Blog : A Checklist Of Sorts

Blogs > BadGirl36 > A Journey Into SubSpace

46 posts
10/2/2010 6:40 am

A Checklist Of Sorts

One of the first people I met from alt had a list of 'tests' that he gave me during our inital meeting (he said he'd been burned by pseudo-subs in the past, and had developed these tests to determine if the woman he was with was a genuine submissive, or merely faking it). At the time, I was still under the impression that the Doms had all the rights and we subs just went along for the ride, so I didn't question it.

Now that I've learned a thing or two about how wrong I was back then, I've concluded that his idea of putting prospective partners to the test has a great deal of merit. I've been thinking about a list of Dom tests for the sub to administer during the getting-to-know-you phase of the relationship (based on the contrasts I've observed between the behaviors of the good, the bad, and the dangerous).

Test #1: If the Dom is the one who first mentions the importance of safe words, this is a promising sign. Beware of the Dom who sidesteps this issue. Ideally, the Dom will be appalled, even outraged, at the idea of a scene without safe words.

Test #2: A Dom who is comfortable with and confident of his sexual power will not become pushy, overbearing, or aggressive during the get-acquainted stage of the relationship. Watch out for the Dom who becomes too forceful too quickly: he is either a predator or a pretender. A genuine Dominant's power flows naturally, as an extension of his personality, without him needing to specifically call attention to it.

Test #3: Genuine Doms are patient, and take the time to get to know a prospective sub as a person rather than as a collection of body parts. This differentiates them from the wankers and wannabes who couldn't give a dead rat's ass. A genuine Dom is able to control himself. Prospective Doms who are unable or unwilling to allow a relationship to develop at its own pace, who push for an early meeting and/or play date, are unlikely to exercise much restraint during a session either. Such men can be truly dangerous.

Test #4: A genuine Dom wants to know everything about how a prospective sub likes to play. This includes turn-ons and fantasies as well as doubts and limits. The good Doms want the scene to be mutually pleasurable. Run from the one who does not take your needs seriously.

Test #5: If the Dom who candidly describes his likes and preferences, and allows the sub to freely choose to act in a way that will please him, this is the best of all possible indicators. The Dom who gives the sub the freedom to give herself is a Dom to be cherished.

Perhaps these tests won't completely eliminate all the users, creeps, psychos, and pretenders. But I suspect that a Dom who passes all of them has a better-than-even chance of being a keeper...

Claim your power, submissive. You cannot give away that which you do not possess.

mm_1313 62M

77 posts
10/5/2010 11:07 am

I like your list of tests, very interesting. It shows inteligence and honesty on your part. I truly believe a good Dom has to be somewhat empathic to a subs needs and desires. An interested and excited sub is a happy sub.

Have you ever thought of writing a guidebook to Dom/subs you have a very smart mind and can articulate ideas well.

Just a thought.

MM_1313

BadGirl36 replies on 10/19/2010 5:07 am:
Thank you, MM

That's quite the compliment!

One thing that's becoming increasingly clear to me is that happy subs make for much happier Doms, in that a happy sub is more likely to go out of her way to take the initiative to please her Dom, and will be that much more eager to serve and pleasure him. At least that's been my experience. When I feel valued and cherished, I'm much more motivated to please. It's surprising how many Doms don't realize that.

And I am *really* honored by your suggestion that maybe I should consider writing a guidebook of sorts. Who knows, maybe someday... But regardless, it means a lot to me that you think these gropings and meanderings are worth sharing. Thank you!

Warmest regards,
BG


	Become a member to comment on this blog