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The best way to make a girl feel comfortable is to demand her address after laying your creep fantas Yep. The best way to make a girl feel comfortable is to demand her address after laying your creep fantasy at her doorstep like a half-murdered mouse. I hadn’t prepared myself for the objectification because the recipe theme had lulled me into a sense of security. I found the message oddly disturbing. Funny how that happens. Spend seven years reading sexual messages, and you’ll develop a talent for stoicism, but then one of them will sneak in and swallow you. You get rather good at receiving rapey messages on Fetlife. You build stronger walls. You identify creepers before you open the message. You prepare yourself before you read and make sure you keep your vulnerability in a cage with your sense of security. Somewhere along the line, though, you forget you’re entitled to baseline respect. Wank fodder messages are so common that they become a part of the landscape. If you’re not careful, you’ll start seeing yourself as a sexual object—not in conscious ways, of course, but the belief will roam around in your subconscious kicking over all the furniture. If you’re a woman, you’ve got to work hard to create a comfortable space for yourself on the site, especially if you have sexual trauma in your history. And one in five of us have been . Most of us have experienced other kinds of sexual trauma. We’ve been flashed, assaulted, coerced, and violated. You might think your creepy messages aren’t a big deal, but if we drop our wall at the wrong time, they can become legitimate triggers. If this morning’s creeper had read a post like this, he’d probably nod along with me thinking he was not like Those Guys™. Funny how that happens. You’re going to tell me if I can’t stand the heat, I should get off of the website. I should tighten up my inbox filter and just be quiet, but do you know how we got that filter? A developer who wasn’t on the Fetlife team got tired of reading posts like this one. He developed a TamperMonkey script as a giant “shush” to Fetlife’s women. Baku learned about the script and gave us our on-site filter that day, but the initial filter wasn’t developed quite so considerately. I hear you. We complain a lot. We get tiresome. We should just go touch grass, but there is a stubborn feminist inside me who refuses to be ousted. She insists she has a right to consensual interactions. Tightening up my filter doesn’t just keep dudebros out. It keeps everyone else out as well. I don’t think I should have to make that sacrifice, so I rarely do. The trouble with sexual violence is that it repeats on you. No matter how thoroughly you recover, you will experience the rare trigger. That never really goes away, but I’m holding my ground. Creepers should change. Their targets shouldn’t have to change. We are not at fault. Do I sound angry? That’s because I am. I have a right to this anger because it’s justified. It's also a sign of my burgeoning self-esteem. Am I complaining too much? That’s because there are too many of you to ignore. Do I take a lot of potshots at men? Maybe, but that's a response to the daily potshots they take at women. Do I seem broken? Perhaps I am somewhat, but I plant the blame firmly on predatory shoulders. Do better. |
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Dear Shila, as a male and a dominant, I agree totally with you. There are far too many Sharks and Rogues and keyboard warriors who think that because you are here or on Fet or wherever, they can make demands and you are expected to jump. Well girl, I say plant your feet and thumb your nose at these flogbags. Shila, I presume you are sub, and I know I am dominant, but that does NOT mean I have the right to make demands of you. It means we are 2 kinky people who share an interest in kink and BDSM, and it also means you are to be treated with manners and respect, just as if we were meeting in a library, cafe or a bar for the first time, and we discuss things to see if there is the hint of a connection, just like NORMAL people do. The quicker these fools realise this, the better it will be for all those subs of either gender who are looking for someone to gift their submission to and serve. Oh and Shila, you hang in there girl and don't let these cretins go anywhere near your self esteem. I love your very dry sense of humour as well girl, even if it was intertwined with anger. Take care dear lady, and don't let the bastards beat you.
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Your anger is completely justified. Unfortunately there is a large amount of males on here who assume that what maybe a turnon for a handful of females in the world is true for the other 99.999... %, too. And many more going with the basic assumption that if a woman logs on here she is willing to open her thighs for anyone who calles himself a male. The only thing which can be done is to reiterate again and again that this is assumption is fundamentally wrong. Although i have to admit what makes me shudder even more are the pedophiles whose first question is 'do you have kids?' With all the new possibilities the internet has brought us, it has created as many murky corners where those people can hide and pursue their criminal intentions.
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9/30/2023 10:42 pm |
thanks for your understanding
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