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What’s the rush? Ok so I know are probably as many different definitions of what a “good” Dom is, as are Doms and subs. Everyone is looking for something different in their D/s relationship. I think we could all agree though, that a good Dom is patient, and understanding, calm and smart. Supportive and curious. So in my experience on Alt, this time, last time and the time before that I don’t think I’ve ever had (what I consider) a “good” Dom, ask me for a photo, ask me to IM, ask me for a phone number, ask me to them in the first 2 emails, asked for a meet up, even asked me for my . Now they’ve gotten all those things and more because I wanted communicate further. In fact, their “reticence” if you will, made my desire speak with them more……oohhh light bulb moment for rayne…you guys do that on purpose don’t you?!?!? And not that I expect or want standoffishness once we start talking, but that small step of letting me take the lead in the beginning is awesome. Every “good” Dom knows it takes time build up the level of trust required for a quality D/s relationship. Hell, even if one is just looking for casual playtime, you are still putting your safety in another persons’ hands. How can I be naked and bound before you if I don’t even know random things like if you have siblings? Do you like tomatoes? How long was your previous D/s relationship? Shouldn’t you know a bit more about them than just what their profile provides? By allowing me to develop the relationship at a pace I’m comfortable with it allows a kernel of trust to take root. Why does everything have to happen so fast? I know we live in a digital age and every thing is now, now, now!! And believe me, I am the LAST person to preach patience, as to once I’ve started talking with someone, I usually want more sooner than later, but even sooner is later than most seem to want. What happened to friendship? What happened to long, rambling emails filled with random stuff? What happened to quick, hey I heard this joke today emails? I’m old. And old school. Stop rushing me! |
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patient/not patient rayne
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1/20/2021 1:02 pm |
I'd say you're certainly onto something. I've been communicating with my potential slave for over 18 months. Of course, Covid has ensured we take our time regardless. I always caution the younger subs I've spoken to about the Doms who attempt to apply high pressure sales techniques. Trust takes time. Communication takes time. If you want something worthwhile, it takes time...
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1/20/2021 2:13 pm |
I never ask for a picture or her phone number. When she is ready. She will give it to me. I've even told a few people don't give me or anyone your phone number until you're absolutely sure. I know... that I've never been... "convicted ", but you don't. You just stay sensible and things will work out the way they are suppose to. Rick
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rayne A great post! I totally agree - a relationship needs time and work May I also venture - a sub should not be in a hurry either! I also tell anyone interested to read my blog! That is an excellent filter too  A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw Jenny
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I have long maintained that the submissive chooses the dominant she (or he as the may maybe). They should "vet" the dominant with her method of questioning, to not reveal her needs, desires, preferences, limits etc. She should elicit the prospective dominant's ideas, preferences, experience, observations, limits, and so forth. They should learn about how this prospective partner is in the day to day shall we say vanilla aspects of life. In fact, I urge submissives to explore this part of a dominants personality and way of being before then engage in discussion about sex or other kinky including BDSM type interaction. This is specially true if one expects to develop a long term relationship. Dominants can certainly approach a submissive to engage at any level, but they should do respectfully, to be honest, to not be crude, rude or crass and not harass a submissive should they reject their advances.He should respect her choice to not engage in activities or even conversations if she tells him or, not interested and so forth they need to respect the parameters of the submissive's decline. To me, the submissive retains the right of First Refusal, until such time they agrees to any given dominants expectations in submission. "One Big Sky Covers Us All Equally"
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In your personal case, "Value yourself" if you need time, take it, a Dom must know how to respect the times and distinguish with whom he deals, personally I do not like easy prey ... I have been debating this in other groups, today most people live in a different tune at a different rate and that is also reflected in the relationships and interactions of men and women, in sex and obviously also in our alternative style. . This creates a dispute with the old school, with the protocols, with the respect, the good sense, and they squander the bases that it took so much time and work to establish ... The romantics against the pseudos, in short, a lot of confrontations of ways of seeing things and the consensus of the two realities is left aside ... At least that's how I see it. At times I cannot distinguish if I am the crazy person or those around me ... catharsis a psychologist please ...
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People just want to have a quicky and not invest time in the real thing, if a younger dom is not a bother, would like to be friends. Thanks for viewing
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2/26/2021 2:05 am |
The modern world is filled with instant gratification; it's made everyone run about in such a darn rush! I was raised in the old world, matured into the digital era so, I can appreciate the difference, can imagine the mailman was a lot more nerve-wracking at times 
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