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Reactions to Chemisty Chemistry, we all want it. It’s the buzzword of buzzwords for finding a partner. But what is it really? Well, first off, there’s the physical attraction and that has an impact on what follows. Then there’s the chemistry in the communication. There is something so exciting about a conversation that clicks effortlessly, each line lighting the other person up who in turn says something that lights you up and the fire ignites. We love that! It’s like nothing can go wrong; everything meshes so perfectly. But what is it really? Alright, common interests are definitely a part of it but many of us share interests yet we don’t experience this while conversing. So, what is it? I happen to think as great as it is, it’s not in any way a determinant for what will produce a lasting relationship. This is definitely true in my life and from what I hear from others I talk to, it’s not producing longevity for their relationships either. So what is it really? I believe it’s several factors coming together at once for both people such as physical attraction, a high level of interest in meeting someone, an overall good mood and lots and lots of luck. In other words, to me, it’s chance. If you met the same person on a different day at a different time under other circumstances, you may have felt nothing, or something significantly less than the “chemistry” you felt at the time yet it seems so many people are basing their decisions about relationships on this. To me, it’s like considering a move to Las Vegas after winning a jackpot. I think there are two basic types of chemistry, the first being that which I’ve described and the second being the type which develops over time when you’ve known someone who you may have felt no connection with at all for months, maybe a year or more but suddenly one day, something changes and you begin to turn toward each other and then a chain reaction occurs leading to KaBoom! For all the joy I’ve experienced with the first type, I’ve honestly never had a relationship of lasting value develop from it while the latter is responsible for all my most meaningful and lasting relationships. I still love it when I really click with someone in conversation who I’m attracted to and I still get really excited about it because it seems like we could get along so well together but I listen to my own personal history lesson very carefully.  |
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9/8/2007 7:28 am |
Point taken. 
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Point taken. The movie Green Card with Andy Macdowell and Gerard Depardieu depicts it beautifully.
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Thank you so much beautifultrouble.
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I agree Kitty and it's also more likely because it's not based on spontaneous infatuation which often fades over time.
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Well, I think it's more complex for some people than others. There's the obvious instant physical attraction we all immediately recognize and research suggests babies instantly recognize it too. Some researchers suggest symmetry is a key factor but that's another subject. I believe sometimes, you may not immediately find someone all that attractive overall, yet you may find a particular feature or two which are striking after getting to know them if not immediately. I really think over time, personality and other attributes help some see physical attractiveness in someone that may not be their at the onset. I'm a guy so it's hard for me to be objective but for me, I'm thinking if Mick Jagger wasn't known to the public and nobody was aware of his music, fame, etc. and was walking down the street, I honestly don't believe many women would turn their heads or go chasing after him. I've seen couples together that didn't seem matched at all in terms of physical attractiveness and I think people can find attractiveness in someone for their passion in their work or something else that causes them to see beauty that isn't immediately apparent.
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