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HetFlexK 51M
157 posts
5/12/2022 2:40 pm
sex drive; Reverse


There was a brief period a couple of weeks ago where I felt consistently horny. I don’t know what set of circumstances had to line up and remain to make that happen, but it did. During that time I did a fair amount of masturbating, and a wee bit of filming. With a low level of confidence I still attempted to receive oral pleasure from my sex slave ChrisSwallows, but that didn’t go so well. Though genuinely aroused, the sensations it brought forth were not all pleasant. I was still healing down there. Still am. It might be an erogenous zone but right now it’s one that feels a great deal of pain and discomfort, and stimulating myself only seems to heighten that. Orgasms feel good and bad at the same time. Sure the release is nice, as are the sensations leading up to it, but doing something that makes the muscles contracti in that area is not a pleasant experience. So I’m kind of done with the sexual stuff until I’ve healed a bit more.

Depression and uncertainty, added to the mix, have pretty much destroyed my libido for now. Even when I watch a movie that has attractive women or erotic scenes in it, nothing really stirs down there. I do experience an ache for intimacy, sex, flesh, perversion but it is deeper in me, closer to my heart. Even if I were fully healed the only outlet I’ve really had available was ChrisSwallows, and now that I’m damaged the chances of me ever experiencing anything with a woman have dwindled even further. I’m like the paraplegic character Joe, in Family Guy, who screams “Why do you take me here?” while they’re at a strip club. He’s dead from the waist down, so any ache and arousal he feels has to come from somewhere deeper. And having the ability to ease and satisfy that ache slowly disappear from your life is NOT arousing. It doesn’t make one horny or hopeful, just depressed and resigned. Nope, that doesn’t make my dick hard at all, believe it or not.

Yes I will eventually heal, and my sex slave ChrisSwallows and I will probably make up for lost time, but for now I have zero desire. Some days it feels like I am so uninterested I might never want to do anything of an intimate or sexual nature again, but my body is not quite ready to follow my sour mood there. I do like sex, even if it’s only with myself, and will do my best to enjoy it until my dying day. My desire right now may be nil, but long term I hope to once again revel and glory in my sexuality, wield my cock with power and pride, and cum my way to the grave. Then I can say I’ve shifted my sex drive from Reverse into Overdrive!


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