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Things I Have Learned From Living in Missouri...... Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Missouri. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Missouri plus a couple no one's seen before. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy. Houses have "Winders" and "Windas", never has a window been seen South of I-70 People actually grow and eat okra. "Fixinto" is one word. There is no such thing as "lunch." There is only dinner and then there is supper. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you. "DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?" You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them. You measure distance in minutes. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. You know who/which store has the best deal on cases of Natural Light beer. "Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store. "All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. You know what a "DAWG" is. You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car. There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports. The first day of deer season is a national holiday. 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World." A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather. Fried catfish is the other white meat. We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . .. if our mama says we can drive, we can drive. Farming is everybody's bread & butter. |
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Smiles, but all y'all from Missouri scare the fur off of me
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