On Loss
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Posted:Feb 10, 2019 4:09 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 2868 Views
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My older sister died last Sunday.
It was...unexpected to say the least, and as she was only four years older than me, makes it all the more tragic. She was a diabetic like me, however, she has had a rougher time of it with a lot of hospital stays, surgery, and the like. My oldest sister perhaps took it the hardest, as she lived nearby and they were best friends as well as sisters.
It makes you think.
Weep.
Rage.
Anger.
Fury.
She is gone. And nothing will bring her back.
All we can do is pick up and move on, remember her for who she was. Live each day. Take joy in what happens.
I loved my sister. She was the one I was closest to. She was a friend and someone to talk to. To share mutual interests in books, and movies, and anime...
She lived her life apologetically and unafraid despite what life handed her.
I miss her and morn her. And she will always be never far from my heart.
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Failure to read is no excuse
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Posted:Jan 31, 2019 7:31 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 2699 Views
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I have been getting a lot of hits and emails from female subs lately. This is a bit annoying since I am not a Dom, and I even posted in my status line that I am a sub, not a Dom. If a sub can't read and understand a profile how are they going to find a Dom/Domme? All it tells me is that the person isn't very serious and thinks this is a game, or that by flashing some skin they will get what they want. Hey, I understand that there may be those out there that this is their kink, fine with that, but I get annoyed when said people are emailing me what good subs they are and they want to serve me. If you want to talk and ask advice, that is fine, but don't just email me saying you are looking for a .
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Musings and Regrets
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Posted:Dec 21, 2018 12:09 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 2658 Views
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I sit here in the dim light of my dwelling, nursing a cold. While missing work is a bit bothersome, I find myself alone with thoughts and contemplation. Even now I sometimes second guess myself in regards to my Mistress leaving the lifestyle. I know she had her own path, her own issues she had to deal with, but it is bittersweet because I thought our relationship wasn't just a Domme/Sub one. I think it may be the time of year that causes me to reflect on this past year, the up and downs, and the future that might have been. I do feel a bit of regret in this. A bright possibility shattered, wondering if somehow I was to blame. Even 'it's not you it's me' seems to ring hollow. So I sit and reflect. Perhaps the new year will bring new beginnings. I do not know. I can only deal with the here and now. It becomes tiresome at times to search out that special someone. Even dealing with scammers and fakes can be amusing, but I feel annoyed that I keep getting hit on by other subs. But, I will keep looking and searching. I found a real Domme on Alt before, and I know they are out there. I guess I will just have to be a bit more persistent. Not to mention patient. ;
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Following though
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Posted:Nov 22, 2018 1:43 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 2684 Views
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A bit of a rant. I get annoyed when people tell me something but never follow through or keep their word. If you make a commitment or a promise, , keep it. If you say you are going to do something, do it. It doesn't matter if you are sub or Dom, trust is so much a key component of the lifestyle, and an erosion of that trust hurts everyone. I try to never make a promise or say I will do something when I know I might not be able to, and I will explain why. I am getting very tired of talking to people who promise the world, or say they are going to do something, but fail to follow through and give excuses. If I am serving a Domme I would full expect punishment if I fail a task, but I know we will discuss the issues at hand and resolve the problem together.
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Going the distance
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Posted:Sep 24, 2018 2:23 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 3950 Views
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This is not so much a reference to time as much as how far would one be willing to travel to meet that special someone.
Where I live, there seems to be a lack of Dommes looking for a LT/FLR. I had thought I found someone near by, and things were looking quite serious, but she back out of the lifestyle altogether in a rather sudden fashion that left my head spinning. I do admit to some anger and frustration over that relationship, but I do not hold it against her. She made a choice, and we both have had to live the consequences.
But, my thoughts thus far on on looking for a new relationship. As a submissive, I do not like being on my own, I would prefer to be in the service of another. Of course, most of the matches that I have found on Alt are some distance away. I have no issue with a long distance relationship to start, nor do I have an issue with travel or paying for travel. Some Dommes prefer local subs, and I do understand that as well. But to be written off because of distance is a bit shortsighted I think.
I've traveled half way around the world to be with a woman before, traveling a few hours is not that difficult. It just requires more planning, and unfortunately less spontaneity. I could be completely deluding myself. I do feel I have a great deal to offer to a Domme, both as a submissive and as a potential LTR.
Perhaps I am just rambling, but I do know what I want. I know what I need. She is out there, and I just have to keep looking and searching...
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When did it change?
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Posted:Apr 3, 2018 9:59 am
Last Updated:May 9, 2024 11:35 pm 5115 Views
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Ever since I was little I knew I was a bit different. Little things, mind you, but I was more inclined to listen to a dominant woman than I was anyone else. I wasn't sure at first what I was feeling, but the occasional glances at magazines in porn shops gave a name to what I wanted. What I desired. In the early days of the internet, when AOL reigned, I joined a BBS call 'Lifestyles', and it was there in the chatrooms and forums that I fully delved into BDSM and was accepted for training by my first Mistress. I learned and grew, found out my likes and dislikes, traveled to many cities to submit, attended the Black Rose convention, and finally suffering my first taste of failure and regret when I had a fellow sub plant doubts and fears into my head. I withdrew from the active lifestyle for a time after that and tried the vanilla life. Two failed marriages taught me that I would not find peace in the vanilla world. I may wear the mask in public, but beneath is an entirely different set of clothing.
After taking care of both parents and seeing off to their final rest I turned back to the lifestyle. When did everything change? Why is it there are so many fakes and scammers nowadays. I admit I was scammed when I first came back to the active lifestyle, the innocence and naivete have been replaced by a more pragmatic view. It is something I dislike to do, having to check each and every contact. I am a lot more cautious now in communications, and it bothers me.
When did it get so bad?
When did it change?
But I still move forward, looking for my Better Half. Maybe in time I will find Her, and until then I will keep looking.
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