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alteridalterego 64M
552 posts
7/26/2007 3:20 pm

Last Read:
8/14/2007 3:42 pm

The BDSM Handbook

It doesn't exist!

This was pointed out recently by someone I admire and completely respect. She understands and is a breath of fresh air.

Many of us grow wearier each day of the unrelenting feeble and self serving attempts at defining what a dominant or a submissive is or does along with other terms pertaining to our interests.

Here’s an example. Someone boldly posted a true dominant doesn’t jump through hoops. At a first glance, this seemed to make sense. Then I thought about it a moment. A video emerged in my imagination.

A lion is the king of the jungle. Only the rarest of gazelles prance daintily toward a lion and offer themselves up for dinner. Many lions must exert great energy and skill or they shall go hungry. Some kings of the jungle have found themselves jumping through hoops on a regular basis and at times, the hoops are on fire.

The main point of my allegory is it's generally best not to simply accept the frequent assertions around here but to question them and look deeper inside yourself for the answers. A secondary point is the courtship ritual or mating dance is not the same for everyone. Last but not least, it's a jungle out there! Arrrrr!

Most women are all too familiar with the misnomers guys bestow upon them concerning the definition of submission.

The submissive women who take the time to reflect and clearly spell out what they seek reveal their wide range of definitions for a dominant.

Beyond the technical, I define dominance and submission as that magical space between the dominant and the submissive which are as unique and personal as the individuals involved.

Taking views in from multiple sources is good starting with the internet encyclopedia but in the end, everyone needs to find their own definition of what these terms mean to them and most importantly (as in the emphasized lyrics of Sting's Englishman In New York),

"Be yourself no matter what they say."


alteridalterego 64M
787 posts
7/26/2007 4:56 pm

luna, you're another lovely breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing your view on this.


alteridalterego 64M
787 posts
7/26/2007 8:36 pm

foulmama, the quote, I referred to came from TRUE DOMS DON'T JUMP THRU HOOPS, BUT TROLLS AND PREDATORS DO

I see statements defining dominance all the time and this one just happened to be the one which inspired my jungle analogy hoping to help everyone see the humor in a situation that plagues this site.

Since the post is now unveiled, I must say I see dominants who are well respected jumping through far more hoops here daily than trolls who frequently do little more than drop ads everywhere and wait for a response.


alteridalterego 64M
787 posts
7/27/2007 2:03 pm

wildrose, you are not only a true woman but you are also true to yourself.

Your description of a Dom is beautiful and I believe humility really is a sign of strength.

Thank you for expressing your perspective and bringing in another breath of fresh air.


IntoPsych2 39F

7/27/2007 7:04 pm

Very perceptive! Well said - I couldn't agree more.


alteridalterego 64M
787 posts
7/27/2007 7:50 pm

Thank you so much IntoPsych! Happy Weekend!!


alteridalterego 64M
787 posts
7/29/2007 3:57 pm

santa, I only use the term



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