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What is service? What is service? What do you mean when you offer to serve? What do you mean when you offer to BE of service? What do mean when you offer yourself in servitude? Do the answers to these questions bring up visions of you being bound helplessly while being exquisitely tortured, teased to the verge of orgasm? Do you envision some Amazon Goddess sporting a huge strap-on taking you anally? Do you envision yourself prancing around in some French Maid Costume and being asked to provide oral service to a Mistress? Do you envision some woman sqatting over your helplessly bound body "forcing" you to serve her orally? Or do you envision being put over her knee and spanked like a naughty little boy? Yes, nice visions aren't they? However, not one of those visions is the definition of "serve", "service" or "servitude". Oh, I'm sure many subs consider them to be just that, but if you check your dictionaries you won't find any mention of French Maid Costumes, bondage, strap-ons, oral sex, or any other fetish you may enjoy. In fact you won't find any mention of fetishes at all in the definitions • Serve is defined as: 1. to work for, be a servant; 2. to act in a specific capacity; 3. to place food before, wait on; 4. to be of assistance to. • Service is defined as: 1. the occupation or duties of a servant; 2. the act or means of serving; 3. duties performed as an occupation. • Servitude is defined as: Submission to a master; slavery. When you offer to serve a FemDom, what you are offering (or should be offering) is the surrender of your control. You should know her well enough to trust her with your life. When you offer your servitude to her, you are telling her that you trust her judgment, you trust her to keep you safe from harm, you trust her to know what is best for both of you, you trust her decisions and desire to follow her orders and obey her in all things. Your offer of service is your ability to let go of your ego and your free will (control) and allow her to control you. Serving is, first and foremost, the act of making her life easier. It is compliance with all her desires, wishes, orders. Yes, BD/SM and fetish play, more than likely, will be included as part of the relationship. But overall, the D/s aspect of the relationship will be where you have turned your control over to her and you do as she says. It is about pampering her and catering to her. Everyday life will be a part of this, for most people do have to work, bills do have to be paid, people need to see doctors occasionally, and dentists. Then there are family get togethers, family emergencies, social gatherings with vanilla friends and also with D/s friends. For the most part, life will seem pretty vanilla, but there will be one difference. IF you have truly submitted, then your actions will be measured by how your Mistress would feel about it. Your decisions will be based upon what you are allowed, or not allowed to decide without her permission. You will treat others with respect, but especially other women. You will consider that your actions would reflect back upon your Mistress, and therefore act in a manner that would make her proud of you. There may be other constant reminders, she may insist you wear panties under your clothes at work. But you will always remember that you have submitted to her and will honor that commitment. How can you serve your Mistress - what are the ways? Here are some suggestions: -Make sure her home is clean and neat. -Make sure her clothes are clean and neat. -Prepare her favorite foods for her. -Prepare her bath. -Rub her feet after she comes in from working all day. -Offer her a massage if her day was very stressful. -Offer to do her manicure and pedicure. -Have her favorite music playing or find her favorite show or movie on TV. -Surprise her with flowers. -Serve her coffee as soon as she gets up in the morning. These are just a few of the ways you can serve her once you have been trained in what she wants and likes. Don't be afraid to use your imagination to surprise her (provided of course that she has no problem with you doing this occasionally). A happy, contented, pleased, relaxed woman is a woman who will then have no problem torturing you, using you, or even indulging you with a fetish or two that are your favorites…………just to show you how much she really appreciates your service and submission to her. So, what are you offering? Personal service only (oral, massage, bathing)? Play sessions only (spankings, facesitting, strap-on, whippings, cbt)? Domestic service only (household chores, errands)? OR are offering the whole package? These are the things you need to be clear about in your own mind first and foremost before approaching a Mistress and offering to "serve" her. Along with how committed you wish to be to the D/s relationship, if at all.  |
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10/20/2006 6:18 pm |
Finally, in the wasteland of self-absorption, games playing and insanely extreme rationalization that comprises the internet.... someone actually looked in a dictionary. There are actually THREE words that are abused more often than they're not on Alt... The first of which being, "love". But that is of course abused in all settings when talking of relationships of all stripes, and is a bit beyond the scope of a 'lil 'ol reply to a blog. The second is (bravo), "service". Of course it's not just misused by subs and "slaves". For three years i've had an Alt profile which specifically addresses this very point. i.e., (in a nutshell), as a slave i simply HAVE no list of particulars that a Woman must meet in order for me to be interested. Dominance is what i admire and am drawn to and made for. And for anyone who's that way then INHERENTLY there can be no list of requirements or limits and so forth. Inherently, nobody knows what any particular Mistress wants than the Mistress Herself. So no slave can tell Her what She should and shouldn't do. She is the worlds leading expert on what She wants. So if a man claims to be a slave and that he needs to serve a Woman then there's inherently nothing more to discuss. There is only listening, training and obeying. There's virtually no grey area. he either offers the whole package, or else he's not a slave and not interested in serving at all. And he either brings no requirements list, or else he's not a slave and not interested in serving at all. One Woman will be sexually insatiable while another is completely disinterested. One Woman will want the world to see She owns Her slave while another will want that to be hidden from everyone. One Woman won't feel a slave is sincere and devoted unless he'll endure pain while another can't imagine how any Domme could want to torture anyone. One Woman will love dressing up while another prefers sweatclothes. One Woman will want to work a slave all the time while another could care less about it. Etc., et cetera, and still more ceteras. Every Woman a unique combination of wishes and needs. And no slave is going to be perfectly suited right out of the box for any one. So to serve is only to listen and learn and obey. Now a Woman may SETTLE for less. Maybe... sure, he dosn't do windows and he requires this fetish I don't like... but he's so rich and/or handsome and/or hung and/or fun, or whatever, that i want him anyway. But if so then it's not really a literal/true Mistress/slave relationship in which She owns him and he exists to serve her. In that case it starts becoming more a vanilla relationship that just may or may not happen to also include some elements of play. In the old days this all seemed to be just inherently obvious to almost everyone. Today it's just surprising and refreshing to hear someone stand up and mention the obvious. i think the only area where it takes a turn for the more subtle or complicated is just in the THIRD of the grossly misused words, which is, "slave". And it, too, is misused across the board, by "dommes" and "slaves" alike. But a slave is not a vanilla man with some fetishes. And a slave is not a sub on steroids. A slave is, to quote Websters, a person held in servitude as the chattel of another... one that is completely subserviant to a dominating influence. And therin lies the yin and yang of it, or the spider and fly, or the cat and mouse, etc. Every relationship has it. The meeting and joining and complimenting of two people into one. The differences are only in the particulars. Is it 50/50, or 0/100... vanilla or Dominant/submissive, etc. In the case of a Mistress/slave relationship, one can't fully define service without mentioning slavery, and one can't define slavery without mentioning subserviance. And so... WHO is subserviant? A sub? No. Subs have lists/agendas. A vanilla person? No. vanilla people see 50/50 as a magic number. Who has no lists and dosn't care WHAT is done as long as it's what SHE wants? A slave. But few go by the dictionary. At best, most only cherry pick PART of the definition of a slave for themselves. And it just depends who You talk to as to which part that is, and which part(s) get conveniently ignored. Many slaves AND Mistresses like to ignore "held as chattel". That seems to be too harsh for many, on either side. As for the other parts... if you hear someone defining "slave" while neglecting an accurate definition of servitude then you are talking to a slave, while if you hear someone defining "slave" while ignoring that subserviance is felt towards a dominating influence then you are talking to a Mistress. Many men who CALL themselves slaves simply do not like the subserviance aspect. They have a list of what THEY want. But forgetting about that list and devoting themselves only to serving HER list is niether a need nor a want. Likewise, many Women who CALL themselves Dommes or Mistresses have a love of being served but a surprising and ironic LACK of interest in controlling and dominating a man. And so these things become exorcised from the definition of what a SLAVE actually IS, and become relegated to being described with terms such as "fetish" and "play" and so forth. Even though THE VERY DEFINITION of what a slave actually IS includes that it is controlled and dominated, if a man truly and sincerely IS a born slave he will more often than not actually be CRITICISED for that. It will be labled as selfish and superficial lusts for "play". And so it goes. "slaves" who do NOT have a deep inborn need to be subserviant to an Owner go on lamenting that they keep finding only Women who only want Their OWN wants and needs served, and aren't interested in (insert fetish here). While "Dommes" who do NOT get any pleasure or satisfaction out of actually dominating a man lament how they keep finding men who are not genuinely slaves and not genuinely subserviant to them. Ultimately, it's called a D/s relationship for a REASON. And the reasons are simply right in the dictionary under "serve" and "slave". A Woman may well love being served. But if She dosn't also enjoy dominating a man, and feels it, instead, to be unpleasant "play" rather than part of Her OWN list of wants and needs, then She is simply, inherently and undeniably NOT seeking a D/s relationship. In that case She's seeking an *s* relationship. And in that case She will always be disatisfied with the truness and totality of the s She is finding from men, because true and total subserviance is found in SLAVES. And SLAVES, by definition, are held as property and dominated. And a man may well love being play dominated. But if he dosn't also feel the need to truly and totally and unconditionally serve then he's simply, inherently and undeniably NOT seeking a D/s relationship. In that case he's seeking a *D* relationship.
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Thanks for posting!
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Hello pretty lady, lets chat and see what happens. I like hot chat and I will meet and play. I am a switch but prefer to be a sub for a dom female. I chat on yaho as slutrobert
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robertfunlover, I am not looking for a switch or "hot" chat with you. I'm looking for a true sub who understands what service is and who is not a 'do me' sub or switch.
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12/27/2006 8:22 pm |
Thank you so much for posting this. Clarity is an amazing thing. Well said.
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2/10/2008 10:52 am |
Some very interesting thoughts. I have contacted you about serving in the past but alas you have not responded!
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3/24/2008 10:48 am |
Great post, i think i may direct many a man to this when he claims he wants to 'serve me'
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6/21/2017 1:58 pm |
How perfect this is. It will become my Bible, my source of guidance and inspiration. Thank You for this. i only hope i can learn to fulfill all of the specifications when i eventually find Her (or when She finds me).
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