hubby is vanilla and unaware I fuck others or find others for the piss play I crave he has no interest in. I am sure if he ever finds out my relationship won’t survive it but for me it is worth it should it happen as could not live without what I crave any longer. You need to weigh in how you feel versus what you know will and won’t work for you in the long term. I do love and have feelings for my hubby but I have decided the risk is worth it. Also on telling him or not telling him is there any chance either of you could bump into this other guy again and it might come up and be an issue? Part of me says tell him and let him know that you had begun to believe he wasn’t coming back and this is what happened and see if he accepts it and accepts you as who you are but also that maybe you shouldn’t as may rock the relationship further than you want which goes back to any chance he could find out later question. The part of me that enjoys fucking others without my hubby’s knowledge says not to tell him and keep a little secret for yourself. Something else that crossed my mind since he conveniently left the message the same time this happened is there any chance he knows this guy and he could have wanted to test your loyalty or honesty with him? I have come accustomed to trying to think what my hubby might do if he ever became suspicious which is where this thought comes from.
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1/28/2022 5:49 pm |
I'm only going to tell you about the lying part. The rest you can figure out. Sometimes it's best to lie. Lying is really part of your defenses. Without it you're vulnerable, naked and defenseless. If a woman asks me if this dress makes her ass look fat. Do you think I'm going to say fuck yea, You got big ass. Watch Casablanca. It's littered with examples where lying is noble. I'm not saying become a pathological lier. I'm saying sometimes it's best not to be entirely truthful. Don't mention that man unless you really want trouble. Whatever you tell him can't be taken back. Think about that. How would you react if he said, " baby I just fucked this woman and its the best piece of ass I've ever had and I'm going to continue to fuck her when I can". Having you go fuck this other guy demonstrates that you don't have a very strong relationship with your bf. I think you have some soul searching to do. I'm not going to judge you, but I think you should consider where you want your current relationship to go, and I'f it's the right one for you. I've has quite abit of psychology but no one can give you the short answer. This is something that requires a lot of time and discussion. Too bad we aren't aquatinted, but then, you may not like what I have to say. I'm honest and strait forward. A lot of people don't like that.
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Tell him. If he can work through it and except a Polly situation. If not you work from there. Truth is always the best. Secrets always get discovered and blow up a ugly Uncomfortable situation that is difficult to work through.
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show bf this post. Seems he should take it or leave, it being you as you are... andy
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1/31/2022 8:26 am |
update: TBH I hadn't decided whether or not to tell him so I decided to wait until I knew for sure. (Yes I am an excellent procrastinator). We ended up having another big argument and I decided I'd had enough. He moved his stuff out that he kept here so I guess it's official. and BTW I do not think I will see the guy that I 'cheated' with again... Taking some time to decide what is best for me. TY for all your advice and opinions. It was truly appreciated. LOVE you all!!!
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That is probably the best thing to do in this situation and decide who you are and what you want in life as if you enjoyed the poly relationship you may want to plan to look for someone else interested in such so it can continue. I know if my hubby and I ever split any future relationship will have to be a poly/open one as I accepted he right to fuck others as much as I submit myself to do now only in my case currently without hubby’s knowledge. As for seeing the guy you cheated with goes as you put it keep in mind boyfriend stormed out and gave you no idea if coming back so wouldn’t view it as cheating personally but everyone’s opinion can and may differ there. Decide what kind of lifestyle you want to continue with in your future. I am always happy to give my opinion especially since I can be honest on here where my everyday life that isn’t always possible.
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Always good to get updates on these type posts. Well, it probably worked out how it was going to eventually, it seems. You’re in a good spot, you can take your time and regroup and work through your thoughts….and yeah, if you get that irresistible craving for cock, you can always play with the new ‘cheat’ guy…as long as he knows you’re in reevaluation mode and just needed a distraction and not to get attached.
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I have read the blogs before but this is the first time I have responded. I just felt compelled. I am a retired attorney and I have dealt with so many situations over the years. It is NEVER a good idea to lie to him (or anyone else). I am proud to say I never lie. If my slave asks me questions that I don't want to answer, I don't. She understands. It sounds like you are done with this guy, whether today or next week or next month. You haven't built a solid foundation for an honest relationship. We enjoy a swinger's club locally where you go to chill and maybe play. When you enter a private room and leave the door open, that's an invitation to the studs who want an easy piece. You want to pull a train, I can help. You want to expose yourself to the world, it's better at 85 degrees than 20. We are always looking for new friends if you would be interested. We are in the Tampa, Florida area. Great weed and bad advice always available. Daddy Jack
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Here's the thing. The circumstances in which you met your "bf" should have given him a little incite as to your nature. You had been completely honest. On the other hand he was OK with sharing you while he was the 2nd. But once moves to primary position now also wants to be sole beneficiary. In essence changing the rules of engagement. Its the same thing when a female gets with a bad boy and then wants him to settle down and be nice. We can't change other people. And really why would we want to change the aspects that attracted us in the first place? If I leave my steak on the floor with my dog and go to work should I expect it to still be there? Only a fool would on both accounts. Your conscious should be clear.
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All the women I confided in when I worked said to never tell her of my cheating....it will only hurt her. Just don't stay with someone you need to cheat on to get satisfaction.......
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Technically the two of you were on a "break", so it's really none of his business. Telling him might clear your conscience, but it won't make him feel any better about your relationship, so what's the point? If the "fling" was a one time thing and you have no feelings for the other guy, leave it there. If it isn't, you need to decide which of the two you really want. Because it sounds like the bf won't be into sharing. And yes, do tell about the flirting in the restaurant!
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I do not think you need to volunteer information. but, if he asks you directly, I would just say that you have had sexual relationships with other and that his attentions are not satisfying your needs. But, you may want to evaluate your relationship with him in the first place. Perhaps you can find a guy like your husband who was open to you having outside sexual relationships which give you fulfillment. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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