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Suffering in Silence There is no rule that says while I’m waiting for my One, that chastity becomes me. No rule, that says I can’t go and have a little fun. I am an, of age, uncollared, female submissive. I can fuck or play with whomever I choose. I choose not to. I wish I was the type of woman who believed in random sex, and nsa D/s play. I’m not. If that makes me a prude, so be it. I think having standards is good. Unless one’s standards are too ? Unless one’s standards are keeping you from fulfilment? Unless one’s standards are keeping you alone? I struggle with that. Is there a middle ground? If so, I haven’t found it. I know a big part of this Lifestyle is reveling in one’s sexuality, in whatever form that may take. And I want that, I need that. I just don’t think I can go there with casual play. Yes, it would take the edge off I’m sure, but it would ultimately be unfulfilling for me. Orgasms notwithstanding, and even then…….. And I’m not talking about just being horny, although that is part of it. I’m talking about that ache in your soul. The most fervent wish of your heart. The throbbing. The itch you can’t quite reach. The tightness in your chest that feels like it is never going to come undone. The way you feel weak for not being able to control this. The tears that come unbidden at night, or even leak out during the . The need to have someone’s strong arms around you. I have all of that, and none of that. So, I sit. And I suffer. In silence. |
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Is this fucking thing on now?
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6/7/2021 8:55 pm |
I dont know if its on or not ..I'm trying to order a pizza. I'm not interested in just playing either. I need a relationship. Unfortunately my last interactions have been less than satisfactory. They certainly didn't meet expectations. I won't play unless I have a connection with someone. I expect loyalty, and someone to stay true to their word. I don't mind forgiving someone if they tell me they are going to change their behavior, but there are only so many opportunities I will give. I don't cut people out of my life. They cut themselves out.
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I hear you, I hear you loud and clear. I know the feelings well
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It has always been thus for me,too. Casual sex was unfulfilling. Not that there ever was a lot of it. Turn inward, and work diligently to improve and expand daily. The universe WILL reward you.
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you are not alone in your suffering. I waited for years to rescued from my life of loneliness. when it finally happened I knew real joy for the first time in my life. when she became my Mistress i was in ecstasy. now the universe has taken her away and plunged me back into the life of loneliness. it seems pain and suffering are my lot in life.
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Suffer/satisfaction are so intimately linked. I think, Rayne, that you are illustrating it so well. It is for sure a pleasurable road you are walking on...
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You are so very welcome Feelme. Sometimes, the least expected series of words awakes the deep and hidden fire in us all...and creativity and inspiration will naturally follow!
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in one way or another, many of us are seeking, and as we seek, we suffer in silence.
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It is a struggle. I have met some that think because they are offering themselves I should just be happy and go along. Bin there, it never works.
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