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hot pursuit? try not pursuit One of the things I’ve promised to do on this blog is remain bluntly honest, whether I’m talking about my sex life, personal life, or whatever. If it is embarrassing I still want to share it so you see me as I truly am; fallible, imperfect, flawed, dumb, naive. Some people make sure to only post the positive things in their life so that it looks like they are always winning, always on top. That’s not reality for the majority of us, and I don’t think readers can relate to it, but then again I learned long ago that people want to relate less and less and escape more and more. I don’t blame them, but for those looking for an example to follow, or simply watch that reflects reality, I happily provide that. Even if it doesn’t make me look good. I said a while back that when it came to love, sex or even friendship I was going to be the person who was pursued, not the one pursuing. That hasn’t gone so well. In fact, shortly after I made that declaration a couple more people disappeared from my life, as they frequently do, and there are no prospects of any kind on the horizon. Not a single soul is interested in me, or if they are it is a lark. No men or women are clamoring to suck my cock, cuddle with me, or just get to know me a bit better. Far from being pursued; I am being ignored. For the fun of it, I check the gay hookup site Sniffies to see if there are any new messages, but nothing is there to amuse or arouse me. Video sales are fine, but as usual my customers do not want to communicate with me, they just want to quietly make their purchases and then do whatever they do while watching them. My requests for feedback, or just simple conversation, go completely unanswered. Though I see myself as a good person, with many interests and excellent qualities, others do not. There is no pursuit. Perhaps I haven’t painted a target big and bright enough on my back? Is it my age, or the fact that I am so open about how my life is going right now? I know my honesty about the mental struggles I go through probably doesn’t make me very appealing. It’s true that even I don’t consider myself ready to date, and in fact don’t believe I would have much to offer a potential romantic partner except the person that I am. In an ideal world that would be all I need; to simply be myself and enjoy the opportunity for friendship, sex or love based on that alone. Reality is quite different, and I suppose that’s for the better. Women aren’t just looking for compatibility they also want stability, which I’ve never been very adept at providing. Perpetually the starving artist, I live to experience, not save up for a rainy day or retirement, and this does not appeal to the majority of females apparently. Those that might find it attractive are likely already taken, or just don’t like what they see in other areas of my personality or lifestyle choices. It looks like I’m too old, weird and broken to be worth pursuing. Yikes. P.S. None of this means I am making myself unavailable for love, sex or friendship it’s just a lament. Furthermore I do have a wonderful sex slave at home in the form of ChrisSwallows who is the exception to this entire thing. Our love is more familial than romantic, and we are indeed intimate friends, so he most certainly qualifies. He also makes it clear on a regular basis that he is sexually available, so I can’t say I am 100% not being pursued. I don’t want to discount or disrespect him, or his efforts, it’s just that I am looking for something more / different. He understands that, and respects it, but that doesn’t mean he gives up on me. At least I have that. |
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