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Red Flag "Red flag" is a term to describe a personal trait or behavior that is common in people who are harmful to their partners. When getting to know someone online it is very important that you look for these flags. When you see these red flags, slow down or stop the relationship. Understand that none of these red flags alone are definitely a sign of a bad person. They only tend to be an indicator of a problem situation. The more you see these red flags, the more you are at risk. Many of these red flags can apply to both unhealthy Dominants and submissives. These recommendations are to help you avoid getting into an abusive relationship. Red Flags: 1 - Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community. 2 - Avoids talking about personal details. They get mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions. 3 - Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. 4 - Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them. 5 - Is inconsistent with details about themselves. 6 - Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time. 7 - Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times. 8 - Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it. 9 - Consistently breaks promises. 10 - Always finds excuses for not meeting. 11 - Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. 12 - Does not take personal responsibility. 13 - Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members. 14 - Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. 15 - Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts. 16 - Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. 17 - Falls in love with you way too fast and swears undying love before even meeting you. 18 - Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned. 19 - Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. They say that you are not a "True" sub. 20 - Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame. 21 - Puts you down in front of other people. 22 - Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat. 23 - Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next. 24 - Goes to great lengths to get revenge on people. 25 - Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous. 26 - Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. 27 - Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship. 28 - Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. 29 - Belittles your ideas, thoughts and/or feelings. 30 - Blames you for your hurt feelings. 31 - Abuses alcohol or other drugs. 32 - Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others. 33 - Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm 34 - Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt 35 - Monitors your communications (emails, phone calls, chats) with others 36 - Only interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. 37 - Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations. 38 - Never shows you their human side, is emotionless, and/or hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role. 39 - Has multiple online identities for interacting with the same communities. 40 - Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation. 41 - Is rude to public servants such as waitresses, cashiers and janitors. 42 - Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone. I did not write this .... I 'borrowed' it from another blog I read, yet feel it is worth repeating. Some of you are going to agree with certain portions of it, none of it or all of it. Sort of the 'Buyer Beware' list ... Especially for a new(er) submissive. Your mileage may vary. Make Women Female Again |
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4/7/2013 11:23 pm |
Overall, I'd say this is a pretty solid list. The only item I would remove is #3. Not everyone has a lengthy resume or friends in the BDSM culture. If the newbie Doms who meet all these other criteriea aren't given a chance, it won't be long before the supply of quality Doms will become more depleted than it already is. ~LastGuy "It's great to be here. It's great to be anywhere." -- Keith Richards "There are many spokes on the wheel of life. First, we're here to explore new possibilities." -- Ray Charles
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With six you get egg roll.  As noted, none of them in and of themselves is cause to bail. When one starts seeing combinations, it's cause for some concern and opening one's eyes. Many 'newbies' get suckered in and think putting up with these things is what a 'twue' submissive does/is. I wish every newbie could read this blog and make a copy for reference. you're a redhead? Carpet, drapes and all?  G Make Women Female Again
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I would be lying if I said I didnt move into a relationship in the past where many of these should have screamed out to me. MsSwanger Journey into my soul.
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I'm sure many submissives reading this can relate with an "I should have known!" We live and learn and move forward. G Make Women Female Again
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4/27/2013 8:03 pm |
Thank you for this post! I will refer to it often. I hope you have a beautiful night! 
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Good common sense. I just sent this to a freind of mine with a history of bad choices. I hope it helps. Thanks for posting.
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