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Flirting with Masochism.... Is it possible become more masochistic over time? I know we all grow and change in this Lifestyle and limits are meant be pushed, and we probably all have stories about things that earlier in our kink career that were taboo, but now we have tried them and even enjoy them. When I came back to Alt after a long absence it was just to blog, to try to get back in touch, or deeper in touch with my submissive side, maybe make some friends, have a laugh or too. Grow in who I am as a submissive, and maybe learn a few things. So lately I have found my fantasy’s becoming much more………..dar I don’t want say violent, but they kind of are. I fantasize about being hurt, (not harmed mind you), but hurt in a way that I never imagined I would. That sweet sting of pain. I crave it in my fantasies at least. Now that’s obviously way different from experiencing it in reality. It may happen and I’ll be like, oh, no, please Sir, ooowwww, that really fucking hurts, oh my God, oh my God, and then realize that nope-I was right before; not a maso. Do you think one’s tolerance grows the longer you are subjected to it? Does it depend on your mood? The implement? The intention? I’m not looking for a Dom, but I really am craving a safe space to experiment with the idea of this. |
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curiously rayne
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It may be, but it may be your build up tolerance and seek more intensity or your skin & brain crave the sensations more and more. like an addition to pain as pleasure. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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This happens to me all the time... 
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Sometimes fantasies are just that....But it's easy enough to test the theory....
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1/14/2021 2:43 pm |
Of course it is possible. Human beings can and often do change overtime. As lala2370 said sometimes fantasies are just that. I would add they often pint to a psychological substructure that may be deficient.
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It may hurt. . . but until you try it you just won't know . . if it hurts a little. . or a lot . . .or even . . FFS that REALLY hurts. . . Try it . . and see. . . you can always back off if you don't enjoy it xx
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nicely written
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I can see the appeal of a little s&M, but have never understood the appeal of hurting somebody/being hurt by somebody such that it takes days to recover. I would never wish to be on either end of that scenario. However, it is probably healthy to explore your fantasies (withi reason) so long as your partner can be completely trusted to understand when a limit is being reached. I always wondered if I would be capable of inflicting erotic pain on a women, if that is what she wanted. I'm sure I could be persuaded to "gentle" pain, but could I really hurt a woman that wanted it? No, I very much doubt that I could. My own hard limit, if you like!
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That looks like an interesting journey. I am always exploring how and where I want to go in this lifestyle, too, so maybe that's not unusual. And, as everyone else said: Try it, but play it safe. Maybe you try some self-inflicted pain first. Light Wax play or stuff might be possible to try on your own. Yes, it is not the same, but it might give you an idea if it turns you on or only hurts.... When you come to a fork in the road, take it. __Yogi Berra
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As a general principle, I think every practice in the lifestyle tends to move toward the outer limits. It's experimentation. It's probably partly a matter of curiosity, wanting to see if your enjoyment or satisfaction will increase as you try things you once considered off limits. In some people I think it may even approach boredom, a need for newer thrills, to see if hanging those really heavy weights on your nipples or your pussy lips or your cock really gives you a charge. It's largely psychological.
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Play with yourself in regards to pain first softrayne and see how you react, observe your body. Then if the desire/fantasy is still there, then find a play partner that you can trust establish limits, boundaries and safe word. Go light and see how you respond. You may like it and you many not but you will find out where that fantasy/desire is coming from 
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1/14/2021 7:31 pm |
Perhaps you should talk to someone that's experienced with a masochistic women, and just have a conversation about it. I would say what you have experienced is endorphins being produced and binding to the u-opioid receptors. The primary function is to inhibit the communication of pain stimulus to the nerves. A secondary effect is feelings of euphoria. Im really not up to date with biochemistry and endocrinology. Choose your partner carefully. It's not as simple as giving someone an ass beating. You want someone thats going to be in tune with you, and understands what you're experiencing.
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1/14/2021 9:35 pm |
kinks escalate over time... fact
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This style is one of permanent and progressive exploration, if we are left with only some practices we would fall into monotony, always within SSC obviously, and both one role and the other can always say this is not my thing ... When you are before the one, let go of your wings ...
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Laughing very hard at this -  "I fantasize about being hurt, (not harmed mind you), but hurt in a way that I never imagined I would. That sweet sting of pain. I crave it in my fantasies at least. Now that’s obviously way different from experiencing it in reality. It may happen and I’ll be like, oh, no, please Sir, ooowwww, that really fucking hurts, oh my God, oh my God, and then realize that nope-I was right before; not a maso." The thing to remember with everything we do in this life is that it all happens to degrees. Degrees of pain, degrees of humiliation, degrees of degradation, and so on. So for you members who like me, who have been around for quite a while, you see that your partners want their limits and boundaries pushed, and we know this because of the honest and open communication we have with them. And this all happens over time, it's not something that happens within the first 3 months of a dynamic having been established. This is encouraged because of the trust we have in each other, and the respect for your partner, and them knowing what they want to experience. As a dominant, I HAVE TO be inside the head of my submissive.  I have to know her better than she knows herself, and unless I do, how can I ensure she gets what she needs and desires from the relationship. She gifted herself to me, and I have, as a result of that gift, been charged with giving her what she needs to have for contentment. Part of that is a SAFE and SEC:URE place to be when she wants and needs to let go and have that 'ugly cry', to give her aftercare because I am responsible for her well-being, and to ALWAYS be approachable for whatever she wants to talk about. A further point to remember is NEVER be judgmental.  Now ALL of this is GROWTH, growth as an individual, and growth as a couple. Growth can never be stifled, it has to be encouraged and nurtured, and must be continuous, not stop after being together for just a year or 2. Stifled growth is what happens in most vanilla relationships, and this causes those relationships to wither and die like fruit on a vine. It is what causes partners to start looking outside of the relationship for something. Now for me, I started in the Swinging scene back in my mid 20s and naturally evolved and grew into the BDSM world because of those partners who were looking for something extra, because 'just swinging' wasn't doing it for them. So I have been kinky for about 40 years. I think it was about 5 years into kink that I experienced my first 'ugly cry'. I started out as a 'Root Rat' and grew into a NoNonsense but caring dominant. What you have read above is the world according to me, as I HAVE SEEN IT. I am not saying it is right but it has been right for me and my partners. I have learned that dispensing some harsh treatment is hard, but it was done because my partner wanted/needed it. So if YOU have that connection with your partner, you will do what is needed, and this is growth. GROW TOGETHER!  So dear Rayne, if ever you want to try that harsher treatment, let me know dear lady and we will see what can be arranged 
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I know in my instance the slight pain would bring out a stronger desire due to the release of endorphins so that there was an even deeper craving. My relationship with the dominant always dictated the levels I was able to bear.....a direct correlation between safe and devoted.
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Being a masochist and having dark desires is not the same. You may have really dark desires and do not like the pain, and vice versa. As the real pain could have a limit, in your imagination you decide what is a pleasure and what is not. Sometime playing on the edge is a real turn on but may be you are not interested to know how it goes in RL. But the darkness strongly attires your mind, and the more you walk in it, the more you need to discover.
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It's good to live out fantasies, the achievable ones. Howling at the moon and mal ad osteo.
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What can I say. As a Dom I enjoy being primal, at the same time I know I must hold it in check. So yes, it depends in part upon the relationship between the Dom and Sub. I know of some subs who will really crave deeper pain at times, as it will help ground them. Other times all she needs is a sensual touch. It is also conditioning, we all retain to some degrees that pain is hurtful, and that their is fear associated with it. It takes the mind a while to let go of that, or at least thats what happened to me as I was learning martial arts. So yes, the relationship and ever deepening trust between The Dom/me and submissive.
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7/30/2022 8:03 am |
Good question. See what your limits are. Set a benchmark.
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